Linetta Eolin (Done)

[viii]

Name: Linetta
Age: 200 (17)
Gender: Female
Personality:

Linetta; nicknamed Loki after the god of mischief lives up to her namesake by causing trouble when ever possible. Loki is playful and funny and the best of times and a complete nuisance and the worst of times. She loves life and her only long term goal seems to have the absolute greatest time. Do not let this however fool you as she has another more nightmarish side that comes out violently in combat. Her second self is a savage and powerful adversary and completely different to her true personality.

Due to her history she holds very little respect for women and will almost always gets revenge on anyone that refers to her being feminine or her lack of height. When in the presence of superior officers she does however show a little respect that more then often is short lived.

Appearance:

Base- i194.photobucket.com/albums/z275/GigaWolf/LokiAppearance.jpg
Linetta has deep dark emerald green eyes (Not in picture) with long brown hair and most importantly an amazing smile. When found stalking the soul society she wears her signature belt (In picture) along with a modified uniform that heavily resembles kyudo clothing. The arms of her uniform however are enlarged by quite a sum as to suit her Zanpakuto. When not in the soul society she wares the clothing pictured above.

Zanpakuto Spirit:

“Alexandre, the Grey Guardian.”
Appearance- i194.photobucket.com/albums/z275/GigaWolf/StudyMajor.jpg
Her Zanpakuto know as Alexandre is shaped in the form of a young adult male with the same markings as Loki’s gauntlet upon his forehead. Alexandre is quiet and wise; seeking to teach Loki how to control a power that she long has lost control of. Alexandre most commonly wears farmer robes and a straw hat though when teaching Loki a vital lesson wears a complete set of armor.

Alexandre’s realm is a surreal dream as the only landmass is a single; floating island in an endless sky. On this little island is a single pool of water, a rock overlooking the water and a small collection of forest trees.

Sealed Zanpakuto:

i194.photobucket.com/albums/z275/GigaWolf/LokisZanpakutosealed.jpg (Right handed)

Alexandre’s sealed form is unique as far as zanpakuto’s go as it appears as armor rather then a weapon. Simply by its sealed form one can tell that Loki’s zanpakuto is defensive in nature however what one cannot see is that it has a series of runes on the inside. These runes grow stronger with each blow defended. When at its absolute peak it will release an incredible amount of reiatsu that can be extremely destructive. A release of power can cause a widespread shockwave that reduces the surrounding area to dust. (Not people only solid, inanimate mass like buildings but it does still pack a punch.)

As the gauntlet charges it can release its power before peaking but the attack will not be to its full capability. A trained eye could easily decipher its current power level by observing the brightness of the green glow beneath it but it would only allow an estimate at best. A key to defeating Alexandre’s first form is that a blow must be of a certain minimum strength to charge it; anything below simply will not.

When releasing the energy appears as dark green waves of reiatsu that can be direct with a swing to cause a directed shockwave version. (When it peaks it MUST release its power in a circular wave; it cannot be directed at that stage.)

Shikai Description:

“Guardian of Balance; beckon forth Alexandre!”

In its Shikai form Alexandre has the same appearance and ability and its sealed form with a single addition of two extra abilities and a pair of angelic wings. (Explained more below)

Shikai Abilities:

“Guardians Claim; Holy Defender”
Scale- i194.photobucket.com/albums/z275/GigaWolf/LokiWingsScale.jpg
Appearance- i194.photobucket.com/albums/z275/GigaWolf/LokiWingsRecolored.jpg
Once released into its shikai form a pair of large angel like wings appear from Loki’s back. The wings are crafted of reatsu and as such are highly resilient to attacks of a non-physical nature. In size they can each easily circle half of Loki and are indeed quite flexible. Though they can form a complete defense they cannot guard against physical impact well and being created out of Loki’s reiatsu can easily be weakened as well as leaving her body highly vulnerable.

While defensive implements her wings can also attack with massive impact far beyond anything she could muster otherwise. Though wings are primary designed for flying this particular ability only has them serve as extra limbs for defense and offense.

“Guardians Stand; Whispering Helix”
Appearance 1- i194.photobucket.com/albums/z275/GigaWolf/Ice_Fury_by_ccfreak2k.jpg
Appearance 2- i194.photobucket.com/albums/z275/GigaWolf/FantasyRealmAngelicPower.jpg
Of all ability that Loki has at her disposal this is one of the most aggressive as it causes widespread and uncontrolled damage. When in shikai form Loki uses this as it causes a mass barrage of attacks that are completely unpredictable. Though she often favors this ability she has little control over it; which strangely makes it more deadly. When something has a predictable pattered one can adjust to it but Whispering Helix is simply insane in its magnitude. While each blow does not cause much damage a barrage of 40-50, does. The most unusual thing about this ability is that each bolt is constantly fluctuating and changing shape. The further they must travel the easier it is to dodge them as they are much like a shotgun in spread.

The greatest weakness of the Whispering Helix is its obvious lack of accuracy and power of each projectile. As for its strength being its mass and unpredictability.

Bankai Description:

To be added and developed at a later date.

Bankai Abilities:

To be added and developed at a later date.

Skill Level: Kidou: Beginner
Skill Level: Swordsmanship: Beginner
Skill Level: Shunpou: Intermediate
Skill Level: Hand-to-hand: Advanced
History/Background:

(Reference to years and birthdays is strictly for her appearance not actual time past.)
Being one among many brothers Loki had disbanded her feminine self in exchange for inclusion within her family. Due to a hollow attack her parents had died shortly after her 5rd birthday; leaving her grandfather to raise her and her 12 brothers. She enjoyed being with her brothers each day and pranking their neighbors and fellow villagers. This was what she was comfortable doing and not to do it would seem like an uncompleted day. It was a short 4 years latter that her grandfather died and her eldest brother took over the household. He struggled to keep the dojo running; depending on his own family to keep it together.

Her life ran smoothly enough as she continued her pranking and spent all the rest of her time learning how to fight so that she could be the best. She lived poorly; depending on her brothers hand-downs to keep her clothed and warm. It was only when she was 12 that her brothers began to realize that their sister was a girl. Very quickly they began to treat her like she was ‘supposed’ to be treated. She hated that now her brother no longer looked at her the same and would become something else all together when she was in the room. This only seemed to fuel her as she spent more time training while her pranks began to cross the line from joke to mishap waiting to happen. The only gift from then on her brothers got her were dresses and war paint, well at least she thought it was war paint.

However it was her 15th birthday that really threw her over the line as her brothers bought her a bra. Needless to say she ripped it half and ran off to the shinigami academy to prove that she was stronger them. Her practical jokes almost earned her an execution as she set off a barrel of fireworks in a captain’s office. But like always she squirmed through her punishment and ended up getting off scot-free. But her skill in combat and unique zanpakuto had her pass the academy rather swiftly and join the ranks of the Gotei. She currently is a member of the Gotei __ shinigami and through her strange combat approach and over the top pranks earned herself the title of Loki.

Combat style-
Loki prefers to use aggressive movements; using her defensive capabilities to get close and deal damage with her strongest advantage. Unfortunately all her focus on her physical attributes has left her with academy level kido and swordsmanship skills with only an intermediate shunpo. Being restricted to close quarters combat is where she feels most at home as she can easily maneuver where others might not. While at any range other then melee she is completely dependent on her defensive capabilities. She has however proven quick by any standards as she has been known to catch blades in mid swing; using what little control she has over reiatsu to form it around her right hand.

RP Sample:

Deep in the recesses of Loki’s mind; standing on a floating island in an endless midnight sky two figures lunged at each other. The air was crisp and calm; even through the fighting it seemed no blow was truly intended. Flash and spark; one after another broke the shallow darkness. With each strike the trees seemed to rustle as if hold their breath and clenching their teeth. Loki and Alexandre clashed with gauntleted fist. Using all her might Loki was jabbing blows at Alexandre with him in turn only dusting them off with a sidestep and a light guard. Each strike kicked up sparks into the air with an almost nail on board sound following. Bit by bit Loki’s blow grew strong until she put her entire might into a single blow that Alexandre could only counter with his own. *Crash*

They stood in silence with their gauntlets first; identically placed with both stance and impact. Smirking ever so slightly Alexandre spoke in a tired and impressed voice. “Well done little one.” Hearing the comment she flowed her stand and took his raised arm over her shoulder and threw him over it. Slamming into the ground with a thump Alexandre seemed to enjoy that he was placed into a lying positing. Both being exhausted Loki fell down to her own lying position; head to head. “So… you think I could use bankai yet?” Loki spoke in a condescending tone. *sigh* “Even the greatest emperor cannot conquer a world in a single cycle.” “Yeah, yeah Mr Deep and meaningful.” With Loki’s final displeased words she opened her eyes and was once again back in the Soul Society.

Perched in a large tree with the flowing koi-pond below Loki awoke from what felt like a deep slumber. Unlike in Alexandre’s realm it was just after zenith and the sun was full bloom overhead. Through the cracks in the tree cover warm rays of sunlight shone down on Loki’s skin. The calm water beneath her rippled slightly as koi nibbled at the flakes of tree that fell from her perch touched its surface ever so delicately. It was to this same tree in this same garden that she preferred to hide in between her duties and mischief. Turning her attention to distant building she stared closely; waiting for something to happen, and it did. Breaking the calm silence of the Seireitei a loud and angry voice came from her point of attention. “LOKI!” It was obviously a mans voice and he was obviously very displeased.

Her disappointed mood was quickly swapped for a barrage of loud laughing as Loki gripped her sides to cackle for a joke well played. Earlier in the morning she had snuck two very large and smelly pigs into an unfortunate second seat squad member’s room. Just returning from morning duties he arrived and was greeted by two very dirt house guests. With her chuckles she was unable to keep her balance and soon found herself in the bellow koi pond with a large and cold splash. Climbing out of the water she was greeted by a captain’s uniform and a disapproving face. “Oh come on! Its just two porkers; at least consider the effort it was to sneak TWO of them in! Ile tell you it sure ain’t easy!” Getting to her feet; and out of the koi-pond she followed the captain out of the garden with a bowed head. Just as they passed the gardens gate she was off and running; leaping onto a nearby roof and making her dash northward.

Not being too concerned whether she was being followed or not she leapt from tile to tile and roof to roof. It was not difficult to find her with the clanging roof being quite loud with every step. Not but five minutes from her escape attempt she was about to get to her squads sector when a flash of light came from the corner of her eye. “Way of binding; crawling rope!” Before she could react a sliver of light tightly wrapped around her left leg and she fell of the buildings edge. Left dangling like some common catch the rope of light bound her entire body as she was lifted up. Just passing the rooftop and seeing her trappers face she let out a sarcastic plea. “You said you liked pink so what’s the bid deal?” Hauling her onto their back the shinigami began to carry her like a common backpack. “Come on your teeth will go back to normal in 2-4 weeks! The box said ‘Guaranteed’”

Satisfied with her defeat she decided that this was a better time then any to catch some sleep. Drool hanging from the corner of her gawked mouth she was carried to be judged for her pesky crimes; once again.

[Shinigami Kyra]

Personality: A bit of grammar that needs to be fixed up; i.e., "Loki is playful and funny and the best of times and a complete nuisance and the worst of times." And the best of times what? You sorta just throw it in there, but don't use it for anything. Did you mean 'at the best of times?' I don't understand what you mean there. Also; a lot of people tend to do this little 'split personality' deal, where they state one personality, but of course, suddenly change it during battle. We would like to see people stick to one perspective personality, i.e., if they're a jokester, stick to that theme. People tend to only develop second personalities so they can act one way during normal posts, then act 'out of character serious' during fighting threads. This is quite a mary sue aspect, and as such, I would like you to either develop this 'angered' personality more by adding at least another paragraph for 'both' aspects, or sticking to one. Why does she switch during battle? What triggers this sudden flip-flop change?

Appearance: For appearances, we expect description. While pictures are always nice and not against the rules, they should not replace proper description of your character. As such, I never look at the picture until after I have read the appearance. What you have is good, but I'd like at least another half-paragraph to a full one, describing full height (you state that she's short, I believe, in personality), and type of build she may have. How long's her hair, what's her normal expression, ect. Describe the picture as though it weren't there.

Zanpakuto Spirit: Same as above; a bit more description on both physical appearance, actual relationship to Loki (aside from the obvious teacher/student aspect), and the inner world as a whole.

Sealed Zanpakuto: No. Pure and simple. Unreleased Zanpakuto have no abilities, and normally look like one of three things; a Katana, Wakizashi, or a Nodachi. As such, they would not be 'gauntlets' until AFTER the released state. I recommend bleach.wikia.com/wiki/Zanpakuto to aid in helping to acquire an acceptable sealed Zanpakuto.

Release Phrase: Every application that I've come across over the past week have had, on average, more than three words in the release command. On average, for the Bleach universe for Canons, it's one to three words (two in Japanese, though translated sometimes to three), with the only exceptions being Ukitake, Shunsui, Toshiro, Soifon, and Yamamoto. Aside from Kaien, all are of Captain Level, and two of which dual wield (which is why their release phrase is so long). As such, I will be implementing a rule shortly that all release phrases can only be up to three characters in length, not including the Zanpakuto's name. Anything longer, and the opponent in which they face may interrupt the process of Shikai, simply due to the fact that it's ridiculously, and unnecessarily long (i.e., Ichigo stopping Senna from going into Shikai from the first movie). Long story short, sealed Zanpakuto have no initial abilities, nor are they anything aside from blade-like objects. No gauntlets until Shikai, no abilities until Shikai, end of story.

Shikai Description: The appearance for the unreleased Zanpakuto should now go here, since you will not have the same appearance any longer. And, no wings. Please refer to the Powers FAQ inside the forum's Main Guide for more details on the reasons for this. Also; what you have in description should be moved to abilities. Nothing indicating what it does, or the reason of its glow should be placed in description, other than the fact that it 'glows'. Indicating its abilities is not allowed here; that is what the 'Abilities' section is for.

Shikai Abilities:

“Guardians Claim; Holy Defender” - Again; no wings. Please replace with another ability.

“Guardians Stand; Whispering Helix” - Ok, no. The reason for this is that it's very hard to have such a 'random' attack become acceptable. Thinking about it from a Moderator's perspective, what's to say that a single usage of this attack provides your character with 50 direct hits, since they're 'random?' Also; you don't really describe the attack at all (again, I'm not looking at the pictures). You don't list a limitation on this at all, or any sort of weakness; range, or how much damage each bolt would do individually. You only give off a single notation that it's 'Randomness' is its weakness, along with the weakness of individual bolts... but like I said; who's to judge what hits and what doesn't? You need to adjust this ability accordingly.

History: 5rd birthday? Either third, or fifth. Short four years latter? Later I think you mean. You kinda throw in random aspects; like the 'dojo' that the grandfather ran before he died. Try explaining a bit more of her life before this event happened; what dojo?

I doubt someone who was supposed to be executed for setting off fireworks would be let off the hook with absolutely NO punishment. First of all, unless there were injuries, I doubt she would receive an execution; a trip to the Maggot's Next, AT MOST. Other than that, months of cleaning duties.

The overall aspect, up to the Shinigami Academy, just seems too... generalist... or perhaps, is just missing key points. I can't see the brothers not knowing Loki's a girl for over ten years, especially with so many siblings!

Details in the history on how she achieved Shikai.

Sample Post: Will review this the second time around; have to head out currently.

Overall: Balance in power and ability; your application lacks that key aspect. A few grammar errors scattered throughout various sections make it difficult to truly understand what it is you're trying to say. You may not have a lot of abilities, but you do have seemingly powerful ones. More physical description, and make certain ability descriptions are placed in the abilities section. Unsealed Zanpakuto hold no abilities, and look like general swords with slight alterations for individuality.

[viii]

Firstly I would like to thank you for your swift application view and secondly apologize for my lack of grammar perfection. It was late and I had been trying to finish it before I went to bed. I am willing to make all the changes however there is one point that I wish to make that is also a question I suppose...

The wing concept for my character is not for flight but for combat as a means of extra limbs and yet I am forbidden to have them?

If I may quote the Building a Character FAQ

"We can understand wings for humans. Humans can't really fly. Every other group can, some how, though, so they do not need wings. If you have wings for purposes other than flight, or trying to look badass, that's awesome! Work wings into something meaningful beyond aesthetics, and you've got some redemption, but because they're so popular, the cool factor is low for wings."

It is not against the rules to have wings as long as they serve a purpose beyond flight and aesthetics. And my wing design is in fact that so other then the rules being changed I should be permitted to have wings. The question part of all this is: Am I aloud to have wings? If I am not then my characters entire inner lying zanpakuto design is scrapped. If the case is that I cannot then that unfortunately will mean I will have to withdraw my application. As is there are far too many limitations and rules that is put here that is quite literally an originality choke-hold that combined with the poor interface would make it took difficult for me to continue at this particular website.

[Shinigami Kyra]

Alright; if you want the wings, then I'll review them accordingly.

Once released into its shikai form a pair of large angel like wings appear from Loki’s back. The wings are crafted of reatsu and as such are highly resilient to attacks of a non-physical nature. In size they can each easily circle half of Loki and are indeed quite flexible. Though they can form a complete defense they cannot guard against physical impact well and being created out of Loki’s reiatsu can easily be weakened as well as leaving her body highly vulnerable.

While defensive implements her wings can also attack with massive impact far beyond anything she could muster otherwise. Though wings are primary designed for flying this particular ability only has them serve as extra limbs for defense and offense.

You don't give enough information on exactly how much non-physical attacks they can withstand. Not only that, but you don't really leave anything BUT physical attacks as it's apparent weakness, aside from stating that they 'leave her body highly vulnerable'... to what, physical attacks? That's not really any sort of vulnerability... or anything that would be different than any normal physical attribute. What I mean is, just because they don't protect against physical attacks, doesn't mean that's a weakness. Right now, you pretty much just explained that they can withstand high-level attacks of all types, except Melee. That means, any elemental-based attack, any Kido-based attack, and any projectile attack or spiritual-oriented attack; That's FAR too much of a variety. There must be a weakness in there.

Not only that, but you also state that they can be used offensively; again, not explaining the attack whatsoever, but merely stating that they can be used to attack 'far beyond anything she could muster.' So... what is this 'ability?' Does she fire stuff out from her wings? Does she smack people in the face with them? Backhand/Pimp-hand style?

The reason I said no to your wing idea was not to 'Hinder on your Originality,' it was because not only was it a common theme among SEVERAL occupants for simply wanting more limbs, or more ways to 'defend' against attacks, or simply more reishi to collect from, but overall, it's just too ridiculously powerful, as well as far too vague. You need to describe it far more than you already have, and either make it defensive, or offensive; not both. If you do make it both, then include it in different sections, indicating each ability to their limits. The reason I ask for this is because, from a moderator's standpoint, it is our job to see if any ability applied for can be abused in anyway, even by simple wording misplacement.

Not only that, but the only person to ever have actual 'wings' are Byakuya and Toshiro, and they only have them in Bankai. Physical changes is what I was talking about. Read THAT section, not the 'You can't have wings because it's not cool/original.' There should be no physical changes for Shikai. Bankai is the one where, with a VERY VERY bare minimum, someone would undergo some sort of physical appearance change (for example, Toshiro gaining ice wings and such, Renji with the cloth over his shoulders, etc.).

That, my friend, is what I was referring to. No wings for SHIKAI.

So; if you feel like I'm 'choke-holding' your 'originality,' then by all means, don't let the door hit you on the way out. Do not just simply assume that I'm attempting to swat down originality. I'll admit, I didn't really go into detail about it, but I simply assumed that it was common sense that no one ever gets a physical appearance change in Shikai; their weapons change, that's it. No full body armor, no cool $800 Jordans, no Fedora, and certainly no wings.

As I have stated already, you have to look at it from another person's perspective. Yes, you want to create a really cool character with your own original concept. But, you have to realize limitations. If it's not canon, it probably won't fly. No one goes through physical changes for Shikai? It won't fly.

As such, pretty much everything you said is a mute point, so as I stated before, fix your character, or go find another site.