With the Captains suffering casualties and heavy injuries on their side, all hope seemed to be lost... until Shinji Hirako appeared, along with the rest of the former Shinigami. Though the aid of the Vizards certainly helped to draw the battle in their favor, it seemed Aizen's power alone proved too much for them.
Vaaz nodded noting the serpentine fraccion's correction, though it was essentially what Vaaz meant, she understood it--for she lived it, and merely replied, "I understand."
For one reason or another Vaaz frowned at Mila-Rose's dismissiveness at Vaaz's apparent misunderstanding of their situation as love. After all... oddly she liked the idea, though did not really know why--in the past she never cared... But why does she now? It just further added to her lost disposition and feelings of confusion for ponderings she had never had for as long as she could remember.
The moment the third fraccion entered, but with the Tres Espada with her. Vaaz's gaze immediately shifted to her, and in that moment set down her cup of tea she never drank but merely accepted attempting to be polite; and then stood up approaching the woman.
There were many things she found she suddenly wanted to say on top of the what she initially came to ask her. Especially after what she learned what she was told by Halibel's fraccion.
However, in the end, everything she wanted to say, she managed to consolidate into a statement with soft-spoken pitch in her voice as it expressed her current confused state of being, "We have likely seen many... similar things... I have watched promises of companionship among Hollows degress into battles of rending flesh of one another to feast upon. I have watched Hollows weep as they devoured what they called 'friend'... I have met Shinigami just as twisted as any Menos hungry for power... And I have learned there are Arrancar who have come half-circle.
"Now I learn... there were at least two Espada... both bearing the same number... that reached our pinacle by rejecting the maxims many Hollows thought finite to only the furtherment of the self... A mistaken belief, I possessed too--and now realize I maybe deminished because I lacked that perspective... And now the Indifference that once defined me feels... as though... it's waning... And I don't know why... I guess... the first thing I need to ask is...
Post by Rebel Raven on May 9, 2012 19:19:56 GMT -5
Halibel listened to what Vaaz had to say calmly, and thought about it silently a moment, “I do not know what allows a Hollow to change the way they are, save the opportunity to live another way, and the drive to do so. You either want something enough to attain it, or you do not. If you want something, find a way to make it work one way or the other.”
There really was no easy answer. She couldn't quantify the nature of the mind, no matter what the race.
“What is it that you want?” She asked boldly, and thus offered her an opportunity to voice her wants. Despite her usual poker-face, she sounded genuinely interested.
Her Fracción watched silently.
Sun-Sun, and Mila-Rose had an idea of what Vaaz wanted. They debated the whole thing to themselves, not daring to voice their thoughts, or give ideas.
All three watched Vaaz calmly, curious about this one. Did she truly want companionship? Could they trust her? Even they were wary of each other at one time, or another, and it took time, and effort to get over it. Were they ready to welcome anyone?
“I do not know what allows a Hollow to change the way they are, save the opportunity to live another way, and the drive to do so. You either want something enough to attain it, or you do not. If you want something, find a way to make it work one way or the other.”
Her head canted a little in response, "Opportunity to live another way?... Is that even possible for us...?", she had no idea. Another perspective she had never thought to be available for their kind. And in a way she felt a bit embarrassed this is dawning upon her now--embarrassment, an interesting and uncomfortable disposition she found herself quickly discovering.
“What is it that you want?”
Vaaz paused at the question--it was literally the first time she had ever been asked that in her entire existence as she knew it; and she found she did not have an answer she could immediately to, to respond to it. She thought for a moment, searching for an answer--but an existence that had been defined by apathy, now that it has begun to wane--she found she had nothing to reach for, and so she answered the Tres Espada, "I don't know..."
"In this past... it was never even about strength really, that seemed to only come by the drive for self-preservation.", Vaaz uttered thinking back on it, "And even now strength, power... seem so superficial in comparison to the sources of what can create them.", she fell quiet for a moment before going on to say, "But with only the need for survival to drive one it is equally just as... for lack of a better word... hollow... I don't know..."
She looked introspectively taking another trice to search for an answer for what seemed like a rather simple question, but for Vaaz was proving to be a very complicated one, "I guess... what I want... is not to feel as empty as I do now.", though she did find herself uttering with a measure of conviction, "I am either the Cuatro or the former Cuatro, and that is how I will remain--because it is who I am. But that is a role, and one I have accepted long ago. Where... I find myself waning... is... I guess... a solitary crow is a sorry sight... and so is the feeling of being exactly that--as that is what I am... And I do know... I don't want to keep feeling that way... and I wonder if there is something more..."
She paused for a second as she soft-spokenly replied, "I guess that leads me to question... is there something possibly more for our kind? When you have already reached the pinacle of our evolution--and realized its triteness--what's left? Was it solidarity that filled that void for you?"
Post by Rebel Raven on May 9, 2012 22:46:02 GMT -5
Mila-Rose laughed at the question of how one could live another way, “Th'Hell do you think we're doing? We live differently, obviously, and having a strong, charismatic leader helped a lot,” she said in her typical, blunt manner.
Halibel glanced at Mila-Rose acknowledging the point despite how it was placed, “We've tamed our rage, and have long been among the least antagonistic towards humans, souls, other hollows, and Vizards-'
“But not the damn shinigami! Damn milkjugs, and that brat!!” Apache interrupted angrily, as she waved her fists in the air suddenly. Her outburst nearly knocked over the table. It was apparent she was still angered over the winter war, and recalled Matsumoto, and Hitsugaya. Hinomori was not even on their radar, though they might recognize her if they saw her.
“Mmhn,” Halibel replied with only a light grunt making it hard to tell if she agreed with it or not, “Though the hatred doesn't extend beyond them,” she eyed her subordinates, “We are largely at peace with ourselves compared to other Arrancar, and thus we do not actively hate, or fight others. We strike down our enemies. We do that, and no more, and no less, while we continue advancing our own power through training, and self-betterment.”
“As for evolution,” Halibel continued, “There is always more for us. We are not content with where we are. We will still grow, and we recognize it will take time,” she said calmly, then added “We enjoy that time together,” she looked to her subordinates once more, then back to Vaaz with a slight nod, “Companionship, and strong bonds are what we filled the void with. Solidarity between us. Others may have filled the gap in other ways, but we are content with our way.”
“Th'Hell do you think we're doing? We live differently, obviously, and having a strong, charismatic leader helped a lot,”
Mila-Rose's point was not lost on Vaaz as she merely muttered, "It's just... not something I ever thought possible before."
“We've tamed our rage, and have long been among the least antagonistic towards humans, souls, other hollows, and Vizards-'
“But not the damn shinigami! Damn milkjugs, and that brat!!”
Vaaz canted her head a little once again, "Milk... jugs...? Oh! Yes... the overly top heavy Shinigami blonde.", realizing who Apache meant when factoring a young Shinigami, Vaaz was able to deduce whom she mean--the young Captain, whom Vaaz also once had a run in with at one time.
“Mmhn. Though the hatred doesn't extend beyond them. We are largely at peace with ourselves compared to other Arrancar, and thus we do not actively hate, or fight others. We strike down our enemies. We do that, and no more, and no less, while we continue advancing our own power through training, and self-betterment.”
The former Cuatro glanced away for a second, then turned her eyes back to Halibel, "And it works...?"
“As for evolution. There is always more for us. We are not content with where we are. We will still grow, and we recognize it will take time. We enjoy that time together. Companionship, and strong bonds are what we filled the void with. Solidarity between us. Others may have filled the gap in other ways, but we are content with our way.”
The former Cuatro fell silent once again, assessing what she has been informed. The obvious success of those before her were proof enough that many of her preconceived notions and believed 'truths' were in reality misguided. And if the nature of an Arrancar can change, why she feel as though what composed her is simpling now? That perhaps is not something Halibel can answer, but rather Vaaz has to find the answer for herself. However, what she does know--is that she has not been able to come any closer to discovering an answer the way she has been going. The paths she walked in the past is what brought her to this point--a place she no longer wants to be in.
The only conclusion she found she could reach was one of changing course, and so she turned back to Halibel stating with her soft-spoken voice, "I will be Cuatro Espada or not. I have no intention of joining the Espada army if I am not Cuatro--it is who I am as an Espada. I am that or nothing among them... But... that said... the more I dwell on solitude... the more I don't like it.
"What I thought to be maxims for our kind... I'm seeing now as... being... off... And having followed those maxims as I knew them the more they have only made me feel... desolate. And I... I--", she paused a moment a little surprised at herself for actually using the word, "I hate it.", hate--such a strong word, and more than that not just using it--but genuinely feeling it made her even a little more taken aback, and even that she found a bit disturbing.
"I guess... it's all no more complicated than... I'm just tired of being a solitary crow, and just want to experience if there is something more out there", she finally begun piece together, "But it felt more complicated than that. Yet... I don't understand why such a thing has begun to bother me now... after so long.... Though I think it is something for myself to eventually find an answer to than take up any more of your time asking about such things."
"But... while I won't be part of the Espada army unless I'm Cuatro once again... It's just... being a lonely crow out in those deserts...", she trailed off, she wanted to ask if she could at least be in there company--not as a fraccion, but simplistically to be in their company. Solidarity. The problem being she struggled to find the words out of her embarrassment, while the pale complexion of her cheeks can a little bit of a rosy color to them. She was not willing to afford any trust to the other Espada of Los Noches, and Halibel certainly had a point in distrusting the male Hollows and by extension, the male Arrancar, due to their natures--the fool Nnoitra being a prime example. Thus being the company of several female Arrancar lead by one such as Halibel, she could feel more at ease were she welcomed by them.
After all, as she stated... she is tired of being a solitary crow, and a lone crow--no matter how tricky or powerful--can be easy prey for the multitude of monsters out there.
Post by Rebel Raven on May 10, 2012 2:26:06 GMT -5
“Of course it works,” Halibel replied flatly, “It's rare, but it works,” she added.
The quartet listened to her as she openly sought the 4th position of the Espada with immense determination, and none of them commented on it. It's no secret that the Winter War shuffled the espada ranks, and there was ample reason for Halibel to move up in ranks. She could have potentially taken over Las Noches, yet … she didn't. Perhaps ambition was lost on her, and so speaking of it around her was equally lost.
Halibel, and her Fracción watched her as she was about to leave, but Halibel spoke up, “Sun-Sun, ready the guest room,” she commanded flatly. It wasn't really a command, mind you. It was a strong request that none of her Fracción would bother fighting.
Despite their loyalty, Mila-Rose, and Apache made an exaggerated anime face of astonishment with a loud noise of confusion. They practically fell over. They had never used the guest room before, and practically forgot it existed.
Sun-Sun stayed cool, and collected, however, “Yes, Mistress,” she said with a bow, then she glided out of the room.
Halibel returned her gaze to Vaaz, “You're welcome to stay, or come and go as you please, so long as you do not cause trouble,” she said flatly. Perhaps she read Vaaz' desires? None the less, she extended a rare honor to the Arrancar. Considering she asked Sun-Sun to prepare the guest room, she likely knew Vaaz would accept immediately. Or it was a calculated risk.
“Should you become Cuatro, I'm certain your power will allow you to find those you'd trust to be close,” Halibel added in her neutral tone, yet obviously supporting Vaaz living a similar lifestyle to her … but after a moment of silence, “Even if you do not take your desired position, it would not be impossible to gain people who would be close to you.”
She didn't ask her to be a Fracción. Perhaps she knew better, maybe she just didn't want another one. Maybe deep down, she knew, due to her aspirations, she'd say no, or be insulted, even. She left it as being a guest.
The former Cuatro stood there completely wide-eyed and utterly stunned beyond belief. She dared to hope, and that hope was granted to her.
“You're welcome to stay, or come and go as you please, so long as you do not cause trouble,”
Nodding compliantly, Vaaz conceded to Halibel's decree, "This is your domain, and I will respect it and abide by your words."
“Should you become Cuatro, I'm certain your power will allow you to find those you'd trust to be close. Even if you do not take your desired position, it would not be impossible to gain people who would be close to you.”
"I...", Vaaz paused, then uttered with soft tone, "Thank you, Halibel...", finding a bit of comfort in Halibel's words, and going onto say, "It was Gin who made me an Arrancar, you know... He was the only one I gave my loyalty to within Los Noches, because of it. I have likely done things--maybe even many things that more than a few do--or did not like, but one thing I have never done is betray those I am loyal to.", she looked up at Halibel as she went onto say, "And that loyalty has been extended now.", clearly implying to Halibel that she has given her loyalty to Halibel in return for her compassion.
"I wonder, though...", Vaaz begun to ruminate and voiced her ponderings as they came to her, "Does this increase the chances I will fall prey to whatever maybe causing your fraccions' mischievous gazes and predatory smiles aimed in my direction?", she gave a little shrug, unconcerned, "Not that I'm worried... in fact... I'm curious to learn what their machinations maybe. I might learn something new.", the obliviousness in Vaaz's manner and tone could not be overstated toward that particular situation. She did not have a clue what was going through Halibel's fraccions' devious minds.
Post by Rebel Raven on May 10, 2012 20:26:27 GMT -5
Halibel nodded softly to Vaaz as she described the life of many arrancar, doing things they, and others didn't like out of loyalty. She knew it all too well, thanks to Aizen helping to create threats she could not handle. She wasn't all too certain that it was unintentional considering how he used every last espada.
“I would not worry about my Fracción. They have no interest in killing you,” she said flatly, “They're protective, and suspicious of everyone,” she explained calmly to potentially defuse the situation. She knew their motives because she knew them well. What she didn't know is if they'd be acted upon, or provoked.
“Do you require anything to be made comfortable?” she extended further hospitality, and offered her trust to this woman. She hoped to take some of the pressure off the woman so she could seek out her way of life as opposed to live up to the expectations of the world.
Of course she had to put some faith, and trust into this woman. Even female arrancars could be as brutish, and back stabbing as others, but had a higher chance of not being that way.
The shock kinda wore off with Mila-Rose and Apache, they began to amuse themselves with cakes, and tea, and they let their mistress and the former cuatro talk.
“I would not worry about my Fracción. They have no interest in killing you. They're protective, and suspicious of everyone,”
"Oh!", Vaaz replied a little taken aback and tried to clarify, "I don't suspect them of plotting anything lethal...", she looked to the three fraccion, "But... they have something their sleeve... Something behind those smiles as though I'm a fresh meal.", she then flippantly shrugged in the next instant and looked back to Halibel.
“Do you require anything to be made comfortable?”
Slowly shook her head and answered gratefully, "No, I will not impose upon your hospitality any further than I have. But, thank you for your consideration.", she gave a respectful bow of her head to Halibel. It was quickly becoming apparent to Vaaz why her three fraccion are so loyal to her, and that giving her own loyalty to the Tres Espada is not misplaced.
Though, her distrust for others of Los Noches is something she will never exactly be rid of, and largely for justifiable reasonings, which lead her to inquire about two such individuals, "Are Nnoitra and Ulquiorra a problem here...?", though her concern was less about Ulquiorra and more about Nnoitra, not that she felt threatened by him--but rather--she disliked the man, and in a way thought it fitting his Espada uniform was basically something a retarded jester would wear.
Her needing to know was obvious, for they could be a threat--to any one of the Espada, but including herself as she is an Arrancar formerly of the Espada. Though, she still considers herself allied to Los Noches and Gin, and by proxy Aizen who leads it. But allegiances and solidarity among Arrancar and really Hollows as a whole is a fickle thing, and often prove fragile at best. Companionship such as what is between Halibel and her fraccion are incredibly rare sights.
Something that Vaaz was beginning to see as a thing to be preserved...
Post by Rebel Raven on May 12, 2012 4:08:06 GMT -5
Sun-Sun huffed, “Do not lump me in with those two louts,” she said in reply to Vaaz's mentions of those smiles. She had the self control to keep hers in check at the least.
“What the hell are you bringing up those names for?!!” Apache shouted crushing a snack cake in her hand, “Had ta-” and she got cut off by a stern look from her mistress. Apache settled down, muttering obscenities quietly.
Halibel took it upon herself to answer, “Neither are seen in the vicinity of our quarters. Especially Nnoitra,” she replied honestly. She made it a point to have an oasis where misogynists were banned, lest they face the combined forces of Halibel, her Fracción, and Allon. Basically they're not screwing around. And there's always potential for others to join her cause in taking down some of the least liked persons in Las Noches. It might have been a while since the A.W.A. (Arrancar Womens Association) met in force, but there's some light solidarity. She knew she could count on Matanza to help make lives hell. That one certainly relished it, but Hallibel recognized the good in that woman, as she protected her staff as best she could.
“Is there anything further?” Halibel asked softly. She watched Vaaz calmly with her poker-face eyes that peeked over her high collar.