Post by Wicked on May 4, 2011 5:55:25 GMT -5
Appearance:
Why is this still there? It's still completely vague with no description on what it would look like, or how big it is for a person to be able to see it. Or how to take it off, or disable it, or how far he can see it from.
History: You still have major tense flaws with the history. I told you twice, fix this. No present tense in the history, no, "he has" "he is" "it is." Past tense. PAST. Again, move things that should be personality into your personality.
Do not make me repeat myself again, because I won't.
Zanpakuto Spirit:
No. You don't get to say your character has immense spiritual power. Your character has whatever we give you.
POWERS
Dokudokushii Bukko Hitokire: For an attack that "doesn't take a lot of reiatsu" that's a really long range. I still don't know what the poison does. Does it disorientate, does it cause drowsiness, does it cause blood to clot? What does it do?
You still don't seem to understand tiers. Use them to describe this.
Until you can describe the poison, this is denied.
Karisutari Shirudo: Limitation needs to be toned down. People much stronger would be able to break through much faster than people weaker. What about people of the same strength? And like I said before, how big is the shield?
Bakuhatsuteki Kumo Uwadzutsumi: It's still too vague to be acceptable. How much does it slow motions?
Poison in general: With poison, I need a lot of detail. Poison isn't something that those new to appmaking should be attempting, and based on your reluctance to change and add detail to your abilities, you're new at appmaking.
If you still want to, don't reply unless you've done everything I've told you to do. When I said "this power is unacceptable" I meant it was unacceptable. I meant it did not have to be edited, I meant it had to be completely rewritten with all the same things as the other powers needed, and it still does.
He does however have an earring in his right ear that he attaches to you to track you, and to see you in the smog of his shikai.
Why is this still there? It's still completely vague with no description on what it would look like, or how big it is for a person to be able to see it. Or how to take it off, or disable it, or how far he can see it from.
History: You still have major tense flaws with the history. I told you twice, fix this. No present tense in the history, no, "he has" "he is" "it is." Past tense. PAST. Again, move things that should be personality into your personality.
Do not make me repeat myself again, because I won't.
Zanpakuto Spirit:
They assume it’s because of his immense spiritual power
No. You don't get to say your character has immense spiritual power. Your character has whatever we give you.
POWERS
Dokudokushii Bukko Hitokire: For an attack that "doesn't take a lot of reiatsu" that's a really long range. I still don't know what the poison does. Does it disorientate, does it cause drowsiness, does it cause blood to clot? What does it do?
You still don't seem to understand tiers. Use them to describe this.
Until you can describe the poison, this is denied.
Karisutari Shirudo: Limitation needs to be toned down. People much stronger would be able to break through much faster than people weaker. What about people of the same strength? And like I said before, how big is the shield?
Bakuhatsuteki Kumo Uwadzutsumi: It's still too vague to be acceptable. How much does it slow motions?
Poison in general: With poison, I need a lot of detail. Poison isn't something that those new to appmaking should be attempting, and based on your reluctance to change and add detail to your abilities, you're new at appmaking.
If you still want to, don't reply unless you've done everything I've told you to do. When I said "this power is unacceptable" I meant it was unacceptable. I meant it did not have to be edited, I meant it had to be completely rewritten with all the same things as the other powers needed, and it still does.