character Eronin revamped and complete

[masterbeeter]

Name: kiminozomu, Eronin
Age: looks around 30 but is nearing 550
Gender: Male
Personality:

He seems a bit brash when first confronted, but eases up very quickly and will shortly find a way to make you buy him a drink. He is not a mooch by any means but relies heavily on the fact that you are his ticket to a free drink.

He will spend a vast amount of time training himself, and always is up for a spar no matter the opponent and finds enjoyment when his opponent has given him a thorough workout.

He is the kind of guy that people believe has a giant ego; by how he speaks of himself ( which is very highly when he gets the chance), but he will always give credit where credit is due.

Appearance:

Eronin stands just under six feet and has a very short trim of hair near bald. he always has a smirk on his face so you always think hes plotting something. His skin seems to be tough and very firm to the grasp it can withstand a considerable ammount of damage ( like kenpachi....but not as op lol). He also has a few battle scars on his chest like most any shinigami would have.

Zanpakuto Spirit:

My zanpakuto's name is Ketsudo, the spirit itself is very quiet and to itself, but is very quick to point out a mistake, especially when Eronin wakes up from a hangover (this will always cause conflict between the two, but is all in fun). Its appearance is that of an old hermit that seems to be a little weak and defenseless, but is in fact spry and able to hold his own. His inner world is a small secluded hut that seems to be in the middle of space.

Sealed Zanpakuto:

The blade itself is a few inches longer than the average katana, the blade is 32” in length. The blade itself is made from tempered black steel, and the part of the hilt that extends out are shaped like two wings colored in a vibrant gold. The handle is wrapped in a black cloth and the bottom is a small sphere that is the same black color.

Shikai Description:

Upon speaking the phrase incinerate sweeping star his sword will immediately break into four separate 8” blades that come together on a metal circle(the circle is made by the wing part of the hilt) at four points, creating a four pointed shuriken. When the shuriken is thrown; in the middle of the circle, a flame forms made of spirit energy that spreads through each blade of the shuriken and completely engulfs it in flame, and when it strikes an object it will combust and explode in a ball of flame.

Shikai Abilities:

Upon throwing the shuriken Eronin is capable of controlling it (for two turns), with a set of hand gestures made by both his right and left hands, but this feat is only possible if he is stands stationary from the point it was thrown. The left hand controls the direction of the shuriken and the right controls the speed and spin of it. While controlling the shuriken he must have at least one hand in sync with it (the left hand is required at all times).
If the shuriken is in flight and Eronin decides that he has to move to protect himself and he loses concentration, the flame extinguishes and the shuriken will follow a set arc; about 200ft in length and it will design a path back to Eronin dodging objects in its path, even his opponent, (so he can’t just hide behind his opponent), this will take about two turns. Also as the shuriken approaches Eronin has two options, he can catch it to re-throw, or if the blade is within 6 feet; he can snap his fingers and the sword will reform. In time with intense training he will gain the ability to control it while moving, but only at normal pace ( not while using shunpo).

Bankai Description:

This character does not have the ability to use bankai just yet. This main reason is, as i stated before, he does not have full comprehension of the swords abilities until he is able to move with the shuriken instead of being stationary.

Bankai Abilities:

N/A

Skill Level: Kidou: Beginner
Skill Level: Swordsmanship: Advanced
Skill Level: Shunpou: Advanced
Skill Level: Hand-to-hand: Intermediate
History/Background:

Eronin grew up in soul society and trained long and hard while in schooling to become a shinigami. He did not particularly care for kido based weapons, nor did he excel at using them, but when it came to one to one combat he always seemed to be the better and steadier swordsman. His days always started with a hard fought day of battle and ended with a long drawn out drink of sake. He had always wanted to be a member of the 11th division to work under and test his skills against zaraki Kenpachi, and this soon became his main goal in life and what he trained countless hours to attain.

RP Sample:

After joining the 11th he immediately tested his skills against anyone in the 11th division that would give him the chance. He won quite a few matches and garnered quite a bit of attention from his fellow teammates. Eronin soon realized that to be a driving force he needed field training and fast! So, Eronin quickly began to join groups in the destruction of hollows. This was a great idea and had most of his superiors keep a keen eye on him, and he quickly rose up the ranks. This pushed his drive and intensity to finally acquire his bankai after training for years both, secluded and against anyone that would give him the chance to test his abilities. His main goal, though, was to still do whatever it takes to gain the attention of kenpachi to give him the opportunity to test his skills against the strongest man he has ever know.

[Rebel Raven]

Hi! I'll be reviewing your application.

I'd like to say it's well put together, even though it's really brief. I can sense thought, and care went into it, and appreciate the fact you're taking a simple, but effective powers route.

There's several main problems in this application though.

1: we don't allow close ties to characters without permission. It's not fair to expect our current Zaraki player to suddenly have to deal with a new character he needs to know or remember.

2: The fact that this application is as brief as it is, and is for a bankai capable Shinigami. It's not quite beefy enough to warrant a bankai.
If you could expand it more in every area of the application it would certainly make your application a stronger contender.
The Application FAQ can be helpful in this.

3: The application needs a proof reading. Not to be nitpicky, but misused words like by as seen in the following quote

"He is not a mooch by any means by relies heavily on the fact that you are his ticket to a free drink. "

kinda hurts the application.

The APP FAQ in the announcements area can be of some help, I'm sure!

I understand typos, however. Infact odds are I've made a few by now in this app review alone.

Then there's the powers.

I need to know more about his sectional blade defense. It's written as if it's impenetrable. That the blades can't be halted, and will force people to get cut if they want to get close to him, or be batted away. In otherwords it needs weaknesses.

Speaking of weaknesses, his inability to use Shikai fully and yet access Bankai is a bit iffy for me. Bankai usually requires a mastery of Shikai.

The Shunpo+ ability in his Bankai is forbidden. We have limits placed that prevent people from moving faster than the speediest canon characters. I.E. Byakuya, Soifon, Yoruichi, Zommari, etc. We don't want Original characters blowing the doors off too many Canon characters right now.

Further, we need details about the armor's durability, and if there are any weaknesses to it. Zanpakuto can be notoroiously hard to break, and his armor is seemingly made from his Zanpakuto.

Remember, we expect you to take into account the fact your character is not invincible, and also to take into account the feelings of the people that may cross paths with your character as far as your powers go.

[masterbeeter]

Yea i put alot of time into this but it was a little late so my grammar was assaulted as a result. i will explain further about the revolving blade pieces when i fix it up tonight, I wanted him to have full control over the blade pieces but i wasn't too sure that would warrant being to overpowered.

[masterbeeter]

Hopefully this fix up will make it a little easier to understand, i made modifications to make it actually not invincible and more reasoning behind my ideas and spell checked and everything. I await you opinion. Thanks again for the honesty!

[Rebel Raven]

As far as the powers go, I think you've dug the hole deeper. There's not enough weanesses to balance out the power you're asking for.

A person would have to have to have over 5ft of reach to hope to touch your character with a meaningful attack without having those blades assault in a counter attack almost immediately.

The Armor mode has too few weak points, and not enough weaknesses. It's more or less indestrsuctable, and there's only, really, a few inches of vulernable area that can be attacked. A mild movement can be as effective as a dodge thank to deflecting an oncoming blade.

Honestly, not a thing about your powers are particuarly fair to your opponent at the moment.

Further, again, the application is too sparse to allow a bankai.

[masterbeeter]

well i guess this might be too hard of a sword to pass so im gonna take some to rethink and revamp everything. Same name and personality but different sword abilities. Thanks anyway.

[Rebel Raven]

No problem. Sorry we couldn't reach a compromise.

[masterbeeter]

Hopefully complete revamp is acceptable to be used by the shinigami and has enough weak points to be exploited by his opponents a lot of time and though went into this one.

[masterbeeter]

BUMP LOL

[Shinigami Kyra]

Don't bump your application; we get to them by order of oldest to newest; bumping your application only forces us to either ignore the application, or have it take longer in general for us to get to it.