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Post by kai on May 5, 2010 5:02:27 GMT -5
I have edited. Will this be what you are asking for in the tp sample?
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Post by Wicked on May 5, 2010 6:22:09 GMT -5
Appearance does not have a sufficient reason, denied. Pick a picture for it, or start over.
In explaining your weapon, you essentially hint at your unhappiness that you cannot have dual wields, which is extremely immature. You said that you read the rules, but clearly you did not.
Personality is under the minimum requirements.
History is bland.
Don't space after every sentence, it's irritating.
The more I get through this app, and the less I see actually fixed, the more I'm tempted to stop being so nice.
You barely did anything to powers.
Sanpo Yokai; denied due to making no sense whatsoever. Something that disinegrates after thirty feet and reappears in his hand is going to be denied because it removes the entire limitation.
You take no consideration into those you'd be fighting above or below your tier.
This is your last chance, as I don't like to repeat myself.
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Post by kai on May 12, 2010 5:59:41 GMT -5
Well I am done. I edited just about every thing I could hink of.
You can attack, kill, and destroy my application now.
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Post by Wicked on May 12, 2010 6:49:21 GMT -5
My problem with this is that a large portion of your application is now ridiculously hard to follow due to poor grammar. Lines like the following seriously harm your application's quality:
"Oh a child form my enemy!"
"I am a hollow deep and I luster for revenge and I will consume all. Give into my will I shall make you eat like the beast you are. Like the wolf you were thought to be."
"For those who save a meal shall be eaten by the meal."
"My meal is saved now be eaten."
Secondly, you have word wrap all over this application. Please remove it. Double space between paragraphs and speakers as well.
An application like this at the start would have been far more likely to be accepted, but the fact that there have been so many problems beforehand makes it hard for me to believe that you initially read the guides.
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Post by kai on May 12, 2010 15:48:43 GMT -5
I can't meet your standards here and it is MY fault so I am going to leave this site and this app is crap. I don't blame you.
Good bye
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Post by Rebel Raven on May 12, 2010 16:12:43 GMT -5
Application moved
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