Cloud de la Hoya (Ready for Approval)

[konman]

Name: Cloud de la Hoya
Age: 176- Looks like he is 21
Gender: Male
Personality:

Cloud is a withdrawn character but is never afraid of saying what must be said, he is a strong individual and has a great ego and pride but in no way is he arrogant, he knows when he has had enough of a conversation or a fight and you will definitely know when that is too, he has no problem with killing his comrades if it is for the sake of a mission or task. He can't stand those that are arrogant, like Grimmjow and makes it his joy to watch them suffer. He likes nature it to be quiet most of the time and that is why he likes the deserts so much, and if anyone was to disturb his peace, he would have no problem with cutting their throats. He believes silence is a sign of strength. He is also very interested in all types of literature and reads many books on all subjects, especially that on tactics and the Art of War. He also enjoys philosophy and reads books on martial arts as well. Strangely enough he finds all of these books available in Hueco Mundo, his comrades like to steal from the libraries in the human world.

Appearance:

Cloud has silver white hair. His skin color is tan, mediterranean skin. His eye color is red. He is 6ft. 2inch. tall and weighs 180lbs. The remains of his mask is a bone piece that covers the back part of his jaw, on the left side it looks like the remains of a dragons jaw because it is jagged and has teeth coming out of it. He wears conventional arrancar clothing, but slightly personalized. He has a shirt that has a long sleeve on his right arm and his left sleeve is cut off to his shoulder, his left arm is the arm he holds his zanpakutou in. He wears pants exactly like Grimmjows, and he wears arrancar sandals.

Arrancar Powers:

Enhanced Sight- Cloud has an enhanced ability of sight, he describes it as the sight of a dragon and enhances his ability of firing cero's from the eye.

Pesquisa- Cloud has a very refined ability of being able to sense other people around him.

Natural Arrancar Powers:

Cero- Cloud is very used to using ceros in battle and has killed many times with it.

Hierro- Clouds hierro is very hard, he thinks it is about as strong as the lower espada and has proved it so in combat.

Sonido- Cloud is also very advanced at sonido and can travel long distances using just one step. There is never a fight where he doesn't use sonido.

Zanpakuto's name:

Rathalos

Un-released Zanpakuto's Appearance:

The unreleased appearance of Clouds zanpakutou is a long, thick sword, made entirely out of metal and it is double sided, Cloud is strong enough to wield this sword with one arm if he wants to, which he usually does. His left arm is his dominant arm.

Just the image ignore everything else please: monsterhunter.wikia.com/wiki/Carbalite_Sword

Resurrección Release phrase::

Conquistar(conquer)

Resurrección Appearance::

Cloud, when he releases his zanpakutou appears in crimson red armor, it looks like it is made from a powerful red dragon. The armor is made from red scales and shells of a red dragon. His head is concealed by a helmet, and al you can see of him is his eyes. He has gauntlets with sharp talon like blades on the wrist which he uses in combat. He also has those talons coming out of the top of his knee, he implements these into his fighting as well. His shoulders are well protected by layers of scales which seem to come from a dragon. He starts emanating red reiatsu as well.

Resurrección Abilities::

Dragon Fuego Bola:
Cloud conjures up crimson flames in front of him and fires it forward in a giant crimson fireball. This is actually just fire, not a cero or a bala. Cloud can use this many times in a fight, about 6.

Rathalos Garra Golpear:
The Claws on Clouds gauntlets start emanating red reiatsu like a cero, it then focuses to fine points on his gauntlet finger tips and he makes a slashing movement and six red claw like blasts of reiatsu rush towards the enemy. This is more similar to that of a bala than a cero but is stronger than a bala. Cloud can use this a maximum of 3 times.

Rathalos Finishing Strike:
Cloud starts glowing crimson, he then gathers all of this crimson energy into his gauntlets, he joins the two gauntlets together and all of the crimson power goes into one unit of power, emanating reiatsu, he then fires this at his enemy. It creates a large explosion and does high damage, this is Clouds last resort attack. He is only capable of using this once in a fight.

Skill Level: Kidou: Intermediate
Skill Level: Swordsmanship: Advanced
Skill Level: Sonido: Advanced
Skill Level: Hand-to-hand: Intermediate
History/Background:

When Cloud was live as a human he lived in Dublin, Ireland.
He moved around the world when he turned 18 and saw new things and lived on the edge, doing whatever he wanted. And because of this living on the edge lifestyle he died when he was bungie jumping, the line mysteriously snapped when he was free falling. This happened when he was living in Spain.

Cloud became a hollow after he was attacked by another lesser hollow after he died in Spain, he went through his live as a hollow in Hueco Mundo, he always seemed to like the flesh of a hollow more so than the flesh of a human soul. He became an Adjuchas about 50 years afterwards, he got up to the white sands of Hueco Mundo, he immediately started on his diet of eating other hollows again. He didn't really do much as an Adjuchas, it was before the time of Aizen so there was not much excitement other than when he was eating other hollows.

After he became an arrancar which happened another 60 years later after a lot of eating and fighting, he traveled through Hueco Mundo in search of more power than he already had he trained for this amount of time, virtually no other arrancar. He did this for 80 years, he knew everything about Hueco Mundo at this point, he hadn't been to Las Noches yet and he would never go right up until the time Aizen showed up.

Cloud was curious as to how powerful he really was, he was able to reform the Hueco Mundo hierarchy and create the Espada, the ten most powerful hollow in Hueco Mundo, Cloud was and still is curious if he is able to become an Espada.

RP Sample:

Clous walked through the desert, he heard from other arrancar that in the real world there was such a thing as a sun, Cloud had no idea what this was, he had never been to Earth or to Soul Society, at least he didn't remember. Cloud tried to imagine what it would look like, Cloud could open garganta's he just never had the desire to go, maybe he would go now that he heard of something so interesting. He was stopped now looking out at the desert.

"Maybe I'll be able to destroy it" Cloud said for the whole empty desert to hear. "No one around?" Cloud asked the desert. "Of course not!" he continued, but now yelling at the empty desert. Cloud waved his arm and a garganta opened.
"Even darker than out here" Cloud commented looking into the garganta.

"Going somewhere?" A voice came from behind him, Cloud stood alert now, Cloud wondered how he didn't sense him, this was very strange Cloud should have been able to sense him with his pesquisa a mile away. Cloud turned to face the stranger, the garganta closed as he did so. It was another arrancar, like him, he had pink hair.
"Looks like you're from Las Noches, am I right?" Cloud asked the arrancar. The stranger replied, "As a matter of fact I am."
The stranger continued to say "Raul Vestado, is my name, yours is Cloud de la Hoya, I have been asked by someone to follow you out here and approach you." Cloud stood there silent, still waiting for a good reason he shouldn't tear him into tiny pieces. Cloud just stared at him with his red and blue eye. Raul stood there staring as well obviously not wanting to say anymore.

"Do you want me to kill you?" Cloud asked Raul very seriously and hostile like. "Haha, you're very blunt, but the person who sent me after you made it very clear I would have no problem with you." Raul said playfully and also very arrogantly. "Don't try to give me the death stare either, although you are scary looking greater men have tried" Raul continued.

Cloud then said with subtle anger and annoyance present in his voice, "Tell me who sent you to see me here, or else I wont let you live."

Raul smirked. "Haha, you're a funny one, for that I'll give you a hint, it was an Espada who is curious about how powerful you really are." Now Cloud smirked, he started laughing, Raul stopped smirking and became uneasy. "Haha...you're not very smart...haha, are you?" Cloud continued laughing, Raul stood there. "An Espada who sends a lower arrancar to test the power of another merely means that this is a test and they don't want to put themselves in danger!" Cloud gradually stopped laughing. "This Espada lied to you, he is expecting you to die, and I will humor him!" Cloud grinned now.

Cloud took his giant sword off of his back. "I would draw that if I were you" Cloud said while looking at Raul's zanpakutou. Raul was stunned, he really wasn't a bright person, and it wasn't about to serve him well. Raul stood there stunned for about 30 more seconds, then snapped out of it.

"I wont let you kill me!" Raul yelled out frantically, drawing his zanpakutou and charged forward at Cloud. Cloud let him come close and then he ducked down to his waist as Raul struck in a left to right motion, Cloud jabbed Raul in the gut and sent him flying about twenty feet in the other direction. Raul got up out of the cloud of sand that surrounded him, he grabbed for his zanpakutou frantically and scared out of his wits.

"I don't think so" Cloud said as Raul tried to get his zanpakutou. Cloud used sonido and appeared right in front of Raul. "Your sword is mine now!" Cloud yelled, he cut off both of his arms in one swing. Raul jumped back and cried out in pain.
"I'll take your arms as well!" They laid in the blood soaked sand, Cloud picked up Raul's zanpakutou.

"Actually..." Cloud started there was a pause where all that could be heard was Raul yelling in pain "...I changed my mind! You can have your zanpakutou back!"
Cloud jumped forward and stabbed Raul's sword in his right foot with his right hand, still holding his giant zanpakutou in his left hand. Cloud jumped up into the air and stood there.

"See?!" Cloud asked Raul
"... I was gracious enough to give you your zanpakutou back, but I'll still keep your arms!" Cloud put his zanpakutou on his back Cloud then said "Cero" Cloud started charging his custom cero and fired it from his right hand, it rushed straight towards Raul, as soon as it hit, Raul disintegrated. Cloud turned and jumped down and started walking in the other direction, but he felt a presence again, the same as before.

Cloud turned, very annoyed saying "You're dumb enough to try and stay alive!?" Cloud to his amazement saw not one but two Rauls. "What the hell is going on!?" The two Rauls were also fully replenished except for a bit of blood on their arms, then Cloud figured it out. One of them had blood on his right arm, the other had blood on his left arm.

"I know what happened I just don't understand why it happened."

The two Rauls laughed. "I'll explain" One of them said. "No I'll explain" The other said. "No, I'll explain!" The one on the left said quite agitated, Cloud pulled his zanpakutou off of his back and threw it at the one that just spoke, he flew back 30ft. and landed on the ground, stone cold dead.

"You explain" Cloud said to the Raul still alive. He opened his mouth and Cloud jumped forward and punched him in the face with his left arm and sent him flying in the other direction. The Raul got up.
"Just kidding" Cloud said with a smirk on his face. He heard a sound to his left, what he saw surprised him, a Raul with a hole in his chest and blood surrounding it. Cloud jumped up out of the way to the left to avoid his sword swing, Cloud planted himself in the air and kicked him in the face with his right foot in a low sweeping motion and he was sent flying over next to the other one. They stood there and they said at the same time

"You want us to explain now?" They were smiling. "No! I already know how to kill you!" Cloud charged two ceros one in each hand, he sonido'd above them and fired a cero from his left hand, one of them was directly hit and completely destroyed, the other one jumped out of the way to the right.

"Shit!" Raul said "I couldn't even trace his movements and he knows how to get rid of me for good!" He started running away, Cloud watched him do this. "How foolish" Cloud said as he watched him, then he sonido'd right in front of him.

"You can't get away from me!", Cloud pointed the cero at him and fired. Nothing was left of Raul except for his pinky. Cloud looked at it and then said "I wont take the chance" Cloud charged and fired a cero at the pinky, nothing was left now.

Cloud turned and walked away "I guess I wont go see the sun now I'll just go find that Espada and kill him for bothering me."

Attachments:

[konman]

and I should be ready for approval now

[Shinigami Kyra]

Ok... first, try to reduce the amount of run-on sentences you have. It sorta makes it difficult not only to read, but to truly understand what it is you are trying to express.

Personality: Just seems... I dunno; you have a lot explained there, but you don't explain a lot, if you see what I'm saying. Basically, you say a lot of one thing; he's the silent guy who thinks he's better than everyone else. He's a tactician, and likes to read. Still, you don't really get into his character all that much; what pisses him off? What makes him actually want to converse with other Arrancar? So on and so forth. You have a lot written, but some is just repeated, while others can simply be shortened.

Appearance: Just to let you know, it's not really all that unique to give two different colored eyes; it's sort of mary suish... get a little more descriptive of the mask itself; what kind of 'bone' is it? What kind of skull mask did it used to be?

Arrancar Powers: You are allowed to create your own variation of a Cero, but stating that it is equally powerful as a Cero, but faster, is not allowed. Thus; what would the point of having the natural Cero be? You need to have some sort of limitation on this. The most common route would be that an increase in speed would take away from power.

Ressurrecion Appearance: Link is broken. And no three separate phases; that simply allows you to grant yourself extra abilities. Pick one solid form in Ressurrecion.

Abilities: No Getsuga Tensho references or look-a-like attacks. That's far too Mary Sue to basically copy an attack from the main protagonist. You have a total of six attacks; reduce it to four.

Misc: You said at one point that he fires a Cero from his eyes... but then, your Cero states that he fires it from his mouth; which is it?

Before moving on to the sample post and history, I suggest cleaning up the above mentioned. Please post a reply only when you have made the proper editing necessary.

[konman]

ok, thanks for finally getting to me, but yeah, I thought that stuff seemed a ittle iffy, oh about the getsuga tenshou, I didnt know it was just easier for me to describe it that way.

[Shinigami Kyra]

Use your words to describe an attack. Always stay away from the "It's like such and such attack."

Also; please only reply AFTER you have made the proper editing. When we see that there is someone other than a mod in the last reply, we assume that the application is ready to be looked at.

As stated above, please post a reply ONLY after you have made the proper editing needed.

[konman]

I'm pretty sure you'll see a couple other problems. Just point them out and I'll take care of it!
Thank u!

This is ready for judgment!!!

[Shinigami Kyra]

Arrancar Powers: Pesquisa - I don't see being able to sense spiritual pressure as granting one the ability to fight with their eyes closed against weaker (or any) opponents. I would remove that factor. You can sense spiritual pressure; you can't suddenly see a punch coming in at you during close range melee with your eyes closed, though.

Resurreccion Appearance: Explain it in more detail; at least a full paragraph more than what you have.

Resurrección Abilities: Dragon Fuego Bola - A little more description on what this actually is; is it just a fire-based Bala? What kind of damage does it do, how often can he use it?

Rathalos Garra Golpear - Am I to believe that you just stated you have six Cero's fired at once? You say the energy emits like a Cero; so I imagine the Cero forming at the tips of his fingers. I don't believe you mean to say it is as powerful as a Cero (despite the fact that it looks like Grimmjow's ultimate attack). Please express the level of power this attack holds, as well as any limitations.

Rathalos Inferno - More detail on this ability... and, quite frankly, I'm a bit iffy; a Fire Tornado would insinuate that you have both wind and fire abilities. With your application up to this point, I would limit this attack or remove it completely to ease the process in getting it accepted.

Rathalos Finishing Strike - Far too wide ranged and powerful. Stating that you can only use it once (actually, you state twice) or as a last resort isn't much of an actual limitation. Stating that it's 2 meters in all directions, without really harming the individual himself, while creating massive damage... yea, it's a bit too much. Limit this attack, tone it down, or get rid of it completely.

History: Seems far too... bleh. I'd lengthen it at least a paragraph; come up with some nice Hollow Background. Waking up as an Arrancar and not knowing anything; I'd have to give this application a very weak power due to him basically being a newborn who wondered for eighty years doing nothing. What did he do in those eighty years? Stare at sand? Eat sand? Find a tree and take a wiz?

Sample Post: ... okay. First, when dialogue is made, a new paragraph is produced. With each new speaker, another new paragraph is produced. Thus, right now, there's WAY too much congested information, and for a dyslexic person like me, it's truly a nightmare. Since you still have the above to fix, I will go over this more fully in the next round.

Overall: You're still relying on the pictures far too heavily. Use your words to describe the pictures, don't keep posting links (and again, one of your links is broken). If this still becomes a problem, I will instead ask for you to remove all pictures from your application in order for you to write out the proper descriptions. Pictures are not replacements for proper description, as I have stated before. Fix up your Resurreccion Abilities greatly. Add more to history, and fix up the grammar issues in your Sample Post. I suggest reading over the Full Guide that we have in the Announcements, as it will help you with your writing. Look for the 'Craft of Writing' section.

[konman]

that should be ok, I know I'll have to do a little more I just don't know what but I suppose that's what you are for

[Shinigami Kyra]

Approved Mid-Average