Post by Rebel Raven on Aug 25, 2009 23:35:42 GMT -5
Hello, I'll be reviewing your application.
There is a question that must be asked before we go on.
1: Why do you have -3- profiles when the rules say 1 profile per person? We've checked your IP address, and you've been confirmed as emochad, konisaretard, and yukarashi973.
Okay, onto the review.
Why the hell does this guy have a hollowified hand?
Why the hell does this guy secretly have a necklace?
It'd be nice if these things were actually explained coz they're confusing as hell without explainations.
Seriously, lack of details on a "WTF?!" odd ball character really hurts things!
"The grip and handle are tan metal, but have a black cloth wrapped around the entire portion. It is contributed so perfectly that not a strand hangs from the end. Also, this "black" cloth is stained deeply with blood."
Why the heck is it "black" instead of black?
"Shiro Itoka (unmastered): Practically manifests his Zampakuto spirit, with a few differences. One, it is completely made of ice and snow. Two, it's twice as big as before. And three, it has no horn! It's unmastered because he cannot yet control it... His Zampakuto spirit controls it instead."
No minions. this power is denied.
"Kyokoro Zishomi (mastered): Freezes the ground of a certain area (can be chosen to extent and maximum can be expanded as user becomes stronger). Not very useful."
How much is a "certain area?" It can be VERY usedful if that area is a mile. It could melt, and you could get Aizen water for his tea. <.<
"Ground freeze: When Shikai state is entered, he can freeze most anything he cuts, therefor he can do limited abilities like make a very small wall of ice or have the ground under an enemies feet (if he can cut there) make a quick slip. Nothing special."
Not to be over critical, but why is it ground freeze when it freezes so much else other than the ground yet a previous ability specializes in freezing areas which could well be the ground?
Seems redundant.
"In this stage, Kyricho wears a set of armor (without shield accessory, unfortunately) that is comprised of ice and even has a snake head figure above Kyricho's own head, which is about as big as his own head except (of course) that it's slightly shorter and is longer going forward. He now has no sword and amazing control of icy abilities..."
Not a bad bankai form. It's rather unique in that it's purely armor, but
" He now has no sword and amazing control of icy abilities..."
is a Bankai ability and needs to be in the appropriate area.
If it upgrades his shikai abilities, that needs to be mentioned.
Further, does the ice armor regenerate? How well does it protect him? For all I know it could make him invilnerable. This is another case where you've skimped on details, and it cost your app.
"He learned with the rest of the students, and yet away from them as well. He completed his six-year curriculum in four years, and by then he had great speed and the ability to use Kidou in the seventies of levels."
70s? No, not at the power tier this guy's going in thanks to your lack of detail.
"After being a Shinigami for three years, he fought his first hollow. Yes, fought."
Why on earth is this a big deal? There's some pretty weak hollows out there, and after graduating he'd better be fighting hollows.
"He was amazed by the wide range of abilities the hollows had. This was something he hadn't learned from the textbooks..."
I'd think shinigami academy would prepare this guy for most anything a hollow could throw at'em. If there was a unique power, he'd be boned, probably.
"Then the fateful day, more than a hundred years later, when he met Kaindo... He was quickly immersed in interest, and began following the arrancar around, never returning to Seireitei. "
I know they're both your characters, but honestly, It seems pretty dern convenient they didn't try to kill eachother. Or did they? How the heck would I know?!! You don't detail!
And it would've been nice if you linked to Kaindo's app so I knew who the hell this guy was!
"He quickly realized all the horrors the Shinigami bestowed, as he saw numerous fights between them and Kaindo... And he drew closer to Kaindo, his heart growing cold from everything he heard."
Numerous fights from an arrancar you, yourself said doesn't like to fight? The heck you say? That doesn't make much sense.
"He soon abandoned the Shinigami from all the good corridors of his mind, taking them only as enemies, and went to Hueco Mundo. "
How the heck did this shinigami not get mudered in a fucking heartbeat by other Arrancar, and hollows?
You do remember that they hate Shinigami, right?
I don't see any reason he wasn't oblitterated on the spot along with his arrancar buddy for consorting with Shinigami.
"He trained with Kaindo quite a lot, and when not doing that he trained with the never-ending supplement of hollows hiding in the white sands, lurking in wait of prey..."
Neverending hollows? Maybe. Weak enough ot all get their butts kicked? Uh, no. 'm pretty sure if he gathered enough attention one big, mean one would walk over, and smash him like a sledgehammer on a tent spike.
An espada, or someone form Las Noches would slap him and tell him to stop wasting their resources... then realize he's a shinigami, then oblitterate him, or eat him, or consign him to some other terrible fate... then find the guy that let a Shinigami kill hollows, and follow suit there.
"Kyricho grew stronger. He became more powerful than those wannabe warriors from the Soul Society. He knew that he had gained as much power as most seated Shinigami in the same amount of timea soul could turn into a Shinigami... Just six years... He was amazed. He started becoming a loyal follower of Kaindo. Kaindo's era has begun."
Uh, no. this guy's gunna be lucky to access his bankai at all at this rate. He's not going to be powerful. He sure as hell ain't going to be stronger than "wannabes" like Byakuya, Soifon, Kenpachi, Komamura, nevermind Aizen, or Gin who'd probably have him ground into more sand for Hueco Mundo considering they're Shinigami regardless of alliance, and you sure as hell ain't going ot have the power to take those "wannabes" on.
And what "era"?! The Era of the pacifist Arrancar that's not all that powerful to begin with compared to other Arrancar, Shinigami captains, shinigami Lieutenants, and some lower seated Shinigami?
"Kyricho continued to grow in power. He fought on near equal terms with his master. Within twenty years of going to Hueco Mundo he achieved Manifestation level. He has gone to earth on his master's command to become all the greater by killing any Shinigami he finds. This is where we leave off..."
Hell no he's not going to be High Level Average. You left WAAAAAAAAAAY too many questions unanswered for me to even consider High level anything.
Also killing any shinigami he finds, huh? I could plop him at Low Level weak, and he'd be as powerful as a Shinigami Academy graduate with no shikai, or bankai. Any Shinigami I've approved wold slap him silly, and kill him for being a traitor.
Also, it's pretty insulting to your other character to lump a guy who can barely bankai, and is armed with a ton of weak ass shikai abilities in with him in terms of power. If that's the case I feel like I should demote your arrancar considering this app.
then his Kaindo's "Era" would be in serious doubt.
You are aware of the pwer tiers, right? They determine how powerful a character is regarless of a person's abilities.
Those power tiers aren't based on how tough you write up a character, or the powers you give them, they're based on the things we crave most out of applications.
Hard work, and DETAILS.
The less questions you leave for us, the stronger your app is, which leads to a higher inclination to give a better power tier in the range of the character's abilities.
You could describe a character as being able to crack earth in half with their little finger, but if they're beginner level weak, they'd be lucky to survive an encounter with your basic human.
Where exactly does this RP sample take place? I don't know of anywhere in Hueco Mundo where a person can go to strengthen their bankai coz Shinigami are turned into grease spots by the numerous hollows there. They don't cater to Shinigami there. They kill'em so they don't have to cater.
've done 2 of your apps so far, and both haven't exactly made me confident you're not going to pick on people of lower tiers just to feel powerful coz you're building your characters up to be really powerful.
Infact going by your character's desire to kill any shingami he finds, it seems you'll do exactly that. wait and find someone of a lower tier, swoop in, and try to kill them.
Guess what, if that's all you wanna do, 'm sure more than a few staff members that dislike power playing would be more than thrilled to swoop in, ans kill -your- character with someone stronger.
I haven't forgotten your Talkative Arrancar's desired ability to kill anyone below 3rd seat in one sting, more or less.
It seems like you wanna be allmighty powerful, and your last Arrancar wasn't as powerful as you'd like so now you want to gang up on people and try to take down -everyone- you find.
You also won the jackpot in catching me on a baaad night with a character you want to be god allmighty powerful yet not give a stellar application to achieve that.
Nevermind the fact you've apparently broken the rule mentioned above, and you aren't al that active with what character you -do- have!
Activity makes us happy! It makes up wanna give more slack, and leeway with apps, and offer better tiers, and promote existing characters!
But you only have -8- posts to your name!! 2 of them are apps!
That's 6 posts since you've joined!
You're not active! So there's no way in hell I'm allowing a lazy app through! Nor give a high power tier!
And it doesn't matter if you're even a veteran on your other accounts coz only -this one- matters when you app!
Speaking of, unless you have a gooooood reason forhaving -3- accounts to your IP address, 'm tempted, SORELY tempted to have you pick -2- to be deleted from the site.
If they're your siblings, I want some proof of it.
There is a question that must be asked before we go on.
1: Why do you have -3- profiles when the rules say 1 profile per person? We've checked your IP address, and you've been confirmed as emochad, konisaretard, and yukarashi973.
Okay, onto the review.
Why the hell does this guy have a hollowified hand?
Why the hell does this guy secretly have a necklace?
It'd be nice if these things were actually explained coz they're confusing as hell without explainations.
Seriously, lack of details on a "WTF?!" odd ball character really hurts things!
"The grip and handle are tan metal, but have a black cloth wrapped around the entire portion. It is contributed so perfectly that not a strand hangs from the end. Also, this "black" cloth is stained deeply with blood."
Why the heck is it "black" instead of black?
"Shiro Itoka (unmastered): Practically manifests his Zampakuto spirit, with a few differences. One, it is completely made of ice and snow. Two, it's twice as big as before. And three, it has no horn! It's unmastered because he cannot yet control it... His Zampakuto spirit controls it instead."
No minions. this power is denied.
"Kyokoro Zishomi (mastered): Freezes the ground of a certain area (can be chosen to extent and maximum can be expanded as user becomes stronger). Not very useful."
How much is a "certain area?" It can be VERY usedful if that area is a mile. It could melt, and you could get Aizen water for his tea. <.<
"Ground freeze: When Shikai state is entered, he can freeze most anything he cuts, therefor he can do limited abilities like make a very small wall of ice or have the ground under an enemies feet (if he can cut there) make a quick slip. Nothing special."
Not to be over critical, but why is it ground freeze when it freezes so much else other than the ground yet a previous ability specializes in freezing areas which could well be the ground?
Seems redundant.
"In this stage, Kyricho wears a set of armor (without shield accessory, unfortunately) that is comprised of ice and even has a snake head figure above Kyricho's own head, which is about as big as his own head except (of course) that it's slightly shorter and is longer going forward. He now has no sword and amazing control of icy abilities..."
Not a bad bankai form. It's rather unique in that it's purely armor, but
" He now has no sword and amazing control of icy abilities..."
is a Bankai ability and needs to be in the appropriate area.
If it upgrades his shikai abilities, that needs to be mentioned.
Further, does the ice armor regenerate? How well does it protect him? For all I know it could make him invilnerable. This is another case where you've skimped on details, and it cost your app.
"He learned with the rest of the students, and yet away from them as well. He completed his six-year curriculum in four years, and by then he had great speed and the ability to use Kidou in the seventies of levels."
70s? No, not at the power tier this guy's going in thanks to your lack of detail.
"After being a Shinigami for three years, he fought his first hollow. Yes, fought."
Why on earth is this a big deal? There's some pretty weak hollows out there, and after graduating he'd better be fighting hollows.
"He was amazed by the wide range of abilities the hollows had. This was something he hadn't learned from the textbooks..."
I'd think shinigami academy would prepare this guy for most anything a hollow could throw at'em. If there was a unique power, he'd be boned, probably.
"Then the fateful day, more than a hundred years later, when he met Kaindo... He was quickly immersed in interest, and began following the arrancar around, never returning to Seireitei. "
I know they're both your characters, but honestly, It seems pretty dern convenient they didn't try to kill eachother. Or did they? How the heck would I know?!! You don't detail!
And it would've been nice if you linked to Kaindo's app so I knew who the hell this guy was!
"He quickly realized all the horrors the Shinigami bestowed, as he saw numerous fights between them and Kaindo... And he drew closer to Kaindo, his heart growing cold from everything he heard."
Numerous fights from an arrancar you, yourself said doesn't like to fight? The heck you say? That doesn't make much sense.
"He soon abandoned the Shinigami from all the good corridors of his mind, taking them only as enemies, and went to Hueco Mundo. "
How the heck did this shinigami not get mudered in a fucking heartbeat by other Arrancar, and hollows?
You do remember that they hate Shinigami, right?
I don't see any reason he wasn't oblitterated on the spot along with his arrancar buddy for consorting with Shinigami.
"He trained with Kaindo quite a lot, and when not doing that he trained with the never-ending supplement of hollows hiding in the white sands, lurking in wait of prey..."
Neverending hollows? Maybe. Weak enough ot all get their butts kicked? Uh, no. 'm pretty sure if he gathered enough attention one big, mean one would walk over, and smash him like a sledgehammer on a tent spike.
An espada, or someone form Las Noches would slap him and tell him to stop wasting their resources... then realize he's a shinigami, then oblitterate him, or eat him, or consign him to some other terrible fate... then find the guy that let a Shinigami kill hollows, and follow suit there.
"Kyricho grew stronger. He became more powerful than those wannabe warriors from the Soul Society. He knew that he had gained as much power as most seated Shinigami in the same amount of timea soul could turn into a Shinigami... Just six years... He was amazed. He started becoming a loyal follower of Kaindo. Kaindo's era has begun."
Uh, no. this guy's gunna be lucky to access his bankai at all at this rate. He's not going to be powerful. He sure as hell ain't going to be stronger than "wannabes" like Byakuya, Soifon, Kenpachi, Komamura, nevermind Aizen, or Gin who'd probably have him ground into more sand for Hueco Mundo considering they're Shinigami regardless of alliance, and you sure as hell ain't going ot have the power to take those "wannabes" on.
And what "era"?! The Era of the pacifist Arrancar that's not all that powerful to begin with compared to other Arrancar, Shinigami captains, shinigami Lieutenants, and some lower seated Shinigami?
"Kyricho continued to grow in power. He fought on near equal terms with his master. Within twenty years of going to Hueco Mundo he achieved Manifestation level. He has gone to earth on his master's command to become all the greater by killing any Shinigami he finds. This is where we leave off..."
Hell no he's not going to be High Level Average. You left WAAAAAAAAAAY too many questions unanswered for me to even consider High level anything.
Also killing any shinigami he finds, huh? I could plop him at Low Level weak, and he'd be as powerful as a Shinigami Academy graduate with no shikai, or bankai. Any Shinigami I've approved wold slap him silly, and kill him for being a traitor.
Also, it's pretty insulting to your other character to lump a guy who can barely bankai, and is armed with a ton of weak ass shikai abilities in with him in terms of power. If that's the case I feel like I should demote your arrancar considering this app.
then his Kaindo's "Era" would be in serious doubt.
You are aware of the pwer tiers, right? They determine how powerful a character is regarless of a person's abilities.
Those power tiers aren't based on how tough you write up a character, or the powers you give them, they're based on the things we crave most out of applications.
Hard work, and DETAILS.
The less questions you leave for us, the stronger your app is, which leads to a higher inclination to give a better power tier in the range of the character's abilities.
You could describe a character as being able to crack earth in half with their little finger, but if they're beginner level weak, they'd be lucky to survive an encounter with your basic human.
Where exactly does this RP sample take place? I don't know of anywhere in Hueco Mundo where a person can go to strengthen their bankai coz Shinigami are turned into grease spots by the numerous hollows there. They don't cater to Shinigami there. They kill'em so they don't have to cater.
've done 2 of your apps so far, and both haven't exactly made me confident you're not going to pick on people of lower tiers just to feel powerful coz you're building your characters up to be really powerful.
Infact going by your character's desire to kill any shingami he finds, it seems you'll do exactly that. wait and find someone of a lower tier, swoop in, and try to kill them.
Guess what, if that's all you wanna do, 'm sure more than a few staff members that dislike power playing would be more than thrilled to swoop in, ans kill -your- character with someone stronger.
I haven't forgotten your Talkative Arrancar's desired ability to kill anyone below 3rd seat in one sting, more or less.
It seems like you wanna be allmighty powerful, and your last Arrancar wasn't as powerful as you'd like so now you want to gang up on people and try to take down -everyone- you find.
You also won the jackpot in catching me on a baaad night with a character you want to be god allmighty powerful yet not give a stellar application to achieve that.
Nevermind the fact you've apparently broken the rule mentioned above, and you aren't al that active with what character you -do- have!
Activity makes us happy! It makes up wanna give more slack, and leeway with apps, and offer better tiers, and promote existing characters!
But you only have -8- posts to your name!! 2 of them are apps!
That's 6 posts since you've joined!
You're not active! So there's no way in hell I'm allowing a lazy app through! Nor give a high power tier!
And it doesn't matter if you're even a veteran on your other accounts coz only -this one- matters when you app!
Speaking of, unless you have a gooooood reason forhaving -3- accounts to your IP address, 'm tempted, SORELY tempted to have you pick -2- to be deleted from the site.
If they're your siblings, I want some proof of it.
