With the Captains suffering casualties and heavy injuries on their side, all hope seemed to be lost... until Shinji Hirako appeared, along with the rest of the former Shinigami. Though the aid of the Vizards certainly helped to draw the battle in their favor, it seemed Aizen's power alone proved too much for them.
Kaki shifted nervously at Xuan's name, and she whimpered when she realized that he was still alive. She tightened the blankets and made way for Hotaru. "I believe you, Stour-san... Do you need anything, Hotaru?"
Hotaru approached Adan and noticed the jagged cuts on Adan's ankles. She looked back to Kaki. "Help me move him to the couch."
Kaki tentatively obliged, hooking her arm under Adan's and leading him to the couch. She wished that they had killed Xuan when they had the chance. As she set Adan down, she asked, "Why didn't you just kill him?" she mumbled, and Adan frowned and looked to Stour, wordlessly begging for a hand. "He couldn't come after you at all if you..."
"Kaki," Hotaru said harshly, "It doesn't matter. They saved you once. We're returning the favor, not asking them to kill someone. I'm sure Stour-san has his reasons."
With that, Hotaru set to work on healing Adan. She wished she were better at it. She would be able to repair the tendons and stop the bleeding, but she was certain that the wound would leave a mangled scar.
Adan, all the while, went quiet. He wondered if Kaki had been making a recovery before they mentioned Xuan. He wondered if he would survive another encounter with him. At least Stour would be able to.
"I might have if I didn't knock him out," Stour said, not looking at anyone. "I can't just go killing things anymore. I don't want to be that again..." He trailed off, and walked just out the door, staring into the forest. "I'm gonna watch for anyone."
Stour stood stoicly, annoyed he couldn't protect Adan better, annoyed that he wasn't quicker to take Xuan out. And a little more than annoyed that he was too scared to kill Xuan. Not scared of any sort of retribution, but scared of what it might to do him, scared of what a step backwards might cause his mind. He had avoided killing anything since he left Hueco Mundo, and he felt more whole for it. He couldn't revert now. Not ever. And he couldn't kill until he knew he wouldn't.
He didn't know when that might be.
Our bed becomes a grave before we blow ourselves away!
"I can't just go killing things anymore. I don't want to be that again," Stour said, before he went outside to keep watch. Kaki looked down - she felt that way for such a long time, but she'd given up on it when Xuan kidnapped her. Hesitation only meant that she'd be captured again.
"What if it was Szayel?" Kaki mumbled.
Hotaru scowled. She wanted Kaki to get out and calm down before she came back - she could understand the fear, but Kaki needed to control herself. It wouldn't do them any good to irritate someone who had only tried to help them. "Kaki-chan, go see if we have any tea."
Kaki's lips tightened, but she went into the kitchen. Even though the electricity had been turned off, the gas hadn't gone yet. They'd been able to make tea and rice, even though everything in the refrigerator had gone rotten or curdled. She flipped through the cabinets - they had lots of one-cup packets, and a few bags of tea leaves with a small filter in the corner. Clearly, Hotaru was just trying to get her out of their hair. She pulled a stool up to the counter and sat down.
"I'm sorry about that. We really do appreciate what you've done for us," Hotaru explained. She went back to focusing on Adan - the bleeding had at least stopped. She wondered if healing would work differently on an arrancar, but it was very similar to healing a shinigami. And it was even more similar to healing Kaki, like she'd done those few times before.
Character List "Let's eat, Grandma!" "Let's eat Grandma!" Commas save lives.
Stour sighed. What if Szayel did come? Would he be able to stay as morally changed and sound as he was becoming if he killed him? If he killed Xuan? He didn't know. What good would killing Szayel be if all that happened was he became something terrible again? What would that accomplish? But... If he didn't get the addiction to killing, if he managed to just keep like this... Then would he? "I... guess I would have to..." Stour said, quietly, his voice barely audible over the wind. "But what's the point if I just become a monster?" He added, even more quietly.
He took a couple more steps towards the trees, at least the world was peaceful now. Even if he had distanced himself from this group more than he probably should have. He had escaped with them, and only seemed to find himself in their company when fate dictated. He never checked in, only showed up to stop awful things from happening. Why? Why couldn't he make friends?
He sighed again, putting his hands in his pockets. It was because he was too close to the monster he used to be. He didn't feel as 'human' as he had thought he would. He just felt like he was in control. It was pleasant, but it felt off, too. Like it was barely in his grasp. Like if he let go for even a second it would be gone. And if that second of letting go was to kill Szayel or Xuan, what good would it be? Then he would simply have become a different monster in their stead.
He didn't want that.
Our bed becomes a grave before we blow ourselves away!
"She's just scared, Stour," Adan murmured. "People say weird things when they're scared."
Hotaru took a deep breath, continuing to work on Adan. Thankfully, his tendons were knitting back together beneath the still mangled flesh. It was the best she could do - at least the scar wouldn't be obvious when he replaced his socks.
"She used to feel the same way, Stour-san," Hotaru murmured. She remembered that Kaki used to hate using her mask - she always used her sword first, and drew her mask if she saw no other method of escape. It was remarkably brave for one so timid, Hotaru had thought. But then, she didn't realize that Kaki had never been very timid. "She still won't tell me what happened in that lab, but I imagine whatever it was did a little more than frighten her."
"The same way?" Adan asked, twisting his head around. "Whaddoya mean?"
"She wouldn't use her mask because she thought her hollow would get stronger if she used it more often."
Character List "Let's eat, Grandma!" "Let's eat Grandma!" Commas save lives.
"Now imagine you chose to be like that. It's different if you're scared of it.... I wasn't. It was a part of me, and I liked it that way. I haven't even released since I left. I don't want to know what feeling that power might make me feel again," Stour said, with a frown, though he kept his face towards the trees. "I guess I have to test it sooner or later," he added, then mumbled. "I'd prefer much later."
He turned towards the inside of the house, looking at Adan and Hotaru. "Should I have killed him, Adan?" He asked, his face grim.
Our bed becomes a grave before we blow ourselves away!
"Living with Kaki went against every thought I'd cultivated for years," Hotaru said, not looking up from Adan. The tendons were back in a fair enough position, but she couldn't get them to fully heal. Adan would need to rest for a while before they would finish healing. "When I met her, I was looking to kill her. There was a change in circumstance, and we ended up living together. It took me several months to adjust."
Of course, Hotaru was fairly certain that Kaki had taken far longer. She was fairly certain that Kaki still wasn't used to her. She went back to Adan. "You're not dizzy, are you?"
"Not as much as I was," Adan answered. "Is that what happened?"
Character List "Let's eat, Grandma!" "Let's eat Grandma!" Commas save lives.
"That's odd. Why were you hunting her?" Stour asked, honestly intrigued. "If it's not pushing too far to ask, that is." He figured he was being to forward to ask that question, but he also didn't really know how to use his social skill filter very well, yet.
"I would have to release to even think about victory in a fight like that," Stour sighed. "I don't remember ever losing control before, but I suppose I was never truly in control back then," he turned back towards the trees. Maybe he should do a quick patrol soon, just to spook anyone out that might be lurking around, managing to hide despite his focus.
But he knew he was only thinking that to get away from people, and this awkward conversation. To hopefully come back when it was over. He doubted anyone was hiding from him right now.
Our bed becomes a grave before we blow ourselves away!
"Kaki-chan was born like that - with a hollow. She - it- killed our parents," Hotaru explained. "I blamed her. I don't regret it, either. She saved my life, though. And I'd rather not retell that story, you could ask Kaki when she's in a better mood."
"I'm not just moody!" Kaki called from the kitchen. She walked out, her blankets still draped over her shoulders, and stared at Stour. She wondered if any other arrancar worried about 'losing control.' She frowned. "It's not like a monster, is it?"
Kaki thought to Kiku, who giggled obnoxiously. She scowled.
"Well, Adan-san, you'll need to rest for a little while, but your tendons should finish healing on their own," Hotaru said, hurriedly glancing to Kaki. "You can stay here, if you must."
"Thanks, Hotaru-chan," he said, turning over so he sat on his rear instead of laying on his stomach. He couldn't say he knew what Stour was talking about. Adan had never felt anything like that.
Character List "Let's eat, Grandma!" "Let's eat Grandma!" Commas save lives.
"Fair enough," Stour said, nodding. He would not be pushing for a further explanation. Kaki asked him about his issue, and Stour found himself feeling rather cliche about the first explanation that jumped to his mind. He said it anyways, that good old conversational lubricant of a nonexistent social filter. "I am the monster," he said with a shake of his head. "I was a monster," he corrected. "Our releases, as Arrancar, revert us to our 'true' form. I am worried that if I revert my body, my mind will simply follow suit. I mean... It would be a good thing in a fight, but a bad thing if once I was finished fighting, I stayed that way. So, I suppose the issues are truly quite similar... But different."
Stour looked to Kaki as he spoke, turning and eyeing her. "Your hollow is simply put, immature. And I feel if I release, I will go back to that state of mind," Stour sighed, hoping he didn't egg on Kaki's hollow too much, but he had to put it into the simplest terms. More for himself, than for anyone else.
Our bed becomes a grave before we blow ourselves away!