[Ready For Judging] Seimenk Ongoh (Arrancar)

[Seimenk]

Name: Seimenk Ongoh
Age: Approx. 250 (Appears 25)
Gender: Male
Personality:

When alone he spends a lot of time in thought, enraptured in philosophical musing or existentialist brooding. He feels that too many of his kind dont spend enough time reflecting on their existence or considering their place in the universe. He is not quiet, spending a considerable amount of time talking to himself, or going into long monologues during normal conversations much to the annoyance of some people who insist he's just "running off at the mouth". He is usually calm and relaxed. Although he can become quite excited during his "rants", he is never visibly angry. He has a sense of humor, albeit it is of the dry, sharp, sardonic variety.

He has taken an interest in literature, poetry, and the spoken word. He makes occasional visits to the human world, although only to read books or sample their music - usually rap, punk rock, or R & B. These genre's tend to express strong often negative emotions, the very things Hollows are made of. The residents of Hueco Mundo dont tend to write things or make music, and entering the Soul Society to access their libraries or hear their musicians is too dangerous. He has an interest in radio, and wonders if perhaps he might develop a technique to broadcast his voice across Hueco Mundo to share his thoughts and good music. He wonders how many would actually listen.

He has no problem with fighting and killing when it proves necessary, but isn't likely to start fights. Even if there’s something to be gained, he'd prefer to try to manipulate the enemy into giving it away or simply steal it than fight. When he does fight its only because he must survive. He firmly believes as long as one is fighting to survive, no party is at fault, it is simply fate that those involved became enemies.

Fighting Style:
In his human form he prefers to fight with long or mid ranged attacks, keeping his distance from the enemy and wearing them down even though he is a skilled hand to hand fighter. In this form his fighting style closely resembles
Wing Chun*. When the enemy comes close he will try to trap their hands or their weapons and attack with unnaturally swift chain punches to quickly take them down or finish them off. Though he is capable of levitation, he prefers to fight on the ground or near surfaces where he can use his Tierra Andar to hide from or reduce the damage from ranged enemy attacks. If facing a significantly stronger opponent that he cannot escape or a large number of opponents, he will set up ambushes that will allow for a decisive attack or traps that will frustrate or impede them. It should be noted that he completely refrains from using Cero in his human form, preffering the more quickly charged Bala, specifically his personal variant.

When pressed to defeat an opponent, only then will he use his Resurrección. In this state he becomes much stronger and more agile. He becomes quite good at climbing and can move very fast on all fours. He may try to overwhelm them with his Terrono Cero before coming in close and fighting hand to hand in an aggressive style that most resembles Muay Thai.

* www.youtube.com/watch?v=-K6WZhWp7pg

Add. Info:

-Has become fluent in Japanese, Chinese, Spanish, and English.
The latter most of which is spoken with a curious accent that is a mixture of British and Chinese. [Not too dissimilar from guitarist Herman Li of Dragonforce]

-He is Left Handed

Appearance:

Eye Color: Hazel (Red, with Red Sclera after transformation)
Height: 6' "3 ( 8' "7 after transformation)
Weight: 165lbs ( 247lbs after transformation)
Unique Marks: A thin gold outline around his eyes that gives the impression of a sharp, angular domino mask.

He appears as a young man of east asian descent with fuzzy black hair cropped around his head. He wears a close fitting black coat that buttons down the front with a red inner lining, and a high mandarin or nehru collar. It is highly reminiscent of a priest’s cassock. Under the coat he is bare chested, and wears black slacks with white leather shoes and black socks. His Hollow-Hole is centered where his navel should be, though it is usually covered. The remnants of his Hollow mask are in the form of a sharp, slightly curved, ridge like structure that starts from a point on the back of his neck, then widens and runs over the top of the right side his head where it narrows until it reaches a point in between his eyebrows.

Arrancar Powers:

Proxima Bala (Proximity Bullet) - This technique is like the standard Bala, but has a key difference. They detonate with a 10ft burst radius whenever they pass within 5ft of a subject emitting Reiryoku. The principle behind them is the same behind anti-aircraft gun's shells. The shells of those guns have a radar system within them, that causes them to detonate whenever they pass close to an aircraft. Before the advent of the technology, the shells would only detonate on direct impact with a target causing many of them to be wasted. They have another interesting property. If they do not pass near a target they will land wherever they may without any immediate detonation, remaining as globules of red energy that cannot be moved, sticking the ground, walls, or other surfaces. Left alone like this, they act effectively like mines and will detonate when target with spiritual pressure passes close enough. The energy will detonate automatically if they are left alone for a desired amount of time as determined by the user, up to 20 minutes.

Graves Cavar (Grave Digger)-This gives the user geokinesis, allowing them to shape or move an amount of earth soil, sand, stone, and other earth based materials (excluding metals, or wood) so long as it is never greater than the volume of their own body. The user must have both feet in contact with the ground or some surface* and the maximum range of effect is 50yds. This technique is extremely versatile in its applications. The user could for example - form tombstone like blocks from compacted earth, levitate boulders, or levitate a mass of loose stones whose total volume is within limit, all of which would make excellent projectiles. The user could also form shields or barriers whose volume is no greater than themselves. (Larger ones could be made, but it would take time to construct them in sections).

[*If the user were standing on air or held in the air by an opponent, they could not use this power.]

Natural Arrancar Powers:

Garganta (Throat)- A Space/Time technique that allows the user to pass to and from Hueco Mundo through a portal.

Hierro (Iron)- Hardens the skin against attacks, but is not invulnerable. His Hierro is not extraordinary, but it is impressive.

Pesquisa (Inquiry)- Allows the user to enter sense a targets Reiryoku. His Pesquisa is excellent. He can not only tell exactly how many meters away and in what direction his opponents are, but also sense how approximately strong they are.

Zampakuto's name:

Mono (Monkey)

Un-released Zampakuto's Appearance:

In its sealed state, Mono appears as a spiked chain made of small diamond shaped links, each about the size of, or has enough volume inside to hold a coin, like a quarter. Each link has a single spike on its 4 sides. Attatched to the tip of the last link is a kunai like blade or point. The chain's total length is very long, albeit only about 10-15ft is ever used offensively at a time. It wraps around his waist three times where it is fastened with 3 small padlocks locks, then around his left arm about a dozen times. The chain when not in use is not visible, hidden under his coat. It can be quickly unraveled with a flick his wrist. Whipping it, he can fire bala from the weapons tip insead of from his fist.

Resurrección Release phrase::

Exhume, Mono!

Resurrección Appearance::

When he undergoes Resurrección he transforms into a blue-black monkey like form with a segmented prehensile tail and long claws on his hands and shorter ones on his feet. His skin becomes tough and leather like. His forearms, pelvis, and legs and tail are armored with an obsidian, jagged rock like covering that is reminiscent in shape of tufts of fur that might appear on a monkey. The "hair" on the center and left side of his head forms in an expansion of the pattern of the remnants of his hollow mask. (Essentially he looks like the picture at the top on the right, except the jagged "hair" on the far right side of his head is bone white) He gains a thin gold line around his red eyes like a domino mask. A gold border outlines his lighter colored stomach and chest from the rest of him. When viewed, the shape makes the darker colored hide of his upperbody look like a open an open jacket. He gains a significant increase in height, becoming about 2 ft taller. His normally shimmering orange and black reisatsu becomes a pale fiery green-white like burning magnesium and bromic acid.

In this form he physically attacks with stabs from his clawed hands and feet, powerful elbow and knee thrusts, and slashing in various spinning and revolving techniques using the jagged spikes of his knees and elbows, whip like tail. Aside from the spinning techniques, his fighting style in this form most resembles Muay Thai. His prehensile tail has a length of about the same as his body (9ft), but is capable of temporarily extending up to twice that distance when whipping or grabbing. During these extensions, his tail appears to add more "links" not at the end, but in the middle of itself. These temporary links appear to be made of, or enveloped in glowing energy. Whenever his tail moves or extends it makes a metallic sound similar to a chain moving about. He fires bala from the tip of his tail, except when using Terreno Cero.

Resurrección Abilities::

Grenada Bala de Goma (Rubber Grenade Bullet)- Another variation on the standard Bala. When fired or thrown, these balls of energy will bounce off of any surface. Although they dont explode on contact, impacts can be higly damaging. Like solid objects, they might be caught or even picked up. Regardless of where they are, they explode in 10 seconds. As long as they encounter other surfaces, they never stop moving, and with each impact their speed and resulting force only increases.

--

His Bala and regular powers are not likely to cause a drain on him except in an extended encounter, in which case due to exhaustion he becomes shakey and unable to properly focus his energy. During Resurrección, the same goes for his Grenada Bala de Goma, while his regular pre-Resurrección attacks have a negligible effect on him due to his increase in energy. However, his other special techniques in Resurrección are different. The first has a severely adverse effect on him after use. For the other, he is limited in not how many times he perform it per battle, but per day because of how intensive it is. Both techniques must be used with careful forethought, proper caution, and timing. Such techniques do not belong in the hands of a novice, and indeed could not be developed by one.

Oscuro Diamante Taladro (Pitch Black Diamond Drill) The jagged ridges on his head made up of fragments of his Hollow mask and newly formed black crests are slightly swirled clockwise, and very sharp. Channeling his reiatsu, his Hierro becomes focused on his head and as a result undergoes a great increase in power, at the cost of weakening it everywhere else. Hot jets of reiatsu from his feet propel him forward while jets from the palms of his hands increase his spin. In a bounding leap, he launches a spinning headbutt that effectively turns him into a drill capable of tearing into any mundane material -even diamond. While powerful, any successful counter attack could inflict significant damage because the rest of his body no longer has coverage by his Hierro. The attack only moves in a straight line and is not capable of curving or changing direction while in flight.

This is an intensive technique, and after performing it he undergoes what he refers to in his own words as a "Hierro Attack". The technique requires him to focus his Hierro entirely in one part of his body, his head. During the technique he is vulnerable to any counterattack that comes from any direction other than head on. Furthermore, this is not natural for an Arrancar. After the technique his Hierro is out of balance and fluctuates wildly. For Hierro to be effective, it requires a constant field of energy to be emitted from all points of the body simultaneously, otherwise it is completely ineffective. As the Hierro takes damage it weakens and is refreshed by a constant pulse of energy, failing only when it takes too much damage at once or is damaged faster than it can refresh or repair itself. He compares it to a Heart Attack because during a heart attack the heart has not actually stopped, but its beat is so irregular that its pulsing is completely ineffective and useless. While the "Hierro Attack" does not cause him any pain in and of itself, he may suffer greatly at the hands of the enemy if they are not severly hurt or finished outright. He views the technique as "incomplete", because if it were ever truly be perfected, this weakness would have been overcome. It takes no less than 5 minutes for him to recover and during that period he is unable to perform the technique again because he is unable to focus his disturbed Hierro. During this period he focuses on evasion first and if forced to fight, takes the full defensive.

Terreno Cero (Ground Zero)- This technique is a variant of the standard Cero. It combines the powerful energy of the Cero with the physical impact of solid earth. Stamping a heel into the ground, the user channels energy through their foot into the earth. The energy flows in a straight line towards the target, where it builds up underneath them forming a bubble, shaking the ground filling the earth beneath with bright glowing cracks. A moment later the bubble of energy bursts, resulting in a wide (40ft diameter) column of energy and flying rock that rises up from beneath the target. The energy column damages low flying enemies in the air and enemies on the ground.

This is the end all, be all technique in his arsenal. This is it. If it doesn't put him over the top, or put him on what he believes to be the road victory, he's likely to reconsider trying to finish the fight and try to escape altogether. If he activates his Resurrección, the chances of him actually using the technique are very slim. But when he does, it will be only at the most critical moment when it can be used to its greatest effect. This Cero is as powerful as a Resurrección specific Cero is expected to be.

There are several features that make this technique highly intensive. First, the technique requires him to project a stream of reishi particles into the ground from the bottom of his foot where they gather under the earth into a sphere of energy, that if visible would appear like the charged state of a Cero that has not fired. Rather than releasing the energy as normal, the energy is protected in a tight, narrow beam where it travels underground until it reaches the enemy. Underneath the enemy, the beam's energy gathers and builds in one spot again. Only then is the energy released in full, upwards at the enemy. Because of this He classifies Terreno Cero as a "Double Action" technique, as the energy must be collected or charged twice so as to be released in a different direction. He has not yet discovered an effective way of bending or curving streams of energy, otherwise he would simply curve a stream underground and then upwards at an enemy. Refocusing the stream into a second sphere that is some distance away requires great focus and control that is draining on the mind and body. Furthermore, because the second collection of energy takes the same amount of time to gather as the first, that means it should take twice as long to fire as a Cero that gathers its energy only once and moves in a straight line. In order to increase the speed of the technique to that of the avaerage Cero of an Arrancar in Resurrección, he had to learn to make his energy move at a blistering speed, cutting the preparation time in half to about six seconds.


In summary -the amount of and potency of the energy involved, the "Double Action", and the spiritual pressure required to move the energy at high speed are what makes this technique such a strain. So much so in fact, that he can use the technique twice per day, and only with 12 hours of non combat in between. In his own words he says, "I shoot once and I feel wasted, I get dizzy and its hard to think straight. Shooting twice isn't something I want to do. Even If I feel alright beforehand, If I shoot again I'll be half dead. And shooting thrice in one night? Unthinkable. I find the destruction and power of the technique to be extremely satisfying, but I must use it sparingly and with great care. Otherwise the 'poco de la muerte' [spanish lit. 'little death'] may be for real."

For this reason he considers the technique imperfect, if it were perfect, he could curve the stream removing the need for "Double Action". Nonetheless, he considers his technique superior to other Cero because it is a surprise attack form below making it difficult to evade; albeit it is not uninterruptable. He theorizes that if something were to sever or somehow block the stream underground, it could weaken the attack or in the latter case stop it all together, provided the blockage to the stream could withstand it. (say a fully released Zanpakuto. A strong Shikai might be able to do it, but in the process it would probably be severely damaged or even broken.) The reason why he never put any time into developing normal Cero in his pre-Resurrección form is because he viewed these Cero as telegraphing too much, and taking too long to charge making them too easy evade. Instead, he focused on developing his Bala which were 20 times faster into his special Proxima Bala, which he considers more effective than normal Bala.

Skill Level: Kidou: Advanced
Skill Level: Swordsmanship: Intermediate
Skill Level: Sonido: Intermediate
Skill Level: Hand-to-hand: Advanced
History/Background:

It is hard for him to recall things before he before sometime in his late gillian-hood. He probably started as a single soul which became a hollow or was completely devoured by one. More and more souls accumulated, until so many were fighting for control the body they inhabited might as well as have been mindless. But slowly, its intelligence increased until his personality won out over all the others. Time is hard to keep aware of, and largely irrelevant to an immortal being. But Seimenk guesses it was about two and a half centuries ago, that he died in some remote, lonely place. He cannot remember exactly where, but suspects it may have been due to starvation and exposure, or whichever got him first. He believes he may have even brought it upon himself in an attempt at suicide.

Seimenk continued eating other hollows and further evolving. Not out of some ambition to become an all powerful Vasto Lorde, but because it was necessary for survival. Time and time again he found himself the target of other menos whom either underestimated him, or he was able to outsmart. If you defeat an adversary why not take everything they have? And how can one take more than by devouring them? Later, as an adjuchas he began questioning his existence, and what purpose he or his kind might serve. He was overcome by black body-breakdown, inner red–ache, and violet sorrow-squall. A violent prismatic spray of scintillating colors, all of them dark and new sensations, all of them painful. In the desire to find a real goal and still the chaos within, he tore his mask from his face through sheer force of will.

Now he wanders, still trying to find his reason for being. He briefly considered trying to join Sosuke Aizen's group, but then reconsidered. He could see reasons for overthrowing the Soul Society, but hearing of how the group preferred artificial Arrancar he decided he would stay away from the organization and to join only if they sought him out.

RP Sample:

The sun dipped beneath the horizon, the last rays of daylight peeking through the cracks and flaws in the skyline. It was not like the light of a golden dawn, but more reminiscent of the twilight of a civilization, just before the last clean soul slips into the inky black of iniquity or the last monument crumbles into dark debris. The light gives way to darkness, and with the darkness comes hideously winking stars, flickering like weak candles in the wind.

He hated that sky, with its weak lights and its heavenly wanderers, wishing dearly that the darkness of the void would snuff them all out. The earthly lights were no better, street lights, traffic lights, headlights, lights everywhere, from the windows of littlest home to the great walls of the steel and glass canyons. The only illumination he could truly tolerate was the moon over Hueco Mundo. Even then, he didn't need its light, as he was able to see in perfect darkness. "This world has a moon...but the one night I choose to visit it? Night of the new moon no less.", he remarked, stopping on a street corner, his voice falling on deaf ears. No one could see him, no one could hear him, no one could speak to him. He was an Arrancar, a foreigner to the human world. See no evil, hear no evil, speak to no evil -perhaps it was best for their sanity that they didn't know he existed.

Turning the corner, he headed into an alleyway, and watched the people there. "Am I evil?", he mused, "That’s what they say, the Soul Society. But what do the humans think, what would the humans say? Yes, it is true- we enrich ourselves with death. We are souls who in turn feed on souls until we become a gestalt, which in turn feeds on others of its kind. The humans are mortal. The pluses and soul reapers are too. They can die, they can always perish. It is inevitable that they age, albeit much slower than the humans. Me? I am immortal, I can go on forever; I have escaped the cycle of death and rebirth. And isn't that what they want, the humans? Escape? Escape from the cycle, the wheel of fate, that escape is the ultimate goal of enlightenment. Isn't it? I'm free. That’s what I am.

"The humans try to coexist among themselves, but all their cohabitation does is breed suffering. They coexist, but the barriers and divisions between them keep in conflict with one another. Hollows, as gestalt beings, remove those divisions. All of the souls consumed just keep merging together, until more and more power is gathered into one form and under one will. At the end of the world, there will only be one. That is the only conceivable way humans will ever know true peace.

"What kind of being would that be? All the worlds souls together, more powerful than any Vasto Lorde... Isn't that what the humans would call a god? And even if there is only one dominant personality, all of the souls will be there. You would call something like that, a god. Who wouldn't want to be a part of god? Would you?!", he shouted, asking a pair of vagrants sitting by a fire barrel. They turned, looking in his direction and for a moment he thought they saw him, but looking up he realized they were watching a black bird that had landed on the ground. The bird and the men stared at each other for a few awkward moments, before the bird went back to pecking and the men went back to their spoons and needles.

[Rebel Raven]

I normally don't handle Arrancar applications, but I've decided to take this one up for review.

I recognize, and commend the passion for the character that made this app large, and well written.
It's rare we see such a strong writer.

But there are several problems with this application.

Frankly his powers are too strong.
Tierra Andar (Earth Step) sounds like something that can be abused to no end to allow for a quasi-nvulnerability regardless of the limitations that are placed on him.

Terreno Cero (Ground Zero) sounds a bit too over done in terms of it's affects. Damage, & disorientation.


Lastly, the main culprit of the applications problems.
La Pandilla (The Troupe)
I see a lot of abusive potential here sadly to say.

The second pair of eyes can be used as a ready excuse to dodge a whole lot of everything, IMO, and do a lot to render the blinding weakness of earth step moot.

The Listening Monkey can easily do the same as the Looking monkey.

And "any sound" from the speaking monkey can easily be used for sonic attacks should he fight a sound based opponent.

Minions/Clones are a taboo power here as they can fight in the place of their master, and thus force one player to risk a lot more than the person with the minions.

[Seimenk]

Firstly, thank you kindly for reviewing.

Secondly I'd like to say you've brought up very good points which I did not think about.
For ease of reviewing I have copied the edited sections here and put them in quotes, and placed the originals at the very bottom and so there is no need to reread the entire thing.

Tierra Andar- I've changed how the ability works and renamed it. I see the problems with the way it worked. We've seen powers like that in fiction, other works, or games before that allow the user to travel underground. In a system like Senkai Rairin, (a large Naruto RPG) there are jutsu or techniques that allow one to do such things. But the system can support such things only because it has more rules. More rules or limitations, actually allow you to do more without being broken. In that system every combat post represents 30 seconds, and one has a limited number of actions. One can only remain submerged in earth for a limited amount of time (one must still breathe). Furthermore, surfacing at all to attack or go for air ends the spell/jutsu and requires a recast. Techniques are performed using chakra points (equivalent to mana, energy, etc.) which is a limited resource. Because this is an open system, one is more free in their combat writing, but as a result thereof any powers someone has are also more open and not locked in by long list of specifics and mechanics.

Graves Cavar (Grave Digger)- This gives the user geokinesis, allowing them to shape or move an amount of earth soil, sand, stone, and other earth based materials (excluding metals, or wood) so long as it is never greater than the volume of their own body. The user must have both feet in contact with the ground or some surface* and the maximum range of effect is 50yds. This technique is extremely versatile in its applications. The user could for example - form boulders from compacted earth, levitate boulders, or levitate a mass of loose stones whose total volume is within limit, all of which would make excellent projectiles. The user could also form shields or barriers whose volume is no greater than themselves (Larger ones could be made, but it would take time to construct them in sections) or create a "shallow grave" which one might dive into like a kind of foxhole.

[*If the user were standing on air or held in the air by an opponent, they could not use this power.

Terreno Cero - I simply shortened it, cutting the last few lines.

Terreno Cero (Ground Zero)- This technique is a variant of the standard Cero. It combines the powerful energy of the Cero with the physical impact of solid earth. Stamping a heel into the ground, the user channels energy through their foot into the earth. The energy flows in a straight line towards the target, where it builds up underneath them forming a bubble, shaking the ground filling the earth beneath with bright glowing cracks. A moment later the bubble of energy bursts, resulting in a wide (40ft diameter) column of energy and flying rock that rises up from beneath the target. The energy column damages low flying enemies in the air and enemies on the ground.

La Pandilla - I have removed it from the app, and replaced it an entirely different technique. I simply took an
originally non "special" move mentioned in my Resurrección section and made it a special technique by changing it from a simple hand to hand move (plain spinning headbutt), to being "charged."

Oscuro Diamante Taladro (Pitch Black Diamond Drill) The jagged ridges on his head made up of fragments of his Hollow mask and newly formed black crests are swirled clockwise, and very sharp. Channeling his reiatsu, his Hierro becomes focused on his head and as a result undergoes a great increase in power, at the cost of weakening it everywhere else. Hot jets of reiatsu from his feet provide forward thrust while jets from the palms of his hands maintain his spin. Launching a spinning headbutt, he effectively becomes a drill capable of tearing into any mundane material, even diamond- albeit, its depth of penetration is only about a foot, so any sufficently thick barrier would be an impedence. While powerful, any successful counter attack would inflict significant or severe damage because the rest of his body no longer has coverage by his Hierro. The attack only moves in a straight line and is not capable of curving or changing direction while in flight.

Also -One Question- In character, could I ever keep completely mundane monkey's as pets, seeing as there animals in Soul Society/The Spirit World?
=================================================================================
OBSELETE:

Tierra Andar (Earth Step)- This gives the user some limited geokinesis, allowing them to shape or move an amount of earth no greater than the volume of their own body. This technique allows the user to move through soil, sand, stone, and other earth based materials (excluding metals, or wood) as if they were ethereal. While under its effect the user can run but cannot use sonido, though they may levitate themselves just as if they were in the air. Attacking from underground or from inside a surface is possible, but doing so with energy techniques is equivalent to firing them at a surface at point blank range, and may result in injury of the user. To use energy techniques safely, the user must expose some part of themselves which makes them vulnerable to attack, as opposed to say using a weapon. Underground the user is effectively blinded, deafened, and incapable of vocal communication. Pesquisa is necessary to effectively use this technique for more than simply hiding from opponents.



Terreno Cero (Ground Zero)- This technique is a variant of the standard Cero. It combines the powerful energy of the Cero with the physical impact of solid earth. Stamping a heel into the ground, the user channels energy through their foot into the earth. The energy flows in a straight line towards the target, where it builds up underneath them forming a bubble, shaking the ground filling the earth beneath with bright glowing cracks. A moment later the bubble of energy bursts, resulting in a wide (40ft diameter) column of energy and flying rock that rises up from beneath the target. The energy column damages low flying enemies in the air and enemies on the ground. Charged with residual energy, falling boulders that hit the ground explode, release geokinetic waves that result in violent tremors that disorient and disable enemies still on the ground or fallen from the sky.

--

La Pandilla (The Troupe) Spitting a glowing green substance onto the ground, he is able to spawn 3 minions from the soil or rock. Emering from the ground these creatures take the form of monkeys with exceptionally long tails, about three times the length of their own bodies. They are each about two feet tall and wear shiny black bodysuits of what appears to be leather or latex. They have eeire pitch black eyes. There are three types and he may only create one of each, and only create three in total per battle, as creating them is costly in terms of energy. They are not exceptionally durable, and are as easily destroyed as normal animals. When destroyed they return to dust. While they are not tough, they are unnaturally fast and agile when compared to normal moneys of this size, and they are capable of using a sonido equivalent to that of a beginner. They cannot "stand on air" using resatsu, and rely on being carried or riding on him when he must fly. Each has a form of bondage that corresponds with a special power it can use when it literally undergoes physical "release". They have some limited artificial intelligence of their own, and can be told to search a particular structure or specific zone as well as to follow their master or a specific target. On their own they stray a distance of no further than 1 mile. If they are taken beyond this distance they turn to dust.

*Mirar (Look)- This monkey wears a hood over his head with a visor that covers his eyes attatched by brass studs. When its master removes its mask, its master gains the ability to see everything it does by look into it or wearing it themselves. This enables its master to send it anywhere within a mile radius and spy or perform reconaissance. When viewing its master fighting, it allows its master a 3rd person view, making it easier for its master to see surprise attacks he might not otherwise.

**Esuchar (Listen) -This monkey wears what looks like a pair of headphones strapped to its head. it is unique in that it also wears a little red cap and has markings around its eyes that look like glasses. When its master removes the covering over its ears and dons it themselves or puts an earto one of the headphones, they gain access to the animal's extraordinarally enhanced sense of hearing. This monkey is capable of picking up sounds normally inaudible to its master, such as a beings heartbeat. This ability is useful when an enemy is surpressing or masking its energy too well for its master to track. It is often paired with the first, but also sometimes the second.

***Gritar (Shout)- This monkey has a metal muzzle over its mouth. This monkey's face has an odd resemblence to its masters humanoid form. When its master removes its muzzle its master is able to speak into it, and it is able to produce its masters voice or anyones voice its masters has heard using the monkey as a speaker and the muzzle as a microphone. It is also capable of reproducing any sound its master has heard, perfectly. Its master need only whisper the name or a description of the sound into the muzzle. The latter method is useful for confusing the enemy, as is the former which can also be used as a method of communication.

[Rebel Raven]

There's not a lot of weaknesses, or limitations to the abilities your character has.

It's basically that he does them, the affects happen, but there's no real drain in his energy, and no drawbacks to using them as much as he wants.

[Seimenk]

Aug 13, 2009 4:45:20 GMT -5 Rebel Raven said:

There's not a lot of weaknesses, or limitations to the abilities your character has.

It's basically that he does them, the affects happen, but there's no real drain in his energy, and no drawbacks to using them as much as he wants.

Slight confusion -is this a response to my general commentary on the nature of the system?

Or is this specifically about a flaw in my characters abilities?

If its the latter, how could I amend this?

If its the former, how does my profile look now?

[Ai]

Here's the deal, the character is well-writen, but in the abilities you describe how he does and produces these techniques. However, how does producing them effect him personally. An example:

Terreno Cero (Ground Zero)- This technique is a variant of the standard Cero. It combines the powerful energy of the Cero with the physical impact of solid earth. Stamping a heel into the ground, the user channels energy through their foot into the earth. The energy flows in a straight line towards the target, where it builds up underneath them forming a bubble, shaking the ground filling the earth beneath with bright glowing cracks. A moment later the bubble of energy bursts, resulting in a wide (40ft diameter) column of energy and flying rock that rises up from beneath the target. The energy column damages low flying enemies in the air and enemies on the ground.

That's one hell of a Cero, not saying he can't do it, hell, it's his Resurreccion form's specific Cero, but you speak of how he channels his reiatsu (energy), but how does that effect him as in - is he left drained, tired, how long does it take him to do it? Is it interruptable? Checks and balances is what Raven was getting at, one thing we really look for is weaknesses, people often write about the strengths of their character or describe often in great detail what their character can do, but not how it effects them.

It's like describing how incredibly fast an Olympic sprinter can run within a certain distance. Yeah, he can run hella' fast, but what goes unmentioned a lot of times is how spent he is after running that certain distance. A short distance won't bother him, but a long distance he'll be spent - tired - wore out. Just like your character when using a little bit of reiatsu for an ability it can go unmentioned, because your character likely won't even notice the depletion. However, for producing a huge ability, it takes a great amount of reiatsu/energy, so just like that sprinter running a long distance, it's gonna effect him - he's gonna be drained in some way - how? So, when you're character is channeling this great amount of reiatsu/energy for some of these attacks - what's the effect on him? What's his condition afterward? So far, there's no sense of that, he just does it and it happens.

You see, this is a free-form RP board, so it's up to the player to a lot of the time create their own limiters on themselves and their abilities despite the power tier system.

[Seimenk]

Thank you for eleborating, I really didn't understand what she (RR) meant by that.
I've revised the section, not by removing or changing anything, but by adding to it.

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His Bala and regular powers are not likely to cause a drain on him except in an extended encounter, in which case due to exhaustion he becomes shakey and unable to properly focus his energy. During Resurrección, the same goes for his Grenada Bala de Goma, while his regular pre-Resurrección attacks have a negligible effect on him due to his increase in energy. However, the latter two of his specials in Resurrección are different. The first has a severely adverse effect on him after use. For the other, he is limited in not how many times he perform it per battle, but per day because of how intensive it is. Both techniques must be used with careful forethought, proper caution, and timing. Such techniques do not belong in the hands of a novice, and indeed could not be developed by one.

Oscuro Diamante Taladro (Pitch Black Diamond Drill) The jagged ridges on his head made up of fragments of his Hollow mask and newly formed black crests are slightly swirled clockwise, and very sharp. Channeling his reiatsu, his Hierro becomes focused on his head and as a result undergoes a great increase in power, at the cost of weakening it everywhere else. Hot jets of reiatsu from his feet propel him forward while jets from the palms of his hands increase his spin. In a bounding leap, he launches a spinning headbutt that effectively turns him into a drill capable of tearing into any mundane material -even diamond. While powerful, any successful counter attack could inflict significant damage because the rest of his body no longer has coverage by his Hierro. The attack only moves in a straight line and is not capable of curving or changing direction while in flight.

This is an intensive technique, and after performing it he undergoes what he refers to in his own words as a "Hierro Attack". The technique requires him to focus his Hierro entirely in one part of his body, his head. During the technique he is vulnerable to any counterattack that comes from any direction other than head on. Furthermore, this is not natural for an Arrancar. After the technique his Hierro is out of balance and fluctuates wildly. For Hierro to be effective, it requires a constant field of energy to be emitted from all points of the body simultaneously, otherwise it is completely ineffective. As the Hierro takes damage it weakens and is refreshed by a constant pulse of energy, failing only when it takes too much damage at once or is damaged faster than it can refresh or repair itself. He compares it to a Heart Attack because during a heart attack the heart has not actually stopped, but its beat is so irregular that its pulsing is completely ineffective and useless. While the "Hierro Attack" does not cause him any pain in and of itself, he may suffer greatly at the hands of the enemy if they are not severly hurt or finished outright. He views the technique as "incomplete", because if it were ever truly be perfected, this weakness would have been overcome. It takes no less than 5 minutes for him to recover and during that period he is unable to perform the technique again because he is unable to focus his disturbed Hierro. During this period he focuses on evasion first and if forced to fight, takes the full defensive.

Terreno Cero (Ground Zero)- This technique is a variant of the standard Cero. It combines the powerful energy of the Cero with the physical impact of solid earth. Stamping a heel into the ground, the user channels energy through their foot into the earth. The energy flows in a straight line towards the target, where it builds up underneath them forming a bubble, shaking the ground filling the earth beneath with bright glowing cracks. A moment later the bubble of energy bursts, resulting in a wide (40ft diameter) column of energy and flying rock that rises up from beneath the target. The energy column damages low flying enemies in the air and enemies on the ground.

This is the end all, be all technique in his arsenal. This is it. If it doesn't put him over the top, or put him on what he believes to be the road victory, he's likely to reconsider trying to finish the fight and try to escape altogether. If he activates his Resurrección, the chances of him actually using the technique are very slim. But when he does, it will be only at the most critical moment when it can be used to its greatest effect. This Cero is as powerful as a Resurrección specific Cero is expected to be.

There are several features that make this technique highly intensive. First, the technique requires him to project a stream of reishi particles into the ground from the bottom of his foot where they gather under the earth into a sphere of energy, that if visible would appear like the charged state of a Cero that has not fired. Rather than releasing the energy as normal, the energy is protected in a tight, narrow beam where it travels underground until it reaches the enemy. Underneath the enemy, the beam's energy gathers and builds in one spot again. Only then is the energy released in full, upwards at the enemy. Because of this He classifies Terreno Cero as a "Double Action" technique, as the energy must be collected or charged twice so as to be released in a different direction. He has not yet discovered an effective way of bending or curving streams of energy, otherwise he would simply curve a stream underground and then upwards at an enemy. Refocusing the stream into a second sphere that is some distance away requires great focus and control that is draining on the mind and body. Furthermore, because the second collection of energy takes the same amount of time to gather as the first, that means it should take twice as long to fire as a Cero that gathers its energy only once and moves in a straight line. In order to increase the speed of the technique to that of the avaerage Cero of an Arrancar in Resurrección, he had to learn to make his energy move at a blistering speed, cutting the preparation time in half to about six seconds.


In summary -the amount of and potency of the energy involved, the "Double Action", and the spiritual pressure required to move the energy at high speed are what makes this technique such a strain. So much so in fact, that he can use the technique twice per day, and only with 12 hours of non combat in between. In his own words he says, "I shoot once and I feel wasted, I get dizzy and its hard to think straight. Shooting twice isn't something I want to do. Even If I feel alright beforehand, If I shoot again I'll be half dead. And shooting thrice in one night? Unthinkable. I find the destruction and power of the technique to be extremely satisfying, but I must use it sparingly and with great care. Otherwise the 'poco de la muerte' [spanish lit. 'little death'] may be for real."

For this reason he considers the technique imperfect, if it were perfect, he could curve the stream removing the need for "Double Action". Nonetheless, he considers his technique superior to other Cero because it is a surprise attack form below making it difficult to evade; albeit it is not uninterruptable. He theorizes that if something were to sever or somehow block the stream underground, it could weaken the attack or in the latter case stop it all together, provided the blockage to the stream could withstand it. (say a fully released Zanpakuto. A strong Shikai might be able to do it, but in the process it would probably be severely damaged or even broken.) The reason why he never put any time into developing normal Cero in his pre-Resurrección form is because he viewed these Cero as telegraphing too much, and taking too long to charge making them too easy evade. Instead, he focused on developing his Bala which were 20 times faster into his special Proxima Bala, which he considers more effective than normal Bala.

[Ai]

Nicely written.



High Level Average