With the Captains suffering casualties and heavy injuries on their side, all hope seemed to be lost... until Shinji Hirako appeared, along with the rest of the former Shinigami. Though the aid of the Vizards certainly helped to draw the battle in their favor, it seemed Aizen's power alone proved too much for them.
A week. He had laid in that hospital bed A WEEK without anyone around. He had gotten lonely, extremely lonely. The medics had found something wrong with his legs too. So, that had to be healed as well. Luckily, they didn't bother on his ribs so they didn't find his messed up reiastu. The medic had told him to take it easy earlier today. The ribs would still hurt and he shouldn't move around too much. Unfortunately, Izaya had a bridge to mend.
He was currently wearing his ragged jacket. It was in shreds but it was better than nothing. His pants weren't in that bad of a shape so he wore those too. On his midsection he wore bandages that alleviated the pain of his broken ribs and restricted his movement a little. Under his arm he carried Kin's sketchpad. He would have carried it in his hand but he currently carried a small bag in that.
Finally, he was right outside what he remembered was her room. She wasn't on duty so all facts pointed to her being right inside. Stooping over a little, he set down the bag and raised his hand to knock. He took a small breath; his ribs were protesting at all of his moving around. He had walked to that food stand again and had ordered the same thing as when they had first met. That might put the odds in his favor. Maybe.
He inhaled and held his breath. As he did he knocked once on her door sharply. One loud rasp was all it was. It was enough to say "I'm here Kin-chan." That was all he really needed right to convey.
Kin could tell that Izaya was there, and she didn't much like it. Liars weren't welcome at her door, and to her mind Izaya was just that. A liar. A sycophant. He didn't mean anything he said, and so he couldn't be trusted. Hearing the rapping on the door, Kin scowled.
I wish he would go away, Kin thought, staring at the mess on her floor. Once again she'd left her room a mess - paint coated the floorboards and papers lined every wall. Right now, they all had similar drawings of lanterns with flowers tied to them. She was testing out her mural before she went to work on painting it.
Keeping Izaya waiting didn't make her feel at all guilty. He deserved it.
What, was he trying to tell her that he liked her, or that he cared about her? Trusted she could have dealt with, but now she saw that was a lie as well. She twirled her hair around her index finger, rubbing the strands.
"Go away, Izaya," she whispered.
Character List "Let's eat, Grandma!" "Let's eat Grandma!" Commas save lives.
He barely heard her through the door. However, he heard her nonetheless. Slamming his head against her door, he shook it a little in dismay. Dammit, dammit. He leaned his head back and let out a deep sigh. Staring at the door, he simply wished to see her. Why did he have to look at this wooden contraption and not the one he cared about? Why?
"Kin-chan, just open your door and look at me. I know you must think I'm delirious or lying but I'm not. Looking at me will be proof of this. Answer me this, if I didn't care why would I have brought food and your sketchpad? In my condition why would I take every painful step only to try to get you to believe me in this? If I'm the person you think I am I wouldn't have done any of this. Please, let me in."
With that last line he sank to his knees. Looking up wearily at her door he simply shook his head even more. He couldn't believe this was happening to him. He didn't want to have these feelings dammit. He couldn't remember when this happened. Izaya didn't know when him trying to get what he wanted led to genuine feelings. Dammit! GOD DAMMIT!
"Kin-chan, just open your door and look at me," Izaya said, causing Kin's brow to furrow. Now he was just trying to boss her around - it wouldn't work. He couldn't boss her around - she was stronger than he was anyways. What could he do? Blink at her until she complied? He couldn't even cast kido right now. "I know you must think I'm delirious or lying but I'm not. Looking at me will be proof of this."
"You can't prove anything," she snapped, her eyes clenched shut.
"Answer me this, if I didn't care, why would I have brought food and your sketchpad? In my condition, why would I take every painful step only to try to get you to believe me in this?"
There wasn't anything Kin could say to that - though she hated to admit it, he was right. There wasn't any reason for Izaya to come and see her when he really shouldn't have gotten out of bed. He didn't even have to have brought her sketchpad - he could have given it to just about anyone else and they would have known whose it was.
"If I'm the person you think I am I wouldn't have done any of this," he reasoned. A light thunk resonated underneath the door - he had sat down, perhaps? "Please, let me in."
The small-statured medic took a deep breath and then sighed it out. She didn't want to get out of bed herself, but she supposed she could stop and listen to him. As she stood, she wondered if he would have done the same for her, had she been injured and told him how she felt. Shugaka seemed quiet, more keen to observe than to guide. Fine - he could help or not help on his own time. They were on good terms, and she had to trust his judgement every now and again. Not helping meant, "get off your butt and help yourself."
Tentatively, she laid her hand on the door. Did she want to open it? No. Would she? She wasn't even entirely sure.
"What were you even going to say?" she asked instead, letting her hand fall to her side. It was easier this way - just his voice, not his face. She wondered if his face would be painfully stiff - or if he would smile while he poured his fake heart out.
Character List "Let's eat, Grandma!" "Let's eat Grandma!" Commas save lives.
He kept quiet. She was right. He didn't have any definitive evidence other than the fact that he was here. Frankly, he had hoped that was enough. However, she was right. There was no proof for emotions. He couldn't give her a camera and show her the inside of his mind. He couldn't show her how much she ran through his mind. Izaya simply could not show her how much he cared.
Finally, she seemed to be right on the other side of the door. She asked him what he would have said. What would he have said? Would he have told her how much he cared? No, that was a cliche. Would he reiterate that he didn't want to lose her? No, that would scare her away. What could he possibly say? He should just tell her how he felt. The thought of that kind of scared him, but he had to. Without it, he didn't see a way to salvage this relationship. Yes, it was a relationship by now.
"Kin-chan. All I wanted to say is how I really feel about you. To be perfectly honest, I'm not proud of myself. I don't like having feelings about anyone. You should know that about me. Do you really think I enjoy having to be so damn dependent on you being around?"
After he finished he bowed his head in a sort of shame. He really didn't like where all of this confessing was going. Hoping she would at least offer something in rebuttal, he stayed silent for a second. However, he knew he had to continue; she wouldn't open this door until she believed him.
"The truth is that I can't get rid of you. You pervaded my mind as I fought in the world of the living. The Arrancar I beat had odd colored hair like yours. And it caused me to hesitate because I just thought of you. I've laid in a hospital bed for a week, alone. All that's gone through my mind was why you left and the regret I felt for scaring you like that. Because, that's what I truly think it is. I think you care about me; I really do. If not you wouldn't have gotten so distraught over seeing me so broken. You wouldn't have tried to heal me twice when the medics already tried. I think, you don't believe me. You don't believe me and you're scared of getting hurt by me in case I'm just using you. Which is perfectly rational. What I'm asking you to do isn't rational. It isn't logical and probably isn't even the right call."
He took a moment to catch his breath. He got to his feet and placed his hand on the door.
"Do you really think I enjoy having to be so damn dependent on you being around?" Izaya asked in a voice that made Kin realize how ashamed he was. She puffed out her cheeks in irritation - he made it sound like liking her was a bad thing, but she supposed for Izaya liking anyone would be a bad thing. Liking people meant you had to worry about them if they got upset, or hurt.
"I don't like it either."
"The truth is that I can't get rid of you. You pervaded my mind as I fought in the world of the living - the Arrancar that I beat had odd colored hair like yours, and it caused me to hesitate because I just thought of you." As Izaya spoke, Kin pressed her back against the door and slowly slid down. She folded her legs and rested her elbows on her knees, her head hanging low in an odd kind of pity. "All that's gone through my mind was why you left and the regret I felt for scaring you like that. Because, that's what I think it truly is."
"What?"
"I think you care about me, I really do. If not you wouldn't have gotten so distraught over seeing me so broken. You wouldn't have tried to heal me twice when the medics already tried." Hands shaking, Kin glanced over at the door. Now she wished she could have seen his face, seen if he was really sincere or if he just had good control over his voice. Would he be red in the cheeks, or pale, or would he be completely unable to make eye contact? Or would he look her in the eye while he...
He had to be lying, she reminded herself.
"You don't believe me and you're scared of getting hurt by me in case I'm just using you," he guessed, probably unaware of just how spot on that was. "Which is perfectly rational. What I'm asking you to do isn't rational. It isn't logical and probably isn't even the right call."
Kin stood up, put her hand on the door and started to nudge it open.
"Kin, I'm asking you to trust me."
Kin wouldn't trust him. It was asking too much. Instead of answering to him, she finished opening the door and looked at him for a few minutes. Her face was just a little too hard to see if what he said had really affected her, though it had. She wanted nothing more than to bawl, and call him stupid, and send him away. Instead, she pointed at her sketchbook.
"You brought it to me, I might as well take it," she said flatly.
It was hard to ignore what had been said, but somehow Kin seemed to manage. It stung, for some reason, like she wanted to trust him and wanted to let him in, but she just couldn't make it happen. She did like Izaya. He was a friend, and Kin hadn't had so many of those lately. She wanted to thank him just for that.
Character List "Let's eat, Grandma!" "Let's eat Grandma!" Commas save lives.
She kept interrupting his little speech to constantly add little quips. He didn't really mind. She was becoming more and more interested with what he was saying. It was proof that she really did care. Izaya simply smiled a little as he felt his face become more and more red. He was so embarrassed with himself. He wasn't really used hiding embarrassment and the emotion just bled through without check. His palms were sweaty; there was just a slight tremble in his movements. He was so...nervous. It was as if her every word would have drastic repercussions for him. His fate depended on her every word. He didn't much care for it.
She opened the door and looked at him. It had been a long week. He had missed the sight of her. It was crazy to really think about it like that, but he had. She was...aesthetically pleasing, at the least. Looking up at her he felt his face grow even hotter and redder. He averted his gaze from her and looked at the floor. He couldn't face her; he was too embarrassed.
"You brought it to me, I might as well take it,"
Izaya knew she was talking about her sketchbook. However, she didn't specify. He didn't see that she had pointed at it rather clearly as he averted her eyes. So, he knew that he could take this chance to show her that he really wanted this. Looking up, he offered a small smile to the short goddess standing over him.
"You're right, I did bring it to you. I'm yours, take me."
Kin's gaze snapped back to Izaya when he smiled to her. "you're right, I did bring it to you. I'm yours, take me."
Leaping back in surprise, Kin's face contorted with widened eyes and a scrunched up nose, along with lips pulled back and her jaw open just a bit. "What? I meant...I...I meant my sketchbook you idiot!"
The small shinigami folded her arms in a somewhat self-conscious gesture. Shugaka would be giggling, had he not been keeping quiet. In fact, Kin was not entirely sure that he wasn't giggling at her. He did have a way of going silent when he felt like it, as well as invisible. The blue-eyed girl shook her head at Izaya.
"Well at least stand up...you look dumb grovelling," she said, falsely aloof. No, it bothered her very much to see him on his knees like that. She wondered if he'd done that to the arrancar at the end of the fight, after or just before losing an arm. In all honesty she had no idea what really happened - his description of the fight was so brief that Kin couldn't run a clear picture through her mind. Now all that she knew was that one of the arrancar had weirdly colored hair - most likely the same violet as hers. "You lost an arm. Don't lose your dignity too."
Maybe what bothered her the most was that she wasn't used to people bowing to her. She was Sasaki Kin, a brat from the rukongai who had to work her ass off to get better at just about anything and everything. He was Yotogi Izaya, son of some noble family or another that held him to high expectations and would most likely frown upon his beseeching state. It was almost funny to think that her father might encourage her interaction with this boy.
She smirked, laughter dying before it could cross her lips.
"You know, a while ago you would have called this backwards, wouldn't you?"
Character List "Let's eat, Grandma!" "Let's eat Grandma!" Commas save lives.
"What? I meant...I...I meant my sketchbook you idiot!"
Cocking his head to the side, he smiled up at her. He liked this Kin. His Kin. She wasn't the same when she worried. This was the Kin that he cared about; the one that didn't let him get away with anything. Frankly, he used to hate it. Where was the line in all that and how did it get so blurred? Whatever, it didn't matter now anyway. His feelings were clear to him now. He had denied them. He had denied them to himself for so long. Now, now it was different.
"Kin-chan, you kind of resemble a rabbit when you get angry. I'd say it looked cute, but you'd smack me. Then again," he laughed to himself, "You'll probably still smack me." He flashed her a small smile, almost daring her to do it. Actually, it would be quite relieving if she did. Izaya was not a masochist, not by any means. However, it would definitely lighten the moment.
"Well at least stand up...you look dumb grovelling. You lost an arm. Don't lose your dignity too."
He complied and stood up. While he was at it, he motioned to hand her the sketchpad. He didn't have any use for it, after all. His face kind of contorted into one of discomfort and mild pain. Standing up was a chore. He didn't have an arm and had to use a lot of core strength to stand. Normally that wasn't a problem; he had a decent core. With a rib cage full of broken components, however, it proved to be a nasty little bitch.
"I'm standing see? As for my dignity, eh, that's gone. I think I lost that begging for my death at the hands of the Arrancar. Would've spared me the awkward moment here, that's for sure."
"You know, a while ago you would have called this backwards, wouldn't you?"
Izaya laughed a little. It hurt to do so, but he laughed nonetheless. It was true. A month ago he would have considered admitting feelings to be a weakness. Now, however, he saw that she had all the power. He had given her everything she needed. Kin was in control now. The oddest thing was that he was perfectly alright with that.
"Please, in my mind this is playing out much differently. You're in the middle of proclaiming your feelings for me and I'm remaining nobly apathetic. In a few minutes I will forgive you for your emotional outburst and keep you around because I'm just that benevolent. See, that's just how I was brought up."
He shook his head and looked down after that. The floor was interesting. Really quite interesting. No, he wasn't interested in the floor. Izaya was really just avoided the gaze of Kin. He had been joking which was obvious from his tone. He was simply lightening the mood. Well, screw that, he had to dive back in.
"You know, the funny thing is that, a while back, that was how I foresaw this playing out. Now, I can't really say that the current scenario bothers me. If giving you all the control is how I prove to you that this is real, then so be it. Upbringing be damned. I lost an arm and my future as a Shinigami is in jeopardy. My family can get over this too." He smiled at her. It was hard for him to say all that. She knew it too. He figured, she was most likely contemplating how to react. It was rather discomforting to put himself in this position. However, Kin was worth all this.
Kin scowled as Izaya told her she looked like a rabbit. He was right; her first impulse was to smack him upside the head and yell at him, but now that he had brought it up she didn't want to prove him right. Instead, she put her hands on her hips and stuck out her tongue. It was still playful - everything was still playful. It bothered Kin that she wasn't being mad at Izaya anymore - didn't he deserve it?
"I'm standing, see? As for my dignity, eh, that's gone." Tilting her head, Kin straightened out. What did he mean? "I think I lost that begging for my death at the hands of the arrancar. Would've spared me the awkward moment here, that's for sure."
The girl shook her head, bothered by Izaya having to beg. For his death? Really? Didn't he think about her during the fight? Or was he in that much pain? She was glad she went behind his back to file that report. Maybe something would get done about whoever the bitch that did this to Izaya was.
"Even if you wanted to die, I'm glad you didn't," admitted Kin. "And so does Omoi-kun. I'd pick on him more if you weren't around."
He joked that he was envisioning the current scenario much differently, and Kin turned up her nose. She knew he was joking, but it was just a little annoying. A bit too annoying to just laugh off.
"Hmmph. Says the guy who was on his knees a second ago."
It was weird to think that without an arm Izaya might have to face his family and tell them that he'd been injurred, and maybe he'd be taken care of well for the rest of his life. If they had switched places, and it was Kin who had been injurred, her family might not have been able to support her and it would have been a struggle. Especially if she lost her left arm and couldn't draw anymore. She didn't have anywhere to go.
"Y'know, it's nice you've got some place to go back to if you need it," Kin laughed, brushing her bangs aside with a gentle wave. "My father'd be asking me what my plan to support he and mom is."