Vizard - Sanada Mifune - [B-1]

[Belphegor]

Vizard Application

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In Character

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General Information
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Name: Sanada Mifune (Surname first)
Actual Age: 152
Appearing Age: 15
Gender: Male

Appearance

Mifune is a tall lad being 1.85 meters tall (6.06955 ' Feet), with a weight of 68 kilograms. With only little muscles Mifune doesn’t appear strong, although the thin lad is stronger then he appears. He has red eyes and usually a cold look on his face. He only has a playful grin on his face when he is or engages in combat. He is nearly always holding a cigarette between his lips; because of the depression in his past this has become a habit of him. He also has a small, cute nose, and normal sized ears. His ears are easy to see because of the color contrast of his ears and hair.

Mifune has black pointy hair, and he takes good care of it. He has mid long hair that was carefully cut to not get in his eyes or ears while moving. The hair at the front of his haircut reaches below the eyes to around his noise, with lots of wisps of hair. At the sides of his haircut the hair reaches his jaw and at the back of his head the haircut reaches Mifune’s neck.

Mifune has abandoned his Shinigami clothes and now wears a stainless white blouse with a red, perfectly tied tie and a dark waistcoat that hides the point of the tie. The waistcoat has no pockets only a diagonal one at the back of it with a scabbard sewed into it, in that scabbard awaits Mifune’s zanpakuto with the grip pointing at the left. (Left when you look at the front of the waistcoat) He wears a black trouser that perfectly matches with his waistcoat. Furthermore he has a pair of black shiny shoes and a pair of black gloves without fingers, leaving his naked fingers exposed.

Personality

Mifune is a young boy who shows no respect to anyone, not even a part of himself, like his zanpakuto. He likes to talk a lot and get to know people, looking for signs of mental weakness, which he can later use to anger, sadden or blackmail that opponent. He is quite a smooth talker, usually searching for the trust of his opponents, so later on he can later break it.

Even though he’s a rebel, he almost never curses, only when his inner hollow takes over. And he’s very adaptive, being able to quickly grasp a situation or mental condition and adept to it, this doesn't mean he can see trough every plan, he's just good in reacting to the situation. And even though he hates to do it, he’s able to act respectful to someone for a short period of time to gain information, although he has a particular habit. His habit is to reveal his intention to the person he was respectful toward, and shout everything he thought about that person after he got what he wanted to gain. This usually means he holds a long story about all the characteristics he didn’t like.

Even though it seems Mifune doesn’t like anyone or anything, he enjoys a fine cup of tea. He enjoys tea from everywhere, whether it’s from Japan or England. Mifune also likes people who share his love for tea. So the best way to bond with Mifune is trough a cup of tea and a good conversation. Furthermore he likes the nature in its eternity, but especially flowers. His favorite flower is the Tulip. But he greatly dislikes people that think they know a lot about flowers while they don’t. And he also hates people who are really arrogant, especially arrogant people with a high position in an organization. When Mifune fights such an arrogant person, he snaps and becomes a crazy maniac, this is about the only time when Mifune doesn’t have a cigarette between his lips.

History

Mifune was born on earth as a son of a rich family. Unlike his family he could see the spirits of death people. His life on earth was already like heaven would some kids say. He only had to say daddy and he would get something new. He ate the most delicious food there could be, and lived a life of luxury. But one day, the day of his ninth birthday, the doors of their mansion got kicked in, all Mifune heard was a loud sound. When mifune got outside his room to see what had happened everything turned black. Mifune’s dreams of becoming a professional acrobat, and his dream of being a professional swordsman had been destroyed.

It turned out his father was the boss of a mafia family, and was being targeted by another family. That other mafia family had kicked in the door and was looking for Mifune’s dad. Mifune’s dad couldn’t handle the stress and didn’t want little Mifune to learn the truth about his dad, so he shot Mifune, and Mifune flew to Soul Society.

Once in Soul Society he ended up in the third west rukon district: Hokutan. Immediately after he got there, he became hungry. He found a storeowner that wanted to take care of him. But after Mifune’s first meal he got kicked out. Mifune apparently had a great appetite that was hard to satisfy. Mifune then searched for other families that would want to take him under their wing. And every time after a couple of meals he got kicked out of their houses because he was eating too much. One day a Shinigami came walking by, and met Mifune. Mifune told him his story and the Shinigami immediately remembered that a big appetite means a big pool of reiatsu. The Shinigami asked if Mifune would want to become one of them. And so Mifune’s time at the academy began. At that time a lot of time has passed since he came to Hokutan. Mifune entered the academy at the age of 91.

Mifune’s time at the Shinigami academy wasn’t the best time of his existence; all the grown man had an incredible grudge against the little man. Even so Mifune kept struggling to finish the academy, once he was 94 he passed the Shinigami academy. With only 3 years needed to pass. At first he was placed in the sixth squad, but he wasn’t liked there, and he didn’t like them either, they were always bullying him. After a month he got placed in squad 13, where everyone was a lot friendlier to him, and only a warm smile from Captain Ukitake, even when it wasn't directly to Mifune was enough for the young Shinigami to try his best to serve the gotei 13. Thanks to his time in the 13th squad he began to enjoy Seireitei.

After years of serving the gotei 13 Mifune begin to hear a weird voice in his head. This was obviously Mifune's zanpakuto, but at that time Mifune didn't knew that yet. After some time Mifune began to panic and started to question around what it could be. And he got his answer from a male Shinigami belonging to squad 12. Mifune immediately started training, but didn't seem to achieve his Shikai, after a stressful and dangerous mission, which required Mifune to defend a group of friends he learned his Shikai's name. Mifune was 138 by the time he achieved Shikai.

3 years later Mifune was send on a mission with a group of 14 other Shinigami. They were sent out to defeat a strong hollow. But their opponent was too strong, 14 Shinigami got killed, and Mifune wasn’t on that list. After Mifune got severely wounded and lying on the ground, unable to move. A weird voice began speaking in his mind:

“I give you two options you shitty skilled brat, one you die here, and get buried in Soul Society between those other shitty skilled assholes, or two, I help you live, but it won’t be an easy life I tell you. Which will it be?”

Everything went black for Mifune, but he had answered:

"Let me live."

After that an unfamiliar reiatsu began bursting out of Mifune, a mask formed and the hollow get ripped in pieces by Sin, later on his reiatsu poured back into Mifune, and a new Vizard was born.

He was found and cured by squad 4, but Mifune knew that he couldn’t stay in Soul Society, he had acquired hollow powers, and he knew that they wouldn’t let him live if they found out about it. A week after his release from squad 4 Mifune stole a gigai and left Soul Society, he was extremely frustrated that he had to leave, and got depressed. He had been living with this depression for 10 years. In those 10 years he had several suicide attempts, but after his 152th birthday he decided to change things, trying to control his inner hollow. And that is how his journey started.

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Skills
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Skills

• Swordsmanship- Advanced
  
• Kidō- Beginner
  
• Hohō - Intermediate
  
• Hand to Hand - Advanced

Attributes

• Speed - Advanced
  
• Power - Intermediate
  
• Stamina - Intermediate
  
• Intelligence - Advanced

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Zanpakutō
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Name: Kazehimo Tsubame
Translation - Wind stringed swallow (As in Swallow with a string of wind)

Unreleased Appearance

Mifune’s zanpakuto is a Wakizashi meaning "side insertion". His Wakizashi is even shorter then normal, being only 35 centimeters (1.14829 ' Feet) long (or as Mifune likes to say: 35 centimeters short.) Its grip is emerald green and it has a round hilt that is engraved. The hilt’s engraving is a feather, to be exact a swallow feather. As stated above Mifune wears his zanpakuto in his waistcoat.

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Zanpakutō Spirit
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Name: Kazehimo Tsubame
Gender: Male

Spirit Appearance

Kazehimo Tsubame appears as a man with a length that’s below average. Kazehimo Tsubame is 1.58 meter tall, or as Mifune always says: Oi old man you haven’t grown yet? Are you still 1.58 meter short? Kazehimo Tsubame is looking like an old man, with long combed back gray hair. The end of his hair has an emerald green color.

Furthermore Kazehimo Tsubame wears a stainless white shirt with a long coat with short sleeves over it. And a Shinigami pants. He has claws at his hands and feet; he has green feathers moving up from his wrists to his elbows and from his ankles to his knees. And a couple of feathers on his chest that pop up from the v-neck from his white t-shirt. He also wears a green scarf with a print of a swallow on it.

Personality

Kazehimo Tsubame is a gentle old man who doesn’t talk much, but he can hold whole conversations with his body language. He never gets angry or loses his patience and explains something a hundred times and everything with as much love as the first time. But he does have problems with being dominant. And he isn’t able to act frustrated at times it is needed, for example to get the young disrespectful Mifune to listen to him. But even so he’s very wise. And shares Mifune’s love for nature, and gets upset when someone destroys a lot of nature. (Like setting a forest aflame or cutting a lot of trees down.) One remarkable difference between Mifune and Kazehimo Tsubame is that he doesn’t share Mifune’s liking of tea. Kazehimo Tsubame doesn’t like it that Mifune uses such fine, delicious water and changes its flavor.

Relationship to Master

Kazehimo Tsubame sees Mifune as a hard to raise kid that just needs lots of love. He also sees him as his discipline and lets him work hard to achieve new powers. He also tries to change Mifune’s personality where he can because Kazehimo Tsubame thinks Mifune handles wrong in some situations. And Kazehimo Tsubame also thinks Mifune should be more respectful to him and other people. Even so he cares a lot about Mifune, it’s almost as if he’s Mifune’s grandfather.

Inner World

Kazehimo Tsubame’s inner world is a forest with one big tree and a lot of tulips, even though a forest isn’t the tulips natural environment. Furthermore there are lots of swallow circling around the forest. And against the biggest tree in the forest is a wooden house build where Kazehimo Tsubame lives. The forest is also the environment of a lot of wild animals like bears, Deer, and rabbits. And the weather is always sunny with a couple of clouds. It’s always around 2 o’clock in the afternoon.

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Inner Hollow
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Name: Sin
Gender: Male

Appearance

Sin is appearing as a 17-year-old guy being pretty tall, 1.96 meters (6.43044 ' Feet) to be exact. Sin is extremely skinny and doesn’t take much care of his appearance. It appears like he hasn’t shaved for a couple of days, he has shoulder length black hair all around his face, and only in the front it’s slightly cut, so it doesn’t get in his eyes. It looks a little like Shinji’s hair from the time he still was a captain only it looks dirtier. Furthermore he has purple eyes, black sclera, and a light blue skin color. His face resembles Mifune’s, only older, and he usually has a creepy facial expression on his face, with one eye further open then the other and a creepy grin.

He wears a worn out shinigami pant’s with a lot of mud on it. He wears a long coat with no shirt under it, so his hairy chest, and his umbilical and abdominal are visible. The sleeves of this long coat are torn of so his hairy arms are visible. He wears no shoes and has hair on the top of his feet. And has pretty big feet European size 48. Even though his general appearance looks dirty and untidy, he does take good care of his nails, as they are nearly snow white.

Personality

Sin is a very lazy and untrustworthy hollow. He looks and smells dirty, but has an even dirtier personality. He usually acts lazy in an attempt to catch his opponent off guard. He likes to trick people and so he can surprise attack them, or stab them in the back. Just like Mifune he likes to find a mental weakness or an emotional memory of someone and then constantly anger, or sadden someone with it. He finds great amusement in others rage, the more the better. On the other hand, people that can control their anger and can keep a straight face really grind his gears.

Relationship to Master

Sin thinks of Mifune as a spoiled brat that needs a good emotional breakdown, so he’s always trying to uncover deep emotional secrets of Mifune. He hates how Mifune looks with his stainless clothes, and he would like seeing them stained with blood. He acts like he’s incredibly lazy but he actually loves fighting only his love for mental sadism exceeds his love for fighting. He only acts lazy as part of getting information for his mental sadism and as battle tactic.

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Hollow Abilities
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Mask Appearance and Summoning

Mifune’s vizard mask looks a little like a skull with a small jaw piece, ending in three pointy pieces. A row of teeth with some of the teeth being long and pointy separates the lower and the upper part. The upper part of the mask has two diagonal lines for the eyes. And on top of the mask there are two little horn-like spikes. Furthermore there is a thin piece for Mifune's small nose, and the Mask has several black parts.

Mifune summons his mask in a graceful way. First he bends the fingers on his right hand a little, then puts those fingers softly on his forehead, and then quickly pulls his hand back while stretching his fingers. After he has done this movement his mask forms starting from the middle of Mifune’s forehead. After Mifune has summoned his mask his sclera become black and his irises become purple.
The time limit of Mifune’s mask is 50 seconds.

Hollow Abilities

Name of Ability Cero

• Description of Attack - Basically an energy blast, it consists of firing a blast of concentrated spirit energy at the target. While in most cases it is fired from the mouth, some Arrancar and Vizard are capable of firing Cero from their hands, fingers and other parts of their bodies. Mifune's Cero has a purple color and is fired from his chest. Also he has the habit of loudly yelling: “bang" when he fires his Cero.
  
• Limitation - Mifune can only fire 3 of these cero’s after he summoned his mask. And his habit of yelling: "bang" causes him to be unable to surprise attack his opponent. Also he can only use this ability when having his mask on
  

Name of Ability Telekinesis

• Description of Attack - While wearing his mask, Mifune gains to ability to hover things in the air, like small rock and twigs, but this ability is mainly used by Mifune's inner hollow and someday maybe by Mifune himself to save the reiatsu needed to manipulate the wire of his Shikai. By using Telekinesis he can manipulate the wire without losing reiatsu.
  
• Limitation - While using this ability to move his Shikai wire, the person in control of Mifune’s body is unable to cast kidou, also this ability doesn't improve his attacks at all, it only saves Mifune some reiatsu, so he can fight longer. Also he can only use this ability while having his mask on
  

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Zanpakutō Shikai
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Call Out Phrase: Nugu
Translation - Takeoff

Shikai Appearance

Once released Kazehimo Tsubame takes the form of a long metal device with a round spherical wheel in it. The device goes from Mifune’s wrist to just before his elbow, and is placed at the backside of his right arm. Within the device is a crystal, that crystal is connected to a thin strong wire, this wire has a total length of 15.09 meter. Mifune constantly pumps in little fragments of his reiatsu, by doing this he keeps the crystal hovering into the air, and manipulate the wire into various shapes. He can use his Shikai in various ways, to entangle his opponent, to cut his opponent with the wire, hit his opponent with the crystal, or even to shoot the crystal into a building and then swing around. (Imagine spider man but with one arm). The device can be used to block attacks. The device is printed with a green swallow on it. Mifune can keep his Shikai up for 2 hours when not using any combat move at all, except hitting with the metal device. When he uses his reiatsu to move the crystal and wire he can hold on 1 and a half hour. Below is a picture of the device.

Shikai Abilities

Name of Ability Wind slice (Kaze Suraisu)

• Description of Attack - If not already back in the device, Mifune pulls the crystal back in the device and keeps it in there for 5 seconds to charge. After the charge time Mifune can shoot it out anytime he wants, usually he waits longer then 5 seconds so his opponent doesn't know his charge time.
  
  When this attack is charged and shot out, it can only shoot in a straight line. The crystal is engulfed in a sharp wind flowing in a spherical shape around the crystal. The wind has a diameter of 0.5 meter (1.64041 ' Feet). The wire also has a sharp wind surrounding it, but the wind around the wire only has a diameter of 0.04 meter (0.131233 ' Feet). This attack can reach up to the full length of Mifune's Shikai: 15.09 meter (49.5078 ' Feet).
  
  This attack causes cutting damage upon contact. Being able to cut trough wood with little effort. The damage varies between tiers. Two to one tier below would take 75% to 95% of the damage when Mifune gets a clean hit. The same tier would take 50% to 75% of the attack when Mifune gets a clean hit. One tier above would take 20% to 50% of the damage when Mifune gets a clean hit. And two tiers above would take minimal damage (<16%) or even no damage at all when Mifune gets a clean hit.
  
• Type - Offensive/Elemental/Wind
  
• Range - Mid to Long/15.09 meter (49.5078 ' Feet)
  
• Limitation - While charging the attack Mifune can't use kidou, or hand-to-hand combat. Also he has to stay still while focusing. Also when the device gets hit while it's charging, the charging fails, and Mifune has to start all over again. This attack requires around 5% 10% of Mifune's maximal reiatsu.
  

Name of Ability Rotating swallow beak pierce.

• Description of Attack - Just like with Wind slice Mifune pulls back the wire with the crystal back in the device and starts charging his attack. This time the charging takes half a minute. Then he places his arm horizontal in front of his body, on chest height. After that he swings back his arm till it can't go any further, while doing so a green pointy swallow beak shape forms around the device. The shape is about 2.20 meters long (7.21784 ' Feet), and the attacking range of the attack is 2 meters long (6.56167 ' Feet).
  
  The attack isn't heavy for Mifune, if fact it feel like an extension of his arm, and that is because the attack is actually made up from condensed rotating wind, infused with reiatsu. The reiatsu gives the attack it's green color, and the rotating wind gives the attack its power.
  
  The attack will cause cutting damage and is able to pierce trough the walls of small buildings. Once an object that doesn't belong to a player controlled character (For example a car from a regular human) gets hit by this attack there are four possibilities. 1. The object that got hit get's pierced 2. The object that got hit gets cut and pushed back by the wind pressure. 3. The object gets hit with a hard slam on the place of contact and moves backward 4. The object is too strong to damage, and Mifune's attack gets slammed back, this results in Mifune flying backward. I wrote this here because this attack doesn't have to be direct, it can also be used to 'shoot' things at an opponent. When used as a direct attack it is an extremely sharp attack, although not able to pierce someone, as that would be godmodding. Because this can be called Mifune's most powerful Shikai attack it takes quite a lot of reiatsu to perform
  
  Opponents two or one tier below Mifune take 80% to 95% damage when Mifune gets a clean hit. Opponents from the same tier take 60% to 85% of the damage when when Mifune gets a clean hit. Opponents one tier above Mifune take 25% to 50% of the damage. And opponents that are two tiers above take minimal to no damage. (<25%)
  
• Type - Offensive/Elemental/Wind
  
• Range - Close/ 2 meter (6.56167 ' Feet) starting at Mifune's wrist
  
• Limitation - It has a long charging time, and in that time Mifune can't use kidou or hand to hand combat. Also he can’t move while charging. When the device gets hit Mifune has to charge for another 15 seconds before he can use the attack. Furthermore the attack is stuck to his device so it only has a short range. Also Mifune has to come close to attack so he is more vulnerable. This attack is quite heavy on his reiatsu levels, this attack consumes 30% of Mifune's maximal reiatsu, and when Mifune forces this attack when he has less then 30% reiatsu left, there are three possibilities. 1. There is a 20% chance the attack will succeed but with less power. 2. There is a 35% chance the attack won't come out and Mifune's reiatsu is drained. 3. There is a 45% chance that the attack will blow up in Mifune's face, also after each possibility Mifune's reiatsu will be completely drained, and Kazehimo Tsubame will seal himself again, also Mifune is in a weakened state on the ground, unable to move.
  

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Zanpakutō Bankai
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Name:
Translation - If Applicable

Bankai Appearance

1 Paragraph

Bankai Abilities

Name of Ability

• Description of Attack -
  
• Type -
  
• Range -
  
• Limitation -

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OOC Information

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Sample Post
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*Ring!* *Ring!* The sound of the school bell was echoing trough the halls. Within mere seconds the halls got filled. Both the first and second floor got crowded with the same colors, the colors of the school uniform. Everyone was walking to his or her usual lunch spot. Some were walking around the school as they finally got to get up from their butt, while others were sitting around in a circle on the grass, telling jokes and laughing like idiots, while others were sitting on the roof, also telling jokes and laughing like idiots.

Mifune wasn’t one of those people. All alone he was standing in the corner of the roof. Nobody up there could understand his thoughts and his sadness, and he didn’t expect them to understand, those young idiots haven’t felt true pain in their lives yet. On the other hand Mifune was in the middle of the process of getting over one of his painful memories. Searching for control over his inner hollow. That would help him control his inner rage. This would also mean that he could return to Soul Society. He had always been a smooth talker and would be able to explain why he had stole a gigai, and why he had left Soul Society for so long.

Suddenly Mifune noticed a group of young boys, each one of them around fourteen years old, one was pointing at Mifune. They were talking about Mifune, whether it was in a good or a bad way he didn’t know yet. He had no intention of becoming their friends, and couldn’t care less with them as his enemies so he changed his view from the group to his lunch. Mifune was just about to grab a rice ball until he heard:

“Ehm… Hello there, I’m Unitao Danku, what was your name again new guy.”

Mifune didn’t even bother to look and replied with the usual:

“Hello, I’m Sanada Mifune, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“So Mifune, where are you from?” The young boy replied.

“Listen boy, I have no intention of becoming friends with you. You are an insensitive person who doesn’t even think about what he’s saying. How would you like it to be new around here and be called ‘the new guy’ on top of that you’re just using the usual where are you from confrontation, if you had interest in becoming my friend you would’ve asked something like: ‘Hey want to sit in our group, we’d like to get to know you.’ As you’ve done nothing like that it appears to me that you show no real interest in me, how would you feel in my place? Not so good right, that’s why I have absolutely no intention of becoming your friend.”

Mifune replied with a long cold story, with no curse words in it. The boy was astonished and couldn’t argue with Mifune’s sharp observation, and just walked back to his group with a shocked look on his face.

“Kids these days, unbelievable.”

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Rules and Guide Agreement
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• Have you read the full rules of this site, including Xat rules, and understand them? Y
  
• Have you read through the Vizard Application Guide? Y
  
• How many Characters do you currently posses?
  Canon - 0
  Original - 0

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Moderator Use Only

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Reviewed by: Sam
Tier Level: Mid Level Weak
Upgrade: N/A

[Rebel Raven]

Hello, I'll be reviewing your application.

I believe height has a serious typo as you say he's 1.85 centimeters tall.

The first paragraph is, well, it doesnt make a wole lot of sense. He respects noone, yet willrespect those that earn it?

He tries to figure out how to violate the trust of others but likely won't do it?

It seems like most every flaw is negated immediately.

THe rest seems okay but could use some fine tuning and sorting out.

On to history.

What's a professional turner?

Mhm, a genius that finished the academy in 3 years. Right.

After a month he got placed in squad 13, where everyone was a lot friendlier to him, especially Captain Ukitake. Thanks to his time here he began to enjoy Soul Society.

Despite it being a pretty safe bet that Ukitake was nice, I can't allow you to force Ukitake, and the player of Ukiake to feel anything in their history towards your character, nevermind remember your character.

After another year Captain Ukitake saw Walter’s potential, and decided to give him some personal training so he would attain shikai a little faster.

Can I get a HELL NO?! You don't get to force your character into the history of a canon character in any degree what so ever.

In the end Walter achieved shikai by quite a dangerous act of Captain Ukitake. Captain Ukitake had asked Walter to come along on a hard mission.

Nope. Not allowing this.

This mission was to purify an Adjuchas, Captain Ukitake released his zanpakuto and engaged in combat with the hollow, and after he had wounded the Adjuchas enough for Walter to take it on he acted like he was severely wounded.

Ukitake is not likely to be that reckless as to throw someon into the deep end, nevermind release his Shikai when he could probably wany andannihillate an adjuchas, weak as they tend to be.

You've not only rewritten a chunk of a canon character's life, but you've also taken immense liberties with that character. That's a huge screw up vs our rules. You're lucky I don't deny the app at this point.

... Right, now you screw with Urahara's life, too?

I'm so very dissapointed in the applcation's defilement of the rules, and your disregard for our rules, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt unless there's too many more errors ahead.


I'm pretty sure that mask image has been used before on this site.

I don't like the potential abuse in how his Cero is launched.

Power augmentation doesn't need to be a power. It goes without saying that the abilities of a Vizard are raised when masked. Even if the power stays your abilities will never be higher than your assigned tier until you recieve a successful upgrade.

I.E. If you were given the tier Mid Level Weak, and you are fighting a Mid Level Average, even with power augmentation you would be Mid Level Weak, and continually hard pressed to battle someone with a higher tier.


The Shikai released form descripton cannot have powers in it. I.E. The wind element, the fact it's controlled in a way you do not elaborate on, etc.


Bending Wing: I don't like the fact you assume that it can harm any one in range of it when a person of superior tier would take minimal to no damage despite the prescribed amount of damage you put in. Further am I to assume that if it were used on a weaker opponent that it would do the same damage as it would someone of an equal tier?

How long does it take for him to make a shape? Does he always make a shape, or would a simple length of wire do? How does he make the shape? How fast is the projectile?

Your limitations are bupkis. You pretty much insinuate a beginner at flash steps wold not be able to dodge your character's attack at all.

Ichihi no Tsubame: A lot of the problems with the previous power are here. You assume everyone will be injured the same by the attack regardless of tier, no idea of the charge time, etc.

There's a greater problem. The fact that the attack is 30 feet wide making the attack absurdly large.

How fast is the bird?

All in all both powers need more details and to be adjusted as per review.

[Belphegor]

He tries to figure out how to violate the trust of others but likely won't do it?

Ehm about this thing, I posted:He is easily trusted thanks to his smooth talking, but it isn't rare for him to break that trust. That's a double negation, which you probably know, but I have to admit to you it is posted in such a way you would probably look over it.

On to history.

What's a professional turner?

What I was meaning was a professional acrobat.

Furthermore I changed the history so that I only stated that Captain Ukitake smiles in a warm way, that's allowed I hope. And I'm apologizing for this stupid mistake, when I came to this site I had to read so much and back at my other rp site writing with canon characters wasn't a problem so I forgot that it wasn't allowed here and wrote it so sorry.

I'm pretty sure that mask image has been used before on this site.

I've changed the picture and have checked all the vizard applications and accepted application, and I believe that this one isn't taken yet, unless one of those expired photobucket pictures was showing it. But I tried my best to take a picture that wasn;t taken yet. But if its already taken then I'll search for a new one. (Also changed mask description to match the new pic)

I don't like the potential abuse in how his Cero is launched.

I've changed it to a normal Cero

Power augmentation doesn't need to be a power. It goes without saying that the abilities of a Vizard are raised when masked. Even if the power stays your abilities will never be higher than your assigned tier until you recieve a successful upgrade.

I.E. If you were given the tier Mid Level Weak, and you are fighting a Mid Level Average, even with power augmentation you would be Mid Level Weak, and continually hard pressed to battle someone with a higher tier.

Is enhanced psychical attributes a good one then? If not I'll try another one.

The Shikai released form descripton cannot have powers in it. I.E. The wind element, the fact it's controlled in a way you do not elaborate on, etc.

Okay changed it.

Bending Wing: I don't like the fact you assume that it can harm any one in range of it when a person of superior tier would take minimal to no damage despite the prescribed amount of damage you put in. Further am I to assume that if it were used on a weaker opponent that it would do the same damage as it would someone of an equal tier?

How long does it take for him to make a shape? Does he always make a shape, or would a simple length of wire do? How does he make the shape? How fast is the projectile?

Your limitations are bupkis. You pretty much insinuate a beginner at flash steps wold not be able to dodge your character's attack at all.

I believe I now have all those things included, if they are not included or not descriptive enough can you say it so I'll try my best to fix it.

Ichihi no Tsubame: A lot of the problems with the previous power are here. You assume everyone will be injured the same by the attack regardless of tier, no idea of the charge time, etc.

Added it in the last paragraph

There's a greater problem. The fact that the attack is 30 feet wide making the attack absurdly large.

Made it a little smaller, but the thing is, this attack isn't one you should dodge by moving to the side, but by jumping as it's only 0,5 meter high

How fast is the bird?

Included it (The bird itself 50km/h and the rest of the wire 15km/h)

[Rebel Raven]

Still 1.8-somethig -centimeters- tall.

Character name is a bit too close to "Walter C. Dornez" from Hellsing.

As for being easily trusted it's up to you to play up to that. You can't expect/force other characters to trust your character as far as they can throw him just because it's in the app.


Again, Enhanced abilities of any sort are part and parcel with donning one's mask. If you insist on having this power as a separate boost from his mask being put on, it will absolutely not increase his tier beyond the assigned tier. There's absolutely no way to surpass one's tier without staff authorized upgrade. I'm just letting you know this before hand.


How does he manipulate the wire of his shikai? You still don'telaborate on how this wire is manipulted.

You still more or less demand certain damage from people in the description of Bending Wind. I suggest you just say what sort of damage it does and that the damage varies at diffirent ranges.

Ichihi no Tsubame: Likewise you pretty much demand an effect from the attack connecting regardless of tier in blowing people away, etc.

I'd like you to rewrite your shikai powers in general.

Lastly, proofread your application in general. Typos like brouse as opposed to bruise, among others harm the quality of the application and thus lower the potential tier assigned. Grammar could be adjusted as well.

[Shinigami Kyra]

*cough*

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walter_C._Dornez

*cough*

[Arja]

Archived due to inactivity

[Wicked]

moved back due to request.

[Belphegor]

Still 1.8-somethig -centimeters- tall.

Fixed this dumb mistake.

Character name is a bit too close to "Walter C. Dornez" from Hellsing.

Fixed this one too

As for being easily trusted it's up to you to play up to that. You can't expect/force other characters to trust your character as far as they can throw him just because it's in the app.

I made it so that he would attempt to get trust, not that he is easiy trusted

Again, Enhanced abilities of any sort are part and parcel with donning one's mask. If you insist on having this power as a separate boost from his mask being put on, it will absolutely not increase his tier beyond the assigned tier. There's absolutely no way to surpass one's tier without staff authorized upgrade. I'm just letting you know this before hand.

I would have to thanks you to point that out, because this made me think of a handy application of the skill Telekinesis

How does he manipulate the wire of his shikai? You still don'telaborate on how this wire is manipulted.

I included it, he uses his reiatsu.

You still more or less demand certain damage from people in the description of Bending Wind. I suggest you just say what sort of damage it does and that the damage varies at diffirent ranges.

Ichihi no Tsubame: Likewise you pretty much demand an effect from the attack connecting regardless of tier in blowing people away, etc.

I'd like you to rewrite your shikai powers in general.

Okay I've changed all abilities, hope they are alright, I took the tier/procent system from ShinigamiKyra to explain the damage

Lastly, proofread your application in general. Typos like brouse as opposed to bruise, among others harm the quality of the application and thus lower the potential tier assigned. Grammar could be adjusted as well.

I've fixed some major, and lots of minor grammar mistakes, it's probably not perfect yet, but I tried my best

[Sam]

Ok I’ll be taking over this app from here on out. Aren’t you the lucky one?

First thing I notice and I’m really concern about this is the meters all over your app. Just a friendly piece of advice, but not everyone can convert meters into feet. You could in parenthesis put in how many feet the meters are.

Next thing I see is that throughout your app you still have Walter instead of Mifune. Please read over your app and change his name.

Now for the history, I read it a couple of times but I don’t see anything about how he came to be a vizard. This isn’t a big deal in my mind, seeing that my own vizard didn’t become one until two upgrades ago, but I still hinted at how he became this way. I’d like you to try and think of a way for the how, even if you have to hint at it. Being severally injured isn’t enough to become one, though it is a good reason for it to surface.

Ok, the mask time is too long for a beginning Vizard. Canon vizards can only maintain their mask for three minutes, except for Mashiro. And I remember reading that he is still trying to gain control over his inner hollow so I don’t see him being able to summon his mask just yet.
As for the abilities, I can only see him using these when his inner Hollow takes over. You will need to clarify that in the limitations.

Nugu is Japanese for takeoff, so that’s free oh and takeoff is one word. I guess I can ignore the Lyserg thing but I don’t want to see his special abilities as future attacks.

Wind Slice (Kaze suraisu): Let’s start with the tier damage you placed. One there is no way that you will get a 100% hit unless it’s an NPC or approved by staff or other players. Two, tiers above you by two will not receive damage up to 75%, that’s kinda much. The 20% I can see for one tier but not any higher.
I can see that when he charges this he can’t do much of anything else, but why can he dodge attacks while charging? Even Momo can dodge attacks while she’s charging her shikai power, so I’d say he will have to be stationary to concentrate the required energy before releasing this.

“Aero” burst board: I can’t really grasp this except for it being used to out run a faster opponent, which is kinda god modish to me seeing that even with this, he can’t outrun everyone. If he is a higher tier then someone then he should be able to out maneuver them but Higher tiers will always have the upper hand.

Rotating swallow beak pierce: Again work out the tier damage like wind slice. And the dodging attacks while charging is much in my opinion.

Ok that’s all for now, just proofread your app before you post the fixes. ‘K thanks.

[Belphegor]

I've changed all those things, and I've used a meter to feet convertor from internet, but I must say, I can't can't convert them in my own mind either, I don't even know how you put those things down, so I just did my best, tell me if there have to be changes made in the feet thing.
Also I've tried to describe Mifune's hollowfication process.