Atonement for Lost Honor (Raven, Ask)

[Ai]

She did not know how many hours she stood outside of the Squad 2 barracks. All she knew it was for hours, just staring up at the main enterances over-arching sign with Squad 2's label. The petite Shinigami kunoichi simply stood there in contemplation. For a long time she worked hard to get near her idol. Irony in that in the process of attempting to emulate the one she idolizes that she word by proxy uplift the Sasaki family name beyond what was cemented for being known for. And yet, once she finally reached a point to achieve just that... she wound up failing miserably.

While it could be argued she impetuously acted, and was even granted the opportunity to achieve all that she dreamed. Once she had it--she wavered, and fell off the tracks she set herself on. Perhaps it all became too overwhelming for her? Maybe. It was not the work or duty, she being a workaholic she thrives in such conditions--she lives to do her duty. Mental break down? Maybe. Her mentor successfully broke her of that for a time. But Sayuri's hubris lead her into falling victim to overtaxing herself once again.

In the end, one could suppose she went too far and realized it herself, and it shell-shocked her. It was not wrong for her to try to distance herself from everything, and do a bit of soul searching. Albeit, how she did it was misguided and a bit thoughtless as her leaving was abrupt--there was no forewarning, she just left Seireitei one night.

Sayuri's acts since in striking out on her own has been met with brief great success and an equal measure of failure. Largely because she still found herself needing to distance herself from everything for a bit more time, and yet again--she misguidedly left without a word.

She had been gone longer this time than she ever had in the past, why she distances herself from all that she knew, she was repeatedly questioned of herself. Every time all the kunoichi realized she had was no answers, and she did not know why. She was doing so well, why did she faulter so terribly?

But the memories of when she was at most ease and more importantly at her happiest begun to flood her memories during those solitary moments. The days she spent the one she looked up to as a mentor. Maybe she was wrong, it was not about stepping out the shadow of an idol, but rather, simply finding a groove where one is at their most comfortable and happy.

All she could think to do by the end of her solitude was return where she was most successful. Not for the success she had in of itself, but what made her successful. The comfort and ease, finding place within herself where she felt happiest. Simply in the service of the one she looked up to as her mentor. In one way it was realizing that it would be best if she allowed everything to come full circle return to a starting point.

And there Sayuri stood before the entrance to the Squad 2 barracks, staring up its over-arching sign... while having lost complete track of how much time she had spent standing there. Gently she closed her eyes as she took in a long inhale and exhale to calm herself and regain her moxie. Then pushed herself forward, forcing herself to take one step after the other into the barracks heading straight to Soifon's office. Eventually pushing herself to keep walking to the point she gained her own unconscious rhythm without having to mentally tell herself to keep walking.

Yet, reaching that office door--one she had become so familiar with in the past. It choked her up a bit, for those times meant so much to her; and she cutsed herself for having let slip out of her hands through own foolish hubris. A determination then came dark eyes--not again--she will allow herself to lose what meant so much to her again.

Once again pushing herself forward, though with an anxious, trembling hand she slide open the door to the Squad 2 captain's office. Her eyes were downcast, and the expression on her face perfectly reflected her apologetic disposition and feeling ashamed for what she saw as a past grievance. It is strange ordinarily to see Sayuri so expressive when normally she is often marked for being so wooden and stern. But around Squad 2's captain, Sayuri's pretenses and guard always wind up negated.

The kunoichi sat on her knees in the traditional manner before Soifon's desk, and then laid out perfectly and neatly laid out request form to rejoin Squad 2. Sayuri dared not look up, she was too apprehensive to look Soifon in the eyes, she felt too ashamed for having left the captain's service in such an incosiderate manner.

The petite Shinigami kunoichi barely managed to utter quietly, "Sayuri Sasaki... requesting to rejoin Squad 2, Soi-s--", she nearly called her by the nickname she had for her during a time she was more familiar with the captain and the captain allowed her that bit of familiarity. But such familiarity after her leave she felt to be vastly inappropriate after her disappearance, so she corrected herself with hanging her head a little lower, "....Captain Soifon."

[Rebel Raven]

Today was just full of surprises, wasn't it? Sayuri's return wasn't at all stealthy for one. For two, Sayuri actually came back. It was unusual for the cursed seat of Squad 2. She's lost more Vice Captains than anyone it seemed, and went as far as to work out something similar to Ukitake's old squad layout so she wouldn't lose any more members to the curse.

She really didn't believe in curses, frankly. It'd be too easy of an assassination weapon if they existed as she could just curse people, and let them die... Still, the rumors were true. People that take the VC seat tend to vanish, and she couldn't hide it. People talked. People called it a curse.

She let Sayuri come into the barracks quietly, and not harassed by other squad 2 members. It wasn't that she expected them to be that undisciplined as to mock her, it was the opposite. That they'd be too high strung, and arrest her, or something. She earned that mush respect in her time here, and the fact she returned spoke volumes.

There wasn't a problem with her coming back. She'd not be saddled with problems, per say. The real problem was her captain's. What to do with a returning Vice Captain? She already placed people in positions that would handle the VC duties.

She looked at Sayuri as she entered the office, then sat down. She stared at her a moment with an intense poker-face, and crossed arms from behind her desk. It felt like an eternity as she regarded Sayuri, and offered no indication of emotion.

After a moment, she stood, silently, then walked to a cabinet near her desk, opened it, then pulled out a scroll. She then calmly walked back to her desk, pulled out a calligraphy brush, opened it, then wrote something into it. She pulled out a soapstone stamp, and pressed it to the paper, then rolled it back up. It happened at a brisk pace, and she kept the scroll contents mysterious.

“You're assigned to 5th seat,” she spoke calmly then stood to put the scroll back before she returned to her desk with purposeful movements. It was the most expedient thing to do at the moment. If problems arose, she'd sort them out later.

She sat back down, then regarded Sayuri once more, “Any questions?” she asked bluntly, and offered more respect to her than she would most others coming back under these circumstances. She served well for her time here, and came back.

[Ai]

The severe gaze of Soifon, while Sayuri held her head low and gaze turned away too fearful and ashamed to look the captain in the eyes--still she could feel Soifon's piercing gaze on her. The captain's silence was torturous and the seconds felt like minutes, and those minutes felt like hours, and those days, months, and those months, years, and so on. It felt like time decided to delay itself to imprint the gravitas of Soifon's gaze upon her. It would be a tremendous lie to say that it did not up the tempo of Sayuri's anxiety in that moment.

The second Soifon rose to her feet, and walked over to the nearby cabinet. The kunoichi could see it from the corner of her peripheral, her eyes started to widen, for she knew that cabinet. She knew what documents went in there, as Vice-Captain she had on several occasions organized as part of her duties to help keep the daily motions running smoothly for her captain. She still did not directly look upon Soifon, even as the Squad 2 captain returned back to the desk with a scroll in hand. The petite Shinigami kunoichi only followed the captain from her peripheral. She knew what it was, but it confused her--perhaps because despite wanting to return to Squad 2, she was not entirely convinced within herself that Soifon would accept her back.

After all, aside from having essentially abandoned her duties, she was a contibuting factor to an ongoing rumor within Seireitei. It was never her intention to be one of those contributing factors of the 'curse' upon Squad 2's captain. Sayuri is a kunoichi and such rumors are never beyond her notice, she would be a pretty poor excuse for one if such childish rumor-mongering escaped her notice. Though, the fact they were waylayed against Soifon, and Sayuri's own disappearance contributes to them was a source of distress for the kunoichi. For the last thing Sayuri ever wanted to do was hamper Soifon's reputation, and yet--in an act of abrupt thoughtlessness did exactly that. The guilt and shame Sayuri felt in that was immense to say the least.

Yet... the sound of writing upon the scroll and Soifon informing of her Seated position within Squad 2... Sayuri's could not grow any wider in her shock. The girl did not even realize she had at last lifted up her head to gaze upon Soifon for the first time since her return. The petite kunoichi bit her lower lip stopping herself from crying--it meant that much to her. Did Soifon forgive her? Was it really that easy? No. It could not be--this had to be just a bit of leniency to give her a chance. Sayuri really was not sure, and could really only assume.

What she felt in that moment was immense confusion, and overwhelming joy to the point it was becoming harder and harder for to fight back her tears being granted this opportunity meant so much to her. When her captain asked her if she had any questions the only one that came to Sayuri's mind, she was barely able to utter in her emotional state finding she could only whisper it, "Why?"

She swallowed a bit of air trying to choke down her emotions to give herself a second breath in a way to further articulate her question, "I did you--... Squad 2... a disservice... I did you a wrong... You were always so kind to me--helped me... and then I did you a wrong... And now... Why? You had always been kind to me, but why are you giving me this mercy now after abandoning my post so foolishly?"

[Rebel Raven]

Soifon's gaze went around the room slowly after the question was asked, then she looked at Sayuri calmly, “You did well as my Vice Captain up until you disappeared,” she said frankly, as she recalled the whole incident with a disobedient, crazed squad 2 member, a rogue gang helping that crazed squad 2 member, executions, and more, “Furthermore, you returned with no apparent conditions. Despite contributing to the rumors of the cursed seat, you also hampered the rumors as no one else had returned,” she said bluntly, with honesty. She had to fight a little smile, honestly. It was good news, honestly. Still, she kept the poker-face despite the emotions of this reunion.

If it were someone else, she'd have to call the cleaning crew to deal with a conical blood splatter and bits of gore widening towards the door, frankly. So much saved this woman from her demise, and anyone else would be hard pressed to have such luck.

“However,” she continued, “I already have the Vice Captain roles being filled,” and there was more than one since each seat controlled a corps, ”and will not displace my ranks over you,” she said as if it were some sort of punishment. It was, frankly, though not a huge punishment considering the magnitude of going AWOL. She was still seated, and had the important mystery role of 5th seat. So, on one hand she was demoted heavily, on the other, she was still seated and had a command of the most mysterious of corps.

She remained calm, and stoic in the face of all this. A crying woman just didn't phase her in her office, it seemed. Odds are she needed to keep up appearances if someone barged in, or something at the least.

She watched Sayuri being emotional, and wondered how to say it … the woman obviously needed to vent. She wasn't used to … talking to people like this … “At ease,” she finally managed to say. Soifon was all business now, but Sayuri seemed like she needed to get her emotions out more, and it suited the situation. If this hampered her work, it'd adversely affect her command. Can't have that.

[Ai]

Sayuri was incredibly grateful for being given another opportunity with Squad 2, but she far more grateful Soifon's mercy and kindness. Everything could have gone much differently, she knew it--of course Soifon knew it--hell, Squad 2 as whole probably knows it. Yet, mercy was given, and Sayuri has no intention of squandering it.

She did not question in the least Soifon's decision to not grant her, her former position. The tone in Soifon's voice conveying that her denying Sayuri her old rank was a form of reprimand, the little kunoichi understood. In truth she was grateful for that benevolence, and while she maybe being punished, nevertheless she was also receiving Soifon's clemency for Sayuri's past service with he, and that touched Sayuri a great deal. It was no secret that Sayuri possessed an adoration and admiration for Soifon, which earned her a bit of teasing behind her back by her peers; but with that adoration was a feeling of being indebted to Soifon for being generous.

With Soifon's telling her to calm herself, Sayuri took several deep breaths as she dried her eyes attempting to settle down. Whether the feeling was misplaced or not, she felt cared for, and it only helped to re-enforce Sayuri's loyalty to Soifon. It was strange but in this moment she begun to question why she ever felt the need to leave in the first place. It all just seemed so silly now, and in a way... it was.

"Thank you, Captain...", she said quietly with a humble bow of her head. Really Soifon's words were just what she needed to hear. The measured and guided hand of a mentor-figure as Soifon was viewed as in Sayuri's eyes, can go a long way. It certainly did in this case.

Perhaps as the first step of re-familiarizing herself with her captain out of a desire to have the--at least--informality she had with her captain before her leaving, Sayuri off-handedly mentioned a little nervously, "I... still think of the time we spent in Karakura... it... was a lot of fun.", she did not say or ask if she would like to do it again, for she felt maybe that would be too expecting and familiar, especially after having left.

She was not exactly certain where she was going with that, so she tried to clarify with saying, "I... just...", but she stumbled to say what she wanted to losing track of her thoughts, and then took a trice to organize her thoughts and continued, "Thank you... not just for this chance you've given me... but... everything. It... It-It always meant a lot to me.", her eyes turned downcast for a second before looking back at Soifon, "I just... don't want my having left your service to think that... what you had done for me didn't mean anything... when it did... It meant everything."

[Mikhail Rost]

Someone had noticed Sayuri's return in the hours that she stood outside the barracks of second division. In that time the news had spread like wildfire within the patrol corp. Kimiko was discussing some new deployments with two other members, when an excited corp member burst through the door. It was an error in judgement but the news was just too important. He excused himself and Kimiko crossed her arms arching an eyebrow curiously.

"What's so important that it can't wait?"

He scratched his head slightly because, well, it was a little awkward saying that the former leader of the patrol corp had returned, in front of the newer leader. Under her crimson gaze, however, he finally managed to spit it out.

"The former Vice-Captain, Sasaki, was seen outside the barracks."

Kimiko's eyes widened slightly with a thoughtful surprise, seeing as how the rumors of the curse still lingered. The two men she was speaking with also looked surprised and glanced back and forth at each other then to Kimiko. They looked anxious, and why not, someone they had looked up to in the past had returned and they probably wanted to see for themselves.

"I suppose the rest of our meeting can wait."

With hurried thanks they left the room and Kimiko rolled her eyes before gathering the reports laid out on the table. Obviously whoever this Sasaki was, Captain Soifon had once thought her worthy of being Lieutenant. Because of that 'curse' the captain had Kimiko sharing third seat with the strangely absent Azusa. Guess you became a recluse after dealing with those in the Maggots Nest for too long. It was hard not to admit she was a tad jealous of the loyalty, or just plain curiousity, the older patrol members had for the absent lieutenant. She started wondering what Captain Soifon was going to do as she put the reports away, fingertips drumming on a shelf top. Another sigh as she wondered if she would be replaced. Well, if nothing else she could at least meet this person and see what all the fuss was about.

Kimiko smoothed out her red and black designed kimono and headed out to see what was going on. She passed a few more members of the patrol corp, kinda waiting outside to see Sayuri when she came out. They were unsure of what to expect, seeing as how she had gone in to speak with the captain after being gone for so long. Kimiko looked up towards the door and considered going in but she didn't really have anything to worry about, did she? After another moment of consideration she crossed her arms again and leaned against a beam outside. It was foolish to seem worried and Sayuri would have to come out sometime...

[Rebel Raven]

She nodded lightly at her joy, and remained stoic in return, and was silent. She remembered the quality time they shared, but she had fallen into that mentality of not getting close to subordinates. After all, Sayuri did bug out for... how long was it? At least she wasn't outright angry at Sayuri like she was at Yoruichi upon reunion. Still, she couldn't just go back to what they had.

As she thought about not being stoic about Sayuri's feelings, she realized … she didn't know what the fuck to say in return. Guess there was a reason she's unsocial. She's socially awkward to begin with.

“Make the most of it,” she said calmly. Yes! VICTORY! Something said! BOOYAH... okay, maybe no booyah. None the less, she was glad she said something. She's not Unohana! She's not warm, and cuddly! It wasn't easy!

She cursed her luck a moment, internally, and looked at the door, “Enter,” she spoke with a projected voice, easily heard outside her door, and not much farther. Measured force.

Why was it she was cursing her luck? Coz her current co-3rd seat didn't arrive a moment earlier, and didn't seek to enter. Then again if it happened earlier the secret of her actually being close to a subordinate might have leaked … -then- she'd need that cleaning crew to deal with the conical mark of blood, and gore in her office. Well, she supposed it worked out for the best, then. She didn't want to have to trade the return of one skilled subordinate with the sudden … making of another skilled subordinate chunky soup, she supposed was a good mental picture.

There was no point in making a seated member of her squad wait. There had to be a good reason to be here, right? It might be a good distraction, and it might be important.

Not much was secret in her barracks, never mind when someone could be outside her office potentially eavesdropping. She definitely didn't want that potential eavesdropper overhearing their past relationships.

[Ai]

The little kunoichi knew her captain well enough to not expect blatant sentimentality from her. But rather in small measured doses of niceties here and there. A quality that she personally found endearing in her captain, and also recognized it did make her an effective leader when also by contrast holding a reputation for having a heavy hand. So when Soifon simply told her to make the most of what she has been given, Sayuri took it to heart, "I will, Captain... Again... thank you."

Sayuri's larger hope was simply was to with time be able to have the relationship she did with her captain. All things worth having comes with time, Sayuri was not so ignorant of that fact.

When Soifon suddenly told whomever was at the door to enter, Sayuri felt like she was suddenly being snapped back into reality. She had been so flustered and overwhelmed with emotion meeting with Soifon after a far deal of time had past, letting her feeling get the better of her dulled her perceptions. The little kunoichi had no clue someone was at the door, she used to be able to precieve such a thing--she let herself drop her guard far too much. Though, keeping her guard up around Soifon had always been a bit of a difficulty for her.

Quickly she took a deep breath and exhaled hit as she hurriedly tried to center herself, and maintain her composure behind a humorless, expressionless visage that she is known for. After all, she understood the importance of appearances like Soifon, but also having served as Vice-Captain, she further understood Soifon wished to maintain appearances of not having relationships with her subordinates. Sayuri recognized that Soifon wished to keep her own matters guarded and private, which is how things should be anyway Sayuri believed for any woman.

Quickly pulling and holding herself together, for at least appearances sake, Sayuri sat quietly awaiting for whomever it was outside the door to enter.

[Mikhail Rost]

Kimiko was briefly surprised again at Captain Soifon's command she'd thought she'd been a little quieter then that, but it was the captain after all. She entered on barefeet and bowed her head respectfully, her red eyes briefly glancing over at the other woman in the room. So this was the former vice captain? In appearance anyway just as stoic as the captain, it was kinda amusing and Kimiko inwardly smirked. Obviously, she would have to come up with a good reason to be there and fast. She looked back toward the captain and spoke.

"Apologies for the interruption, Captain Soifon, I thought I should speak to you of the recent Arrancar attack on Karakura town. From what we can tell they seemed to be fighting among themselves, but there were some human casualties in the process. There's worry that they've found a way to hide their presence in the world of the living. Research and Development is studying some strange material found in key guarded locations around the city, some kind of stone."

Her appearance was of a slightly older woman then Sayuri, and her dark hair was tied back with a beige feathered ornament. Even though her expression was all business her red eyes had a kind of mischievious gleam. She wore unusual attire for the second divisions special forces, a particularly nice looking, designed, red and black kimono with a gold obi tied around her. Tiny onyx beaded earrings with little red tassles dangled from her ears. Her Zanpakuto wasn't immediately visible on her person.

"I've been working out details for some new deployments in order to keep ahead of things should this happen again. With luck R&D might be able to come up with something to counter whatever the Arrancar were using."

Kimiko glanced toward Sayuri again with a small smile.

"On a side note, there seems to be some excitement about your guest..."

She let it trail off and nodded her head towards the courtyard outside.

[Rebel Raven]

“Mmnn,” she gave a shirt affirmative tone to her co-3rd seat, “Work with squad 12 if you must,” she said, since they both worked with intelligence, though differently. It'd be important to know how to deal with arrancar pulling stealth ops of their own.

She didn't have anything to say on the excitement caused by Sayuri's return. It prolly wouldn't be a surprise what with Soifon's detachment from her unit's personal lives. Still, people were talking, and she heard much of it. Little went down without her knowing as far as her barracks went. What she didn't know about irritated her, though.

“An ex-Vice captain has returned, yes, and she has been appointed to 5th seat,” she said simply as far as Sayuri went. Her co-3rd seat deserved to know what was up. Her squad needed to work together to some degree, and knowing who did what, and was what seat helped.

She glanced at Sayuri incase she wanted to say anything on the subject. She had no need in Sayuri feeling as if she had to stay silent.