With the Captains suffering casualties and heavy injuries on their side, all hope seemed to be lost... until Shinji Hirako appeared, along with the rest of the former Shinigami. Though the aid of the Vizards certainly helped to draw the battle in their favor, it seemed Aizen's power alone proved too much for them.
Name: Gary Sue Age: Bajillion Gender: Male Personality:
He's a really cool guy. People like him, he acts like he doesn't care, but does even though he is a loner and doesn't like people. He has a hot-blooded temper and is protective of his friends and likes to fight everyone. He hates Hollows. He's smart, too.
He looks like Ichigo, but cooler and is awesome.
A wolf and a raven. Their inner world is the sky, and they help their wielder and are nice to him. He likes them.
Two dual katanaz, they are black like Ichigo's bankai swords.
Two 8ft super swordz and are big. He also gains lion claws.
Gains uber powers with super speed and strength, and can split the world in half.
Has total wind manipulation.
Grows wings so he can fly, they look like raven wings.
I'm gonna have to ask you to take another look at the applications FAQ and modify this app again. And let me tell you, the staff doesn't like repeating itself, but I think there's a lot of potential here, so I'm going to try to be patient, ok?
Name: Nice, very original. I feel like I've heard somewhere before, but I can't quite remember.
Age: Impressive display of vocabulary, for that I'll accept this.
Gender: This is a minus, but I guess acceptable.
Personality: This is fine, we don't have enough of these personalities, which isn't ok. We're supposed to be realistic, right? Well there ARE a lot of people like this in reality, so *Thumbs Up* Although I could maybe like another paragraph or something.
Appearance: Very economical. So he's got orange hair, and a lean body... *Nods* You could maybe compare him to a few more people, or just physically describe him a bit more. I know we ask for like, 10 sentences, but you seem to be having a hard time, so I'll be a little lenient.
Zanpakutou Spirit: You know, I'm glad you made it two spirits, and they have such a simplistic inner world too. So many people try to do dual zanpakutous with just -one- spirit (Which makes NO sense, I mean really) and they have such a complex, 50-sentence descriptive world. Ichigo's inner world wasn't that complex, amirite?
Sealed Zanpakutou: Very cool. People are under the impression that sealed zanpakutou have to be silver, and simple, but this is eye-opening for the general populace of the forum: they can be ANY COLOR! Or combination of colors! You could even have a COLOR-CHANGING sealed zanpakutou! Thank you so much for opening everyone's eyes. This is what I meant when I said I saw potential. Although, you could probably use a couple more sentences here too, it's a bit too simple even though I have a concrete image in my mind of it.
Shikai Description: This is severely lacking, although once again, brilliant. The swords can be as big and crazy as you want, because as Bleach Wiki writes in their article on Zanpakutous--"No matter what form (or size) a zanpakutō takes, it is always virtually effortless for its owner to wield because it is a part of its owner's soul." So once again, nice potential. Also, the fact that it's so large tells us how terrible this Gary Stue IS at controlling his immense amount of reiatsu. Nice little descriptive element there. Yet again, I'd still like just a LITTLE more description here. You've already got a good grasp of concise descriptions though.
Shikai Abilities: Once again, I like how you accurately chose shikai powers to portray your zanpakutou elements. The wind manipulation for the raven, and the leet haxing skills and uber speeds from the wolf. Very well done, as opposed to choosing something like a grim reaper for your zanpakutou spirit and having a beautiful angelic sword that sprouts angel wings and shoots halos from the tip of it's blade. I mean, that'd just be absolutely ridiculous. A little more description so we can make sure you won't godmod too much with these abilities, cause your wording makes them come off a little overpowered, and I don't think you want that.
Bankai Description: Brilliant. People can't do wings enough I say. Wings are so cool, and when some one sprouts wings, it immediately makes all the boys on this forum get a stiffy. I mean really, wings are the absolute epitome of cool, and everyone with wings is immediately super cool and powerful. Toushiro? Ulquiorra? Hikaru? Plzkthnxbai: awesome.
Bankai Abilities: Let me spell this out for you: E X E M P L A R Y But you really need to have a LITTLE bit more description man! I've seen some of your work and I KNOW how descriptive you can be. I mean, let me just copy paste this battle scene, which was so brilliantly written by you: "Mary ran at the arrancar who was attacking her friends. she screamed "I WILL PROTECT MAH FRAAAAANDS NO MATTAH WHAAAAT" and attacked with shikai. her attack wasn't strong enough. it didn't break the hierro skin. she was at a loss, knowing she didn't know bankai yet. but then the arrancar ran at her boyfriend and was gonna cut off his pride and joy. Mary couldn't stand this. she threw the sword at the arrancar and screamed "BANKAI" and grew 6 fairy wings, and her sword became a beam of light that exploded the arrancar. unfortunately it also killed her boyfriend. she walked away sad "next time i'll bestronger and wont kill my friends when i protect them." the day was warm." LOOK AT THAT! That's absolutely great. If you could make descriptions that long, this would become a sticky for everyone to see its brilliance. N-O-T kidding.
Skill Levels: Ok.
History: *Refer to Banaki Abilities*
RP Sample: You know, why don;t you just copy one of the posts you made with Mary? It was also really, REALLY good. Let me write it in for you here: "i was walking down the road. i saw a hollow. i picked up my sword and screamed "BANKAI" i ran up to the hollow and slice it in halves. it screams as i fly into the air, its spirit dissolving into lots of peeces. i fly around until i sense a menos aura and i fly to that menos and fold myself in my wings and then i say "ZOOM ZOOM SHOOT SHOOT POOF POOF" and a bunch of feathers fly from my wings and stick into the menos and then explode and destroy half the city. the feathers grow back on my wings and i keep flying around. then i feel an arrancar presence and 20 vastolordes and i see aizen and gin and tousen come out of a garganta over karakura. i look at them and their all moving toerd my frends who are in the middle of the town in a circle and there all week. i fly infron of all the enemies and scream "!@#$!#@$!#@#!@#@#%!@#$@%^$^@%^!$%~#@%!!!!!!!!!!!". all my wings come off my body and clump together forming a ball of feathers. they turn into a big ball of glowy wite light and i control it with my mind and make it into a million billion little sunflower petals. i make the petals fly at the vastolordes and arrancar and aizen and gin and tousen. aizen looks scared and tries to put up a barrier but my sunflower petals cut through it and stick to all the enemies and freeze them. then i say "KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM" and they all explode in a nucular explosion each like an atom bomb. all the enemies die and my friends are saved. i am happy because i have finally gotten strong enough to protect my frends." Something like that would provide the length and quality we strive for. Please consider that.
Thanks so much for sticking with me! I hope your next edit will be the one that gets accepted!