Post by Wicked on Aug 28, 2011 18:08:22 GMT -5
Ok...
Initials: ET. ...TEEHEE.
General Grammar: Ok, you capitalize random words, throw commas in weird places, and don't capitalize at the beginning of every sentence.
Appearance: You can't just post a picture and tell us what's in the picture. Secondly, describe how the character actually LOOKS rather than describing how he DOESN'T look unless it's something important. Like..."He doesn't have an eye." Secondly, don't compare your character to a canon character, EVER.
Personality: Your grammar is awful. Your personality has absolutely no flow whatsoever. You go from "He never stop until he gets what he want" to "he like Eating." I'm sorry, I didn't know that eating was a proper noun. You pretty much just list random aspects of his "personality."
"He is not sociable but still friendly
." Is there any reason for the smiley face? Did you realize it's possible for people to be nice but not outgoing?
How does your character know that he's wrong or right? Seems like an excuse to metagame.
Stop saying weird.
History:
Stop saying you're related to a canon character. Don't put present-tense sentences into a character's PAST.
How could his potential show "too much?" Sounds Gary Stu.
You know, "character development" tends to only work when there's a character to develop. Improve your history in general; there's little to say about it, but there's little here.
Unreleased Appearance: "Twin Katana?" I hope you're not apping for dual wields, because you're not getting them.
SPIRIT: Not a single thing is understandable, and nothing is legible. ForKyra's sake, put some EFFORT into your application. Plus, you need a full paragraph, not a full sentence.
Shikai Appearance: ...Wut? There's no image and you don't describe jack.
"Abilities:"
Yoinokuchi - Well, not only does this have no description whatsoever, as in we not only don't know what it looks like, how big it is, if it cuts people like a normal sword, bludgeons them, or just looks all flashy. Plus, who's to say when it's "night?"
Setsuzentaru - Yeah, you can't prevent other characters from using shunpo. At all. "Nice" try. This ability is denied. Not a chance.
Kuragari - AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA no. Sounds like you just applied for an autohit.
All of your abilities need to pay attention to the tiers of others.
All of your abilities need description so we know what the hell they looked like.
All of your abilities need to be made legible and reasonable.
Sample: Ok, first of all you need to use proper grammar at all time. Secondly, you shouldn't say there's a time shift more than a few seconds in a sample post. Make one continous sample post. Separate paragraphs when there's a new speaker. USE PROPER FREAKING GRAMMAR.
Rules and Guide Agreement - Stop lying.
READ THE GUIDES, DEMMIT.
Initials: ET. ...TEEHEE.
General Grammar: Ok, you capitalize random words, throw commas in weird places, and don't capitalize at the beginning of every sentence.
Appearance: You can't just post a picture and tell us what's in the picture. Secondly, describe how the character actually LOOKS rather than describing how he DOESN'T look unless it's something important. Like..."He doesn't have an eye." Secondly, don't compare your character to a canon character, EVER.
Personality: Your grammar is awful. Your personality has absolutely no flow whatsoever. You go from "He never stop until he gets what he want" to "he like Eating." I'm sorry, I didn't know that eating was a proper noun. You pretty much just list random aspects of his "personality."
"He is not sociable but still friendly
![:)](http://storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/smiley.png)
How does your character know that he's wrong or right? Seems like an excuse to metagame.
Stop saying weird.
History:
Stop saying you're related to a canon character. Don't put present-tense sentences into a character's PAST.
How could his potential show "too much?" Sounds Gary Stu.
You know, "character development" tends to only work when there's a character to develop. Improve your history in general; there's little to say about it, but there's little here.
Unreleased Appearance: "Twin Katana?" I hope you're not apping for dual wields, because you're not getting them.
SPIRIT: Not a single thing is understandable, and nothing is legible. For
Shikai Appearance: ...Wut? There's no image and you don't describe jack.
"Abilities:"
Yoinokuchi - Well, not only does this have no description whatsoever, as in we not only don't know what it looks like, how big it is, if it cuts people like a normal sword, bludgeons them, or just looks all flashy. Plus, who's to say when it's "night?"
Setsuzentaru - Yeah, you can't prevent other characters from using shunpo. At all. "Nice" try. This ability is denied. Not a chance.
Kuragari - AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA no. Sounds like you just applied for an autohit.
All of your abilities need to pay attention to the tiers of others.
All of your abilities need description so we know what the hell they looked like.
All of your abilities need to be made legible and reasonable.
Sample: Ok, first of all you need to use proper grammar at all time. Secondly, you shouldn't say there's a time shift more than a few seconds in a sample post. Make one continous sample post. Separate paragraphs when there's a new speaker. USE PROPER FREAKING GRAMMAR.
Rules and Guide Agreement - Stop lying.
READ THE GUIDES, DEMMIT.