Arrancar application Jericho(done)

[ogihci]

Name: Jericho
Age: 200
Gender: Male
Personality:

He is one who prefers fighting to talking unless necessary. he respects those who are stronger than him. he hates weakness because he once thought of himself as weak and he will go out of his way to crush it. prefers the company of other arrancar stronger than himself. loves metal music and is usually found in his room playing along on his electric guitar.

His best friend is his zanpakuto Diablo. He ignores those weaker than him unless it is necessary. His underestimating of weakness may be his down fall one day. He strives to become stronger.

Appearance:

6ft tall, with long black hair, his eye color is red while the whites of his eyes are black, he looks to be be in his early twenties, he is slim but muscular, he wears the standard outfit of a arrancar, his mask fragment covers his left eye socket aside from were his eye is, his body is fully intacted aside from the hollow hole in his chest and the scar acrossed his left eye.

Arrancar Powers:

Devil's barrage: He grabs his opponent a proceeds to beat on them first a punch to the stomach followed by a kick to the bottom of the chin causing his opponent to sky rocket then he slashes them with his zanpakuto while using reistu to light them with what looks like a black flame.

Devil's gaze: using his fire like eyes he is able to see into others Reistu in an attempt to see what they are going to do.

Natural Arrancar Powers:

Cero: a beam of charged reiatsu that leaves a path of destruction were life used to be. His is black unlike most and has a white outline.

Hierro: the skin of the arrancar that is able to stop zanpakutos attacks but is not impreginable. (His skin is able to absorb normal zanpakuto strikes but the more powerful ones are able to pierce him.
Garganta: the ability to open a portal from Hueco Mundo to the human world and back.

Zanpakuto's name:

His zanpakuto's name is Diablo.

Un-released Zanpakuto's Appearance:

It's appearance is that of a a black claymore 7ft long with the name Diablo written in red on the blade and carried on his back with a red ruby in the shape of a skull inserted into the hilt. The hilt itself is in the form of the rib cage and arms.

Resurrección Release phrase::

Slaughter, Diablo

Resurrección Appearance::

His Resurreccion appearance is that of a black Devil with wings and horns. He is about 10ft tall in this form slim but muscle built his black horns curve upward from his forhead and his wings are feathered but black. He gains what looks like vampire fangs. His outfit turns black. His ruby that was on his zanpakuto appears on his forehead. Finally his skin turns a sickly shad of white. His hollow piece grows to connect to the other eye socket and has turned black.

Resurrección Abilities::

Theses attacks are a 1-2-3 combo in which they each take 2 sec to start and after the combo he uses up so much reistu that he can't stay in his resurreccion form.

Black fire bombardment: Using his wings he unleashes his reistu from them in what looks like his feathers shooting out in bombardments of 6 black fire balls causing even the land to be lit with black flames in 6 different area around a 50 sq yard area. This attack can be used 3 times before he can move on to Black fire geysers.

Black fire geysers: After using Black fire bombardment he is able to use the black fires it causes(the fires last until he iniates black fire geyser or dies or is unfit to fight) and make them erupt into 50 ft geysers of black fire burning anything in their upward path. (The Geysers width is about 10 sq feet)

Black fire tornado: the final attack of his combination. After using Black fire geyser he is able to make the many geysers attempt to converge on his opponent wrapping them up into a tornado of Black fire that sometimes causes severe 3rd degree burns to form on there bodies.(After this attack he reverts back to his original state)

Skill Level: Kidou: Beginner
Skill Level: Swordsmanship: Advanced
Skill Level: Sonido: Intermediate
Skill Level: Hand-to-hand: Advanced
History/Background:

We see a newly formed soul standing next to its lifeless body on the edge of a cliff on a highway. By the look of it he was hit by a car. "I'm so weak I sould have survived that." the soul moans. He starts to walk a way when he slips his soul falls down the cliff his chain gets caught on a tree and is ripped from his body. The transformation occurs quickly he changes into a hollow within minutes. A voice echos in his head "I'm so weak" and he thinks "Power need more Power."

Years later he has absorbed so many souls he has become a Gillian. Still the thought echos "Power need more power." he is later found by a group of arrancar and brought before Aizen. Aizen offers him a deal more power for him to serve Aizen. The voice still echos "Power need more power." he accepts the deal and becomes the ideal soldier. Dubbed the number 66 he now works for Aizen hateing weakness and striving to be stronger. But the voice still echos "Power need more power."

RP Sample:

A room in Heuco Mundo music is playing and a lone arrancar is seen laying on his bed trying to remember the lasst time he had a good fight.

"Sigh... this sucks its been so slow lately and my last opponenet was a joke." groans Jericho.

A knock is heard and Jericho turns down his music before anwsering the door.

"Yea what do want" he growls as he realizes it is a being weaker than himself.

"Sorry to bother you" says the being. "But you are wanted by Aizen he has a job for you."

A smile appears on Jericho's face it was finally time for some action.

"Tell Aizen i'll be right there" says Jericho as he closes the door an picks up his zanpakuto. "C'mon Diablo we have work to do."

[Rebel Raven]

Hello, I'll be reviewing your app.

Firstly, I must say your app is incredibly devoid of details. You'll have to write more to describe your character more.

bleach200.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=characterapplications&action=display&thread=5392
will be most helpful in beefing up your application. I suggest you reread this.


Further, there's several problems with your powers.

"Enhanced agility: his speed and reflexes surpass that of most arrancar." How? Is he double jointed? triple Jointed?
Further depending on his power tier this may or may not be true. A stronger arrancar will likely move faster, or be more dexterous. I wouldn't know since you didn't apply any details.

"limb regeneration: able to regenerate lost limbs."
Denied. Rapid Regeneration is heavily regulated, and there's no details on this. There will be no regeneration on par with Ichigo's or Ulquiorra's.

"shadow absorbtion: able to increase his own power by absorbing the shadows around him."
This power is denied. There's lots of potential for abuse as there's no details on this power.

"speed increase: his speed is increased ten fold but only for short distances around 10ft."
Sounds like Sonido. If it's faster than Sonido, then this power is denied.

[ogihci]

Done i fixed the powers and resurrection but i didn't really get what u ment by not enough description so i attemted to fix it.

[Rebel Raven]

By details I mean you need to tell more about your character.
Personality, appearance, Zanpakuto, etc.

How long is the claymore? Does it have any designs on it? How is it carried?
What shape is the ruby?

I want a better idea of what it is a character sees when they look at your character.

How tall is his Devil Form? What does it look like?
The "Devil" takes a lot of forms, and many people thnk different things.
I see a chubby guy in a red one piece leotard with horns and a pitchfork. Not very threatening, huh?

So, you got to tell me what it is I see.

The FAQ will tell you a lot of the deatails we're looking for.

The Devils' Gaze is a bit too godmodey if he can't be tricked, and can instantly see the intended attack of a person.

"Hierro: the skin of the arrancar that is able to stop zanpakutos attacks but is not impreginable."
You give no idea as towards the limits of the Hierro

"Black fire bombardment: Using his wings he unleashes his reistu in bombard ments of black fire causing even the land to be lite with black flames around the area."
How many fireballs? How big of an area? How often can he do this before he gets tired?
We need to know that, and more.

"Black fire geysers: After using Black fire bombardment he is able to use the black fires it causes and make them erupt into a geyser of black fire burning anything in there upward path."
How high do these geysers go? How wide are they?

"Black fire tornado: the final attack of his combination. After using Black fire geyser he is able to make the many geysers converge on his opponent wrapping them up into a tornado of Black fire that sometimes causes severe 3rd degree burns to form on there bodys.(After this attack he reverts back to his original state)"
It'll be an attempt at converging on them at best. There's no guarenteed hits.
A good end to the 3 stage attack though!

[ogihci]

Done I hope this is an improvement and thank you for the complement of the final attack i thought it was a good limitor since its so strong.

[aeria]

Hi there! The name's Aeria and I'll be picking up where Raven left off.

First thing's first. Everyone who decides to make an application for our forum should do two things: 1.) READ the applications FAQ. We made it an announcement in every application thread, so it's pretty easy to find. It very directly states what we expect in an application. 2.) Go through the Accepted OC Applications and find one done by one of the staff (Preferably female staff) and aspire to an application of that level of description and detail.

After doing those two things, you can think up and write up an application, not before.

Now, I would suggest doing those two things in the future, or even start now. Aside from that, I'll give you a full review of what you have given us now, and what has come from all the edits Raven has asked for.

Personality: We really want more information about your character here. You are, after all, taking this character from your mind and, through this application, telling us EVERYTHING you know about him. We hope to god you know more about your character's personality other than that he loves to fight, hates weak people, and listens to metal. For examples of what else to write about in this section, please do the two things I suggested above.

Appearance: This is ok, but once again severely lacking. You tell us his eye color, his clothing, his height, the color of his hair, where his hollow hole is, and where his mask fragment is. Is this all there is to a person's appearance? From this description he could be morbidly obese, he could have a mouth of rotten teeth, he could be missing an arm. Again, the FAQ and a staff-application will help you here.

Arrancar Powers: This is a pretty acceptable section. Once again, it really could use more description. The shallower the description, the shallower we believe the character is.

Natural Arrancar Powers: Again, ok. You don't tell us much about how his cero is any different than others, or even how it's similar to some. The hierro description is acceptable, as is the garganta.

Name: Ok...

Un-released Appearance: Once more, it requires more detail. If you're confused, do what I suggested: FAQ and Staff Applications.

Resurreccion Appearance: So essentially he looks like Ulquiorra but a little different? Chop off the wings. We hate wings and it's just a shortcut people take to try to make their character "Cool." It doesn't work on us. Other than that...It could use a little more description. If you can't describe any more of his resurreccion appearance, then you haven't thought up your character well enough.

Now Onto the Abilities:

Black fire bombardment: Using his wings he unleashes his reistu in bombardments of 6 black fire causing even the land to be lite with black flames around a 50 sq yard area. This attack can be used 3 times before he has to move on to another attack.

First off, there are a couple spelling errors. It's always good to do some simple re-reading to check for those (Like "Lit"). Now aside from this, the whole "3 times before moving on..." Confuses me. He can do this in rapid succession three times, do something else, then do it AGAIN 3 times? If we have to ask questions, you're not describing the ability well enough. ^.^ Also, how does he use his wings to do "bombardments of 6 black fire?" First, what I quoted makes no sense grammatically, so immediately we have issues imagining the ability. Secondly, how do wings bombard?

Black fire geysers: After using Black fire bombardment he is able to use the black fires it causes and make them erupt into 50 ft geysers of black fire burning anything in there upward path. (The Geysers width is about 10 sq feet)

Ok... Well, this makes me question just how long these silly black fires last? And those are some really freaking big geysers. Also, you used the wrong "There" (it's "Their" when it's used posessively).

Black fire tornado: the final attack of his combination. After using Black fire geyser he is able to make the many geysers attempt to converge on his opponent wrapping them up into a tornado of Black fire that sometimes causes severe 3rd degree burns to form on there bodys.(After this attack he reverts back to his original state)

You need to tell us how quickly these abilities take to use and take to conclude. If these three abilities are to be used in like a 1-2-3 hit combination, then how long does it take to use each, and how much energy does each take? Also, the plural of "Body" is not "Bodys." More details. I have too many questions.

History: This is exceptionally bland, and also exceptionally generic. It makes me believe that you have no description for his pugnacious views. What made him so angry with weak people? This history makes me believe you have no passion for this character, and that YOU don't have a strong, multi-faceted image of this character. I would strongly suggest a redo. Oh, and a side note. Number 666 isn't possible. Numeros go from 11-99. Espada go 1-10 (or 0-9, whatever). Privaron Espada get a 1 in front of their old rank, so Arrancar 03 would become Privaron Espada 103. There is no way to get to 666 buddy, so you can't have the number of the beast.

RP Sample: A COMPLETE redo is in order. A.) This is a very shallow RP sample that is short and 2-dimensional. B.) He is NOT one of the "faster" arrancar. No. Sorry my friend, but it's not happening! We want an RP sample that shows his PERSONALITY! Oh wait, your character has a shallow personality... So what you need to do is add onto his personality, then give us an RP Sample that shows him doing something other than killing some nameless entity. Would it kill him to sit down, have a cup of tea, and talk to someone? I'd hope not, because if it would he would have no place in this forums. ^.^

----

I'll be frank, if it were up to me, I'd have denied this application and told you to start over, because this embodies a lot of what we tell everyone to avoid. Please go back to the beginning of my review and do the two, simple tasks I suggested. The FAQ was made for a reason, and you can be sure Kyra put a shit load more time into writing that than it would take for you to read it. Then go find the most descriptive application you can, read through it, and strive for that level of description. If you can do that, we will love you to pieces, you will enjoy your time at this forum, and you will be able to roleplay in our forums without getting warnings and bans. This is not a board based solely on fighting, dueling, killing, and raping innocent women; rather we'd like to see people create characters, then have them interact with other OCs and Canons, creating relationships and unique perspectives, as well as adding history and personality to one's character as they RP.

If you think that isn't up your alley, then I would strongly suggest finding a different Bleach RP Forum Board! ^.^

Thank you for your time, and I hope my review has opened up your eyes as to how things work here,

-Aeria

[ogihci]

I have fixed what i believe you found wrong with it and fixed the spelling errors i hope this is a improvement. Thank you for your eye opener.

[Ai]

Mid Level Average
(Get involved plots and whatnot, over time your tier may change.)